Layshii's realm of practice

[Layshii]

Fear is just a reminder, that the thoughts that I'm thinking are not in alignment with what my IB is thinking.
These thoughts say 'What, if I do something wrong and something bad is going to happen to me?'. But that feels so off, no wonder the fear is wailing like an alarm siren. What, if I do this right? I've done so many things right in my life, even when things were new to me. And even, if I did not do things perfectly right away, I learned to to them better. I love how easy it is to look up things on the internet and that people even make videos on how to do things. That helped me already yesterday. And today I watched another helpful video.
I still have some time to do this. i will try it out tomorrow. Nobody is perfect. Just recently I saw a young woman doing something for the first time. She got help from the person she was accompanied by and the sales person. Everyone was friendly and patient.
I already did something like this in the past and everything went well. People deal with this so often, it's become normal for them. And I'm powerful! I can get everything I want. I can have a personality that feels trust, sure, confident. I can change my thoughts. I can think more positively. I can do that. I practiced it for years and I'm thinking more positive thoughts now. Wouldn't it be nice, if the current negative thoughts subside and next time something like this or anything new occurs, I feel confident. That would feel so good! Reacting with confidence, feeling confidence, feeling powerful, feeling well, being in a good mood. I can think more positively. I can feel powerful and confident. I can be nicer towards myself. I can become more and more positive. So what, if I also can become more and more confident?

I'm doing so much better. I'm getting clarity faster. I realize, when I need to go more general. I'm getting better and better at this.
I'm writing with other people every day. I can write positive aspects about people. I can go on writing them.
I can make peace with what-is. I can practice it and I can practice to feel better. Wouldn't it be nice, if I play 'finding better feeling thoughts' and my mind picks up the positive thoughts, so whenever negative beliefs become active again the positive thoughts talks nicely to me and soothe me? Wouldn't it be nice, if this positive self-talk becomes normal and stays? Wouldn't it be nice, if I can practice this and feel good about it?

[Layshii]

I'm grateful and proud of myself, because today is the 10th time I wrote down positive aspects about people. I'm grateful for my mind feeling inspired to practice this today. I'm grateful that I felt inspired. I'm grateful for the nice encounter I had with someone yesterday. She was so sweet and it was great to meet her. To be reminded, that there are really nice people out there. I'm grateful, that I remember these positive aspects and that my mind is ready to focus on them more. I'm grateful that my mind interprets meeting this woman as proof, that me writing down positive aspects is the right way. I'm so grateful I can see and accept the positive things now. I'm also very grateful, that my mind is ready to focus more on the positive aspects of my body. I was able to write down a whole page about what I love about my body and I felt good while writing it. I'm so grateful that this was possible today.
This feels good. This is nice. This is great! I'm doing well.

I'm grateful for the contrast and clarity that I got from it. I'm grateful that I realized how important it is to react in a more positive way towards circumstances that don't feel good. I'm grateful for the idea of telling myself 'I am able to think more positively'. I am able to think more positively about my body. What, if I feel hopeful while observing physical pain? What, if my body will become healthier?
I am grateful that I experienced how the pain became less, after I made peace with what-is. I'm grateful, I was able to make peace. I can do it again. I can think more positively. I can focus more on positive aspects. Step by step. I don't need to make big jumps. I can ask myself how Abraham or source would think and feel about things. What would they tell me?

I manifested pain. Pain means my cells have ordered energy and want to become healthy. I know, I can be more open and let the energy through to them. I already succeeded in doing that. I can do it again. I don't need to figure this out right now. I can only focus on feeling better. I can think more positively. I can make peace. I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to compare myself to others. I'm already happy about my progress today.
It's okay, that I can't do the things I would like to do right now or in the next few weeks. But I can feel a little better. Both mentally and physically. What, if I just keep on playing around with writing down positive aspects? What, if that is enough for me? What, if my mind is okay with that? What, if I feel good about it? What, if I'll be hopeful?

