Layshii's realm of practice

[Layshii]

EGS
I feel powerless. I feel powerless against this person, the circumstances, my own negative beliefs. I feel so powerless I want to cry. And the pain in my body intensifies. So that's not the way I want go any further. I feel unworthy and guilty. I should do better. I should please others. I should be independent. I should show more gratefulness. I should have already achieved my goals. But I haven't. Instead I'm this mess of a human being. A burden to my family. Wasting my life away. I don't know, why I even bother the Abraham-Community with my awfully low vibrations. I shouldn't even be here. Nobody wants to read the crap that I'm writing.
Why are so many people way better off than me? Why is it so much easier for them to apply the loa-teachings? Why do I have to struggle with a mind that it so hell-bent on keeping me believing that I'm powerless? Why does this stupid thing not change already? What else do I have to do? I hate you, you stupid mind! I know, you're just like a machine. I'm going to crack your code and reprogram you! I'm so done with you! You're not making my life horrible any more! I'm going to change my thoughts and you won't be able to stop me! I'll find solutions! I really hope that book, that I'm currently reading has some good solutions to achieve that. I hope my impulse lead me to the right thing. But then, there's still the expectation that I'll be disappointed again.
No, go away! You're the belief that makes this unwanted thing come true. You're the culprit! If it weren't for you, my life would have already changed so much to the better! You're not going to mess up things again! What, if I find solutions now that really help me? I'm fed up with worrying. I'm fed up with doubting. Maybe I want too much. But, if I don't change my focus to what I want and feel better... I want to feel better! I want to have thoughts that feel good! I want to feel powerful! I wish I could believe in that. I wish I could tell myself everyday 'I'm powerful' and then believe in it. I'm so bored with experiencing always the same dumb negative thoughts. I want to feel good instead!

I've got more clarity now. I can soothe myself. I can feel better. I can be nice to myself. Wouldn't it be nice, if I feel confident and powerful? If I could be like that every day? If that would be the normal me? Wouldn't it be nice to have positive beliefs that support me with that? Wouldn't it be nice, if everything was easy?
The pressure is not from the person nor the circumstances. It's the belief that I should please others. And this belief comes from the belief that I'm powerless, therefore I need to do everything to protect myself. But I am powerful. I don't need protection. I have all the power on my side. I can decide what I want. And even, if I end up pleasing others, I decide how I feel about that. It's the same when I got angry at myself for not having done something better. Only because of my fears. So what? I want to see, if others with the exact same mindset like mine would have done it any better? Even Abraham said that people like me need to be treated with loving patience. So how about I shower myself with all the love I can find?
I'm doing my best. I'll find my way. I feel hopeful that I can change my beliefs. And that treating myself nicely will also help me. I'm hopeful, that one day I'll feel confident and good while interacting with others. And that I will act and live independently.

[Layshii]

The results of today's practice: Had an intense talk with the person I wrote about. I now see more empathy in them, I opened up more to them and am trusting them more. We're working better as a team now. I also got further clarity about some things. And instead of running away from the anxiety, I felt an impulse to play 'as if'. And I am now writing how grateful I am for having a healthy positive mind and great confidence. Fells really good

[Layshii]

I'm at day 5 of my practice with writing 'as if'. I'm also using it, when I deal with anxiety and it helps me to feel better. I want to keep practicing for 6 weeks and I get better and better at making peace with what is and with the fact that the only changes for now seem to be small. But looking back they are actually big, because I keep on practicing despite all the contrast that came up so far. And I want to keep going and am looking forward to experience my thoughts changing one day into believing the 'as if' and expecting it. For now whenever I'm in doubt, I tell myself, that this doubt is the best sign to continue my practice. Fear is a sign, that I'm aware of my warning system now. And there's work for me to do, like changing my focus on what I want. I've got this! I believe in myself! I can do it!
6 weeks, let's go!!!

[Layshii]

I feel anxious. The momentum of fear still keeps going although I did everything I could think of to feel better. The only thing I can do now is to make peace with it. This fear stems from this old belief that is still active in me. I've just started to build a positive belief that is the opposite and hopefully will take over and I will feel good with that new belief. But until then, the old belief and the negative momentum can be active and dominant. It's like with the example of the train. There are so many motors on the side that goes in the wrong direction, the only thing that will change at first is that the speed decreases when I put motors on the opposite side. So I'm still going in the wrong direction, but I've already practiced new belief that lead into the right direction. How about I'm gentle with myself. And happy, that I've made some first steps into the right direction. I can keep going. I will always come back to the right direction. Wouldn't it be nice to experience how the new beliefs become stronger and how I will feel better and better? I'm doing fine. I practice good feeling thoughts. This is day 7 of my practice. I remember someone saying that it can take up to 90 days until a new belief has successfully taken over. Meaning, there's no point of being impatient. However long it will take for me, it doesn't matter. I made it to day 7. I dealt with all the contrast and doubt and I keep practicing. I'm doing fine! One step after another.