I love that I want to play around with learning languages some more. I love that this looks like it'll be fun.
I love that I look at the things I need to do in a more peaceful way. And that I believe in myself, that I am able to do these things now.
I'm grateful, that I feel ready to play around with ' Finding better feeling thoughts'. And that this feels like building a part in my mind, that is caring and supporting me in a loving way.
I'm grateful that I can write here. And that it helps me to set my focus back to positive aspects. I feel peaceful. I feel relaxed. I can take one step at a time. I can think more positively. I can feel better. My body can regenerate. My mind can think thoughts that feel good. I can practice 'Finding better feeling thoughts'. I'm ready!

[Layshii]

How do I feel now?
Stressed. I don't feel good. But I feel a bit better, than before.
Do I feel powerlessness or discouragement? I don't know. Maybe powerlessness?
Do I feel powerlessness or insecurity? Insecurity. That's more like it.
Is it doubt or insecurity? Feels more like insecurity.

I feel insecure about how to deal with this. And with all these worries and anxious thoughts. - Fear is a warning sign, that these thoughts are going in the wrong direction. It's okay to feel fear. It's okay to feel insecurity. I doubt myself, that I am able to deal with these negative beliefs and that I can find better feeling thoughts instead. It's so hard to even look at these thoughts and to not get affected by them and to not believe them. I want to run away from them. I want to run away from feeling bad. But this bad feeling is my helper. And this helper knows, that I'm strong, powerful, awesome and naturally happy.
Oof, that felt different. I want to cry. That gave me relief. There's someone/something that wants to help me. That believes in me!
I don't need to take on these negative beliefs head on, do I? Maybe I can start with the negative feelings first. I can be okay with feeling fear and thank this feeling for helping me. I can think more positively. I believe that. I can find better feeling thoughts. Oh, that changed something in me. It seems, like I can believe that now, too. I practiced 'finding better feeling thoughts' (= Process 13 'Which thought feels') better so I am really able to do that. I can feel how I observe myself in a more calming and loving way. I did that! I made this possible!

What would I like to do now? I'd like to write down lists of positive aspects, because that feels good. And because I know, I am able to do that successfully.
When I want to find better feeling thoughts about that specific topic, I can come back here again and practice.

Oh, now I feel insecure again. There's a belief of self-doubt. Okay, let's do this again. The negative feeling is here to tell me, that this belief is active and it's going in the wrong direction. No biggie. This belief isn't 'me'. Because I want to feel good. Source knows, that I am capable to write lists of positive aspects. But I also know it's recommended and therefore easier, when I'm higher up on the EGS. So how do I get higher?

Climbing up on the EGS
I feel insecure. I doubt, that I can write lists of positive aspects while feeling good. Yesterday was easier, because there wasn't negative momentum like right now. I'm not powerless towards the negative momentum! Why would I even believe that? That's so dumb! Whoever taught me that? I hate that I even think like this! Me and powerless? Pff! What a joke! Haha! F... off you silly thought! I'm not controlled by you any more! I'm done cowering in fear! I've had enough! I am powerful! I am the creator of my own reality! And you won't stop me any longer! I'm so angry at you! But the more I focus on you, the more power you will get. And I don't want that. Man, I wish, I would be better at this. I would already be in alignment with my IB, writing happily lists of positive aspects every day and play with rampages of appreciation like the other Abers. Why am I like this? I feel so far away from everyone else. If this stupid belief that I'm powerless never showed up, my life would have been totally different! If I had people around me who would have thought me to be confident and to believe in myself, I would have replaced that negative belief a long time ago. And later on I would have kicked those bullies behinds! Bah!
Jeez, I hate that guy! Why was he in the newspaper again? This ugly a... I would be so nice to get revenge in him. To make him suffer. To ruin his career. That would be so funny. How would he deal with being in pain every single day of the rest of his life? How would he feel, if I stood above him and my life would be great, while he would be miserable?
But I know, I know. This is a game. He's just a manifestation of my old belief. A contrast to remind me of what I really want instead. This is a world of LoA. I'm now learning to play the game by it's rules. And that means, feeling good is the key to everything. And focusing on what I want and what I like.
I'm on my way! I get better at this! Step by step. I'm doing fine. I've got this! I'm getting better and better! I'm proud of myself! I'm rooting for myself, supporting myself!
How do I feel now?
Maybe doubtful? Overwhelmed? I don't feel like playing 'Which thought feels better?' I want to do something more fun. I want to eat something nice. I want to feel better. I want to play a game. I want to be me. The me that is feeling good, feeling powerful and confident. I want to feel good. I want to play. I can always come back here and do 'Which thought feels better?'. Yes, that feels about right.
For 'writing positive aspects' it would be nice, to feel a bit better and to have a better momentum going. I can do that. I can try. And I can always practice here. This feels good. I feel better now

[Layshii]

I can't seem to stop the negative momentum. So how about going general and try it again?
I feel bad. I don't like the way I feel. What do I feel?
Is it fear? Depression? Discouragement? No, feels more like depression. Being fed up with the negative beliefs that cause anxiety attacks.
I can't seem to stop this. But I guess it's because I'm not making peace with it. I can't change my mindset immediately. And it looks like I'll have to take action despite these negative beliefs causing fear and despair. So it could be a goal to look for the path of least resistance. But I also hope, that I can practice my way to a higher up disc. Anger would feel better. Mild worry would be even better.
I'd love to jump into alignment with my IB. I'd love to feel powerful and happy. I want to leave my old personality behind and adopt a new one. A confident strong knowing personality. But I can't get there from here. I feel miserable. It seems like I'll never get what I want.
It is what it is.
I want to punch these negative beliefs in the face, if they had one. They should just f... off. Why do I even believe them? Ehy do I let them boss me around? I'm not powerless! I climbed up on the EGS from the very bottom two times today! Tell that to those people with their 'Oh, I decided to never complain and think negative, despite all the negative circumstances, so I got my miracle healing and dream life.' Yeah? Try that with having a mountain of negative beliefs like mine. Let's see, how far you can go, when your mind is battling you every time you try to think positive. Succeed with that and then we can have a talk! I'm so fed up with all these people being so full of themselves. Yes, I'm jealous! Why am I the one with such a weird mind? When Abraham talk about not slowing your momentum like to not slowing down your car while driving and instead removing the trees that are in your way, I'm looking at a full blown rain forest with mammoth trees. Great! So unless nobody of these awesome people can rival that experience, I should never compare myself to them. I mean, it's good to know, that eventually when you achieve a positive mindset, things will become much easier. I know that. But how do I stop not having a positive mindset? How do I focus on positive aspects? How do I make peace? How do I soothe myself, when I never learned that, but the opposite? How do I stop identifying with negative beliefs?

Wooh, I feel much better now. I feel empowered.
Can I be okay with how I feel now? Can I be okay with feeling still not well, but better than when I started writing?
I can change how I feel. And I can change how I think. Because now I'm thinking differently. I did that!

[spiritualcookie]

Wooh, I feel much better now. I feel empowered.
Can I be okay with how I feel now? Can I be okay with feeling still not well, but better than when I started writing?
I can change how I feel. And I can change how I think. Because now I'm thinking differently. I did that!

I love seeing how you work your way up the emotional scale!

[Layshii]

Wooh, I feel much better now. I feel empowered.
Can I be okay with how I feel now? Can I be okay with feeling still not well, but better than when I started writing?
I can change how I feel. And I can change how I think. Because now I'm thinking differently. I did that!

I love seeing how you work your way up the emotional scale!

Thank you! I'm glad, that I can practice here among other Abers

[Layshii]

In the last week I had moments in which I felt really good. I wrote lists of positive aspects and it felt great. Yesterday I woke up in a good mood. I felt more powerful than before. And I remembered that Abraham said to milk this moment. So I did.
Then a topic came up, which is still on the very bottom of the EGS. And I asked myself questions like 'What if this topic is going to feel good?'. Staying general felt like the right decision. A thought appeared that I could look more into the details about that topic. But I realized, this thought was a 'needy' and 'demanding' one. I decided to stay general and my feelings reassured me, that this was the right way. And I kept going with milking feeling good and talking nicely to myself as long as I could.