[Layshii]

This is my safe haven. This is a safe bubble.
- But what, if the people here don't like me, because I'm so often in lower vibrations. I'm not up there and doing rampages of appreciation. -
And how does this thought feel? Bad. Guilty. These days I've found some more beliefs, that are around guilt. When I first read that guilt is a great factor when you're dealing with so-called mental illnesses, I didn't get it. But now I see it. Guilt for not being like others. For not accomplishing the things others do. For not being able to put the Abraham teachings into practice like most Abers can. For being who I am right now.
But my Inner Being loves me. Source loves me. They would never think about me like that (that makes me cry...).

They would never tell me: 'I don't know how to help you' and send me away. They would never assume that me having difficulties with applying techniques I learned in psychological therapy and not making progress by doing exposure therapy means, I would want therapists to magically cure my anxiety. Funny enough I think that would be possible, since I already had met someone who was able to influence me so much my vibration rose from the bottom to the top. Although I didn't believe that would be possible.
Okay. There's not only the belief, that I'm powerless towards people. But also the belief, that I won't get help or support. Because 'they don't know what I'm dealing with, they misunderstand me, the tell me the don't know how to help me and send me away.' So how can I even trust anyone again?
These beliefs are around powerlessness. But there's also anger. Hate. I hate these people. I hate that they still manifest in my life. I hate that it's so hard to belief that there are genuine people out there. That people like 'Abraham therapists' exist. Like when Abraham talked to therapists. I wish I could have Abraham as my therapists every day. I wish my connection to my IB would be open enough and I would trust it to guide me. But I feel hopeless, that I am able to achieve that.
How can I believe in something new, when my experiences have been mostly awful? I can tell myself, that I am the one who created all of this. But I don't believe in myself that I'm able to create the opposite.
Then why have there been people that were able to help my on my way? Why have there been impulses that pushed me in the direction and I helped myself? There must be something that is working for me. I must do something right then.

A belief is just a thought that I keep thinking.
'I don't know how to help you' - 'I know how to help you' No, I don't trust that. How would anyone know what my path looks like?
'I understand you. I'm here to support you on your path. I'm here for you to change your self-image to the one you want to have. I'm here to support you in dealing with your negative beliefs and building a part in your mind that is good at soothing yourself. I'm here to help you rise your vibration faster. I'm here to remind you of your power. I'm here to help you faster make progress, easy and in a joyful way. I'm here to train you in setting your focus on positive aspects. I'm here to remind you of your inner strength. I'm here to support you in helping yourself. I'm here to support you in being more open to your inner guidance. I'm here, because I believe in you and I trust you and your power. I see your power. I see you as the beautiful powerful and happy self that you really are. I see you as mentally and physically healthy! You are mentally and physically healthy! You are this happy positive and powerful self. You are living as your true self. You are powerful. You are gorgeous, awesome, breathtaking. You radiate happiness and love.'

'I understand myself. I'm here to support myself on my path. I'm here for myself to change my self-image to the one I want to have - to the one I really am. I'm here to support myself in dealing with negative beliefs and building a part in my mind that is good at soothing myself. I'm here to help myself to rise my vibration faster. I'm here to remind myself of my power. I'm here to help myself to faster make progress, easy and in a joyful way. I'm here to train myself in setting my focus on positive aspects. I'm here to remind myself of my inner strength. I'm here to support myself in helping myself. I'm here to support myself in being more open to my inner guidance. I'm here, because I believe in myself and I trust myself and my power. I see my power. I see myself as the beautiful powerful and happy self that I really am. I see myself as mentally and physically healthy! I am mentally and physically healthy! I am this happy positive and powerful self. I am living as my true self. I am powerful. I am gorgeous, awesome, breathtaking. I radiate happiness and love!'
(And I just did a positive rampage, like the other Abers do )

I feel better. I feel good. Even my eyes can focus more clearly on the text before me.
How about I'm nice to myself now? I did some good cleaning up of negative beliefs. They might still be there and active. But in this moment, I changed my focus to feeling powerful. Let me stay a bit there. I don't need to take action right now. I can learn to trust the universe to handle things for me. I can learn to trust in my power. One step at a time. It's okay, if I'm not there yet. How about doing some exercises now so to invigorate the power of my body. Maybe that will feel nice? And then I could play around with how my new self-image (true self) would feel like and gather some more ideas.