Later that day some contrast came. And now that I had a good night's sleep I have more clarity about it. I know what I don't want. And I know what I want instead.
I want to be supported by people that are on a high flying disc. They stay on it, no matter what disc I'm currently on. I experienced someone like that talking to a person who had a panic attack. They were on a high flying disc. They knew what to do, they felt sure, they were friendly and talked nicely to the person that was at the bottom of the EGS. Thinking back, it reminds me of Abraham. They supported that person, because they knew, that person is powerful and strong and can get back into their alignment.

I want someone like that. It would be nice to have someone like that right now. But my mind doesn't believe that I'll find someone like that. There's currently only a person who is a walking contrast. And I don't know how to deal with that. Talking to that person about it, wouldn't I be the same as them then? Trying to change them, so that I can feel good. It doesn't work that way. But I can find thoughts about them that feel better. I can do that right now.

This person wants to help. I appreciate that. They don't realize on which disc they are. They think, they are helping with their approach. And they don't know much about other ways. That's okay. It is what it is. I'd prefer someone else who does approach me from a high flying disc. I don't know how to get myself to find myself someone like that, though. That's also okay. The most important thing is, how I feel now. I can get on a higher disc myself. I don't need others to get me there. I'd love to have support. But I don't 'need' it. Everything is okay. I can use this contrast to practice some more and to find thoughts that feel better. In the past few weeks I've succeeded in putting the Abraham teachings more into practice. I've gained more clarity and experience. I'm more aware of how I feel. I can focus more on the positive aspects. That alone is such a huge progress!!! This is great! Amazing! I'm so so happy!!! Look at me writing lists of positive aspects and having fun with that! What a huge progress! That means, I think more positively and feel better. Go me!
I also accepted to stay more general. To take small steps. I did that! I decided that and it felt good! That's also huge!!! I got better at feeling around and choosing the thought and way that feels better! This is awesome!

So back to the topic. There's a person that wants to support me. That will become my main focus. No 'But'. Only what feels good. I can do that!
There's a person that wants to support me and I appreciate that. They mean well. (oh, wait, that doesn't feel good. Let's try that again.) I appreciate them. I can imagine how I approach them while I'm on a higher disc and ask for their kind of support. (Yes, that feels better!) But how could they support me in detail, so that I feel good about it? How about I do some things first, clarify some things and then I have the option to share the work with this person. So it could be helpful to have someone backing me up. I don't have to do everything on my own. And they could accompany me to appointments, if I'm too agitated. For the other things to do, I have the EGS, I have this space to practice, I have the knowledge that I'm capable of doing that. I want to do it the 'Abraham' way now. That's why it's become more important to me to feel good. Contrast is helping me to work on feeling better and on finding better feeling thoughts.

I want to become someone who supports me like that person helping the person through their panic attack. What, if I could be like that myself? Or, if there's someone who can support me in becoming like I want to be? Wouldn't it be funny, if I had someone like Abraham talking to me, guiding me and believing in me? Wouldn't it be great to be like that myself? Strong, sure, happy, confident and feeling love towards myself? That feels so good. I'd like to stay there.
But now I'm looking at what-is and am thinking about the future, wondering how I will be able to figure things out. Now I don't feel as good as before. But that's okay.
What do I want now? How do I want to feel?
I want to approach this topic, while feeling better. So then it's settled. I'll only approach this topic again, after I focused on feeling better!
I can practice that on my own. And, if not, I can always come back here. And even if that wouldn't work, I can still ask for an appointment with a psychological help-line. I could tell them, I'd like someone to talk this topic through with me and help me to shift my thoughts from the perspective of anxiety and powerlessness to hope. Maybe they are experienced with that. And I don't need them to be perfect. I can appreciate them for trying to help. I appreciate that there are people who'd like to help. I appreciate the people who already talked to me and helped me to see things more clearly and to change my perspective. I want to know more about how to co-create with people in a positive way. I want to look more into the positive aspects of everything and everyone.
Back to the original plan: Feel better first. Then look at the topic at hand. If it feels awful, then proceed with step one again: feel better first. - I think I can do that? I can try.

Do I have to take action right now? Is it bad, if I don't get myself to feel good enough to take action? What would be the way of least resistance?
I can soothe myself. But how long does it take for me to feel good enough to take action? How do these current thoughts feel?
Stressful, fearful, powerless, doubtful.
I don't believe in myself enough. I believe, that I will only take action, if I force myself or get forced by others. So my surroundings reflect exactly that. But yesterday I felt good. I felt like I could take action and stay in a good mood. So what if I could take action and feel hopeful? That would feel soooooooo great! Hopeful would feel amazing! Even 'satisfied' would feel great. Like: How awesome is that, that there are these options I can choose from? How awesome is that, that these options exist? How awesome is that, that I am free to drive my own car? How awesome is that, that I get to choose where I want to drive to? How awesome is that, that there are therapies that are more in alignment with the Abraham teachings? How awesome is that, that there are experienced people who know how to deal with a mindset like mine and how to support me? How awesome is that, that I get to choose on how to contact them - by call or e-mail? How awesome is that, that I can ask them about something specifically and get some clarification? How awesome is that, that I have someone who offers me support by accompanying me or taking over and do some calls themselves? How awesome is that, that I'm here looking right at this topic and finding better feeling thoughts? How awesome is that, to feel supported while writing here, knowing there are others who know the Abraham stuff and know it works? How awesome is that?

[Layshii]

I want to get this done!
- But then I have to force myself through all the negative beliefs that cause fear.
- But I haven't done any progress without pressuring myself. I just ran away from my fears for the last few hours. I'm getting nowhere like this. I need help. I can't go on like this! I need help to get help.
- But I don't trust that I will get the support I'm wishing for. And I can't get myself into the feeling of hope. I also don't want to work through the fears. I'm so done with this! I want to jump into my real self, into the confident and powerful self. Why can't I do this? Shouldn't it be possible to erase the old self and all its negative beliefs and get the one you really want and are?
- Stop complaining! And I mean this in a lovingly way. It won't do you any good. It sucks. I know, I struggle and that's why things are so hard to do and to deal with. How about I try again:
I'm not the negative beliefs in my head. I don't need fear them. They are active and fear is telling me that they are not in alignment with what my Inner Being thinks. My IB knows, I'm strong, I'm powerful, I have positive thoughts. I am able to focus on positive aspects. I am able to find better feeling thoughts.
- It's so hard to make peace with this. It's so awful. I don't want to be like that! I don't want to ask for help, just because I can't control my mind and am not good enough to slow down the negative momentum. But if I don't make peace with this, it'll just keep getting worse.
- I'm not the negative thoughts. I know I can have positive thoughts. I know I can feel powerful. I know I can feel hopeful. What can I do now to help myself?
I accept that there are beliefs active that don't serve me. I accept that the bad feelings are like warning signals, just telling me that these beliefs go in the wrong direction. That means, in the other direction is the real me.
- But how do I get there? I've been trying for so long and every time these negative beliefs stop me in my progress, as if they have a mind of their own to make my life miserable.
- I accept that. I accept that I want to jump to my goals and find out that I can't. I accept that I currently can only make small steps. I accept that there is negative momentum going. I accept that the time I am in positive momentum needs to be more to be effective. I accept who I am now. I accept the situation I am in. (Although it makes me cry thinking about it). I accept that the thought that I'll never achieve my goals feels awful. I accept. I make peace. It is like it is.
I'll figure this out eventually. Maybe the path of least resistance is to do things the old way and then start going the new way with proper help. Maybe I can only do this, while going through fear and anxiety. I'm already grateful for every moment I am more aligned with my IB. It feels great to be in a good mood. To feel powerful. Everything seems to be so much easier. And I have more clarity. I like that very much. I am grateful for the times I feel that way. I like when I'm inspired to write down questions and focusing on positive aspects and things I want. Wouldn't it be nice to do that now again? It felt great when I was doing it with the topic of driving. What if I like it so much, that I want to do it more? I really really like how my perspective changed after playing around with these questions. How I got more familiar with feeling good while I imagined to drive. Maybe it works with the current topic, too? What, if it'll work? That would be so cool. I love feeling powerful, knowing, confident, happy. I love being in a good mood. I can change my thinking. I have already changed and I will change more and more.

Edit: You know, what's been really helpful as of late? Imagining that I would feel good, when doing sth or being in a certain situation. Feeling good. Being in a good mood. That's what 'going general' means, I suppose. That's all. Just imagine this for a bit and let's see what is going happen

[Layshii]

This is the perfect time to try something new. There's an impulse to run away from reality, from feeling bad and never wanting to come back. It's different to distracting yourself which Abraham talks about. From my understanding distraction means to be willing to come back and deal with whatever is going on from a higher vibration. Like I currently do when I write with other people and joke around with them or watch a funny video.
So what can I do differently? I make peace with this urge. I make peace with the emotions and the vibration that is currently active. It's okay. I can do this. I'm learning. I'm getting better and better at this. I'm already feeling calmer.
I know I'm currently taking action without cleaning up my vibration. I'd love to know how to clean up this vibration. I'd love to feel better about this. I'd love to feel better in general. I only feel so bad, because of old habitual thoughts. I can change how I feel. So eventually I can change my thoughts.

What can I do right now to feel better?
Breathe. Anxiety is there to help me. The thoughts that I'm thinking are going in the wrong direction. I can make peace with that. Maybe I can't solve this today. Maybe not tomorrow. But I can feel better about this. I want to feel good instead. I want to feel good. I want to feel peaceful. Calm, secure, good, peaceful, accepting, calm, at ease, sure, confident, powerful, in a good mood, smiling, happy, great, awesome. I can feel better and better.
I'd like to have a solution for this, that feels good. I'd like this to be solved. I'd like to have positive feedback. Everything I want I can have. So I imagine that I have what I want. It's done. How do I feel?
It's easy. I feel sure. Everything is fine, everything is like I want it to be. This is good and feels good. It's easy. I love easy. I love feeling good, sure, confident. I trust. I know. Oh, about knowing! I experienced knowing just yesterday. It was awesome!!! I thought something fell under my PC and got the idea to fetch a ruler and swipe under it. The moment I knelt down with the ruler, I KNEW the thing I've been looking for over a month would casually roll out from under my PC. And it went EXACTLY like I saw it in my imagination shortly beforehand. I never thought this thing would be under the PC and I don't even know how weirdly it must have rolled to even get there. But in that moment I just knew. I love this. I want more. Knowing is great. I love this feeling!
I love to feel good. I love the feel sure. I love to feel confident. I love to be in a good mood. I love to be happy. I love to go with the flow. I love to play. I love to have fun. I love fun. I want fun. Fun is awesome, amazing. I want more fun. I want to have fun. I want to play. I like to be happy. I like to feel fulfillment. I like the feeling of ease. It's easy. Because everything is a fun game. I love fun games. I love to play. I love playing. I love to feel good. I love feeling good. I love to play. I love fun. I love being happy. I love fun. I love easy. Easy and playful. This is a game. I'm playing it.

I'd love to go outside. I'd love to feel good while being outside. What, if being outside feels good? What, if I feel good while being outside, breathing the fresh air, feeling relaxed? What, if I like being outside? What, if I feel relaxed? What, if I enjoy being outside? What, if being outside is fun and something I like to do? What, if I like going for walks? What, if I feel good? What, if I look forward to going outside? What, if this feels good?
I want to feel good. I want to feel relaxed. I want to feel sure. I want to feel confident.
- Can I go more into the details? No, doesn't feel like it, so I stay general. General feels good. That's okay. I can roll with being general.
Being outside feels good. I like to be outside. I like breathing fresh air. What, if I feel relaxed? What, if I feel good, confident, sure, ease, fun? What, if it's fun for me to be outside? What, if I like being outside? What, if it feels good? It feels good to be outside. What, if taking a walk would feel good? What, if I had thoughts that feel good, while I'm walking? What, if walking feels good? What, if this feels good?
Whew, some contrast there. That's okay. I get it. But what, if my habits can change? What, if one day they have changed? And taking a walk just feels good? Being with other people, seeing them, hearing them, being among them feels good. What, if I like to play some more with collecting what I love about people? Wouldn't that feel nice?

What do I want to do now? Do I want to take action?
I don't feel like it. But that would mean, I postpone it. And knowing myself I won't work on cleaning up my vibration, rather run away. Oof, that doesn't feel good. I shouldn't run away from this topic. But taking action while being in this low vibration hasn't gotten me anywhere.
The thought to not take action feels really bad. I don't trust, that I will feel better, when I postpone this. It'll just get harder to do it in a few days from now.
I could climb up on the EGS at least for now. And if I still feel bad in a few days, I can ask someone else to take over for me. That feels better. I'm okay with that. That feels like a big relief. I am nice to myself. I like being nice to myself. I'm getting better and better at this! I love myself! I deserve to feel good. I deserve to be happy. I feel relieved. I want to have some fun now. I want to play. I want to enjoy my time. I want to do something fun. Is it okay to play or is that running away again? I just want to feel better.
What would I do, if everything in my life was great? I'd look after myself. Care for myself. Relax.

[Layshii]

How do I feel?
I don't know. Not good obviously. Where am I on the EGS? Do I feel hopeless? Anger. Jealous? Hate? Hate.
I hate being dependent on a person that doesn't understand empathy. I hate that they pressure themselves to function, although their inner guidance tells them not to take action. I hate that it works for them so they think I have to be the same way. I hate that I'm not confident enough to stand up for myself. Instead I feel guilty for being in pain and dealing with anxiety attacks. But why should I feel guilty for that? Why should I hate myself for going through these experiences? I'm done with this! When I followed the old habit to beat myself up today, I stopped and calmed myself down instead. I soothed myself. I was there for myself. I did what I wish that person would be able to do. But I think, they don't even know how to do that for themselves. Maybe it works for them to be hard on themselves, because they don't have big wishes like me? Whatever it is, it is like it is.
I'm so happy that I soothed myself today. I'm so happy I am able to do that. I'm nice to myself. I understand myself.
Yes, it would be nice to have a healthy body and to feel good now. But pain means, energy is on its way. My body wants to be healthy. But I know there are various negative beliefs active that hinder the energy. Maybe I can't figure out right now how to solve all of this. But I can make an attempt to feel better.
What would my IB say to me? Maybe: You did great today! You stopped the negative momentum several times. And you soothed yourself. How cool is that? I'm so so proud of you! And now you've got more clarity. You don't want to feel insecure toward that person any more. You don't want to feel guilty! You don't want to feel afraid thinking about the future or how that person could get angry at you for not doing what they want. You want to feel good instead. You want to feel calm, sure, secure, confident, self-confident. There's nothing serious going on here.

I want to feel good. I want to feel calm. I want to feel at ease. This contrast is a chance to change my thoughts and feelings. I want to be who I really am. I want to be nice to myself. I want to love myself unconditionally. I want to feel sure. I want to feel confident. I want to play around with feeling good. And it's okay, if I'm not feeling good right away. I'm on my way.
I don't need to feel guilty. I don't want to feel guilty! I don't need to feel self-pity. I don't want to feel self-pity! It is like it is! I'll feel better. My body will feel better. It would be nice to feel better. It would be nice to feel good. It would be nice to be confident and healthy. I want to be confident. I want to feel sure, ease, happy, fun.
I make peace with what-is. I created that. I'm learning. I get better and better at this.
I want to be at peace with this person. They are trying to help me in their own way. They support me. And I'm grateful for that.
It would be nice to live independently. I'm on my way. I got this. And source has got my back. I always find something that inspires me and to try out something that could work for me. I'm on it.

I'm not dependent on that person's mood and decisions. They have nothing to do with me. It's my own thoughts that make me feel bad. It's not that person. It's my own thoughts. It's my own expectations, my own beliefs.
It's my belief that I should be functioning and being able to do everything that a person with a healthy mind and body can do. It's my belief, that I should be able to achieve that in a short amount of time or better yet instantly. I didn't make peace with what is. And that's a looot of pressure right there. Oof!
How about No? No, I don't function today. I don't force myself to go through pain and fear. I don't want to please others. There's no life-threatening emergency going on that would justify why I should do this right now. But why do I still feel so guilty and bad, if I say No?
Because I feel powerless.
Simple.
And it's the 'What if negative things will happen, if I don't force myself right now' thoughts, that contribute to this.