[spiritualcookie]

I always enjoy seeing you work your way upwards - I like feeling the emotional shift as you write - it really comes across, so it's clear to me you are doing something powerful here : )

Acknowledging where we are when we feel low (whilst not giving it too much air time) and gently talking your way up is the perfect technique for certain states of mind that we ALL experience. It's even more effective than rampaging / appreciation at those low times when getting to the feeling-place of appreciation may not be accessible straight away. When I'm feeling lower I tend to work more off the forum, but I use this technique too. It takes a great amount of self-awareness to use the techniques that are truly effective for us at each vibrational set point

[Layshii]

I always enjoy seeing you work your way upwards - I like feeling the emotional shift as you write - it really comes across, so it's clear to me you are doing something powerful here : )

Acknowledging where we are when we feel low (whilst not giving it too much air time) and gently talking your way up is the perfect technique for certain states of mind that we ALL experience. It's even more effective than rampaging / appreciation at those low times when getting to the feeling-place of appreciation may not be accessible straight away. When I'm feeling lower I tend to work more off the forum, but I use this technique too. It takes a great amount of self-awareness to use the techniques that are truly effective for us at each vibrational set point

Thank you, I'm happy that you can feel a shift in your vibration, too. Your feedback is much appreciated.
When I was in the old forum I wished that there were other people like me dealing with similar stuff (Maybe there were and I just wasn't a match to find them). So I hope me practicing here can also be beneficial for others in some way

I agree and my goal is to give the higher vibrations more air time on here. I also do techniques off the forum. But I appreciate the feeling of support and being understood that I get while practicing here. It helps me to deal with the lower vibrations that I still find challenging

[Layshii]

It's day 19 of my current practice and I'm happy that I've been practicing every day. The changes so far are: My general vibration is higher than before. I got better at dealing with contrast and with times of low vibration. People around me tend to be more friendly. I have moments in which I can feel my true self and moments in which I feel more confident. My self-talk became friendlier. Several people contacted me to socialize with me. I'm more aware of my old thinking habits and at changing to new better feeling thoughts. I'm better at dealing with doubt and with what-is. I feel healthier and are able to physically do more things than before. Also I see the connection between low vibration and low energy much clearer now.
All of this is proof, that things are changing to the better! I want to continue with this practice and explore what else is going to change. Also I tried visualization again and feel more comfortable with it now. Especially when I concentrate more on how I want to feel and let that be enough, if I can't get a clear picture.
This is great! I'd love to experience how every single topic transforms into one of high vibration

[Layshii]

I wish I could ask Abraham, why I am like this and what they would suggest me to do.
I currently stopped my practice at day 38. I know I should make peace with what-is. I know I should make peace with fear, heart racing, negative visualisations and expectations. With my mind being in negative momentum and strongly focused in negative aspects. I feel powerless. I feel so powerless. No matter what I try, my mind keeps behaving like a monster that tries to prevent me from changing my thoughts and feelings. And this also prevents me from getting the help and solutions I wish for.
I feel powerless, tired, burnt out. The thoughts say, that people don't understand me. I shouldn't ask for support, I will be disappointed. And that's what I've been manifesting so far.
Right now, someone told me how short his fears are and how he is able to pivot and change his focus on better feeling thoughts.
I feel so jealous! That must be EASY!!! It must be soooo easy to practice with all these techniques and experience progress!!! I'm so jealous! Does he even know, how precious this is? His possibilities? I'm so angry!!! What a waste! I want my mind to be like that! I want to have it this easy!!!
You stupid mind! I hate you! I'm so fed up with you trying to control me and ruining my life! I'm fed up with you bringing up every negative thing you can imagine, to hinder me in finding positive aspects.
I know, it's no use being angry at you and scolding you. You've been like this from early childhood on.Clinging to this belief, that I'm powerless and need to be protected at all cost. So it seems natural to worry and come up with catastrophic scenarios to prevent me from doing something, that might hurt me.
I guess I shouldn't have watched all these movies in which horrible things happen to people. Now you come up with the most ridiculous scenarios, when I look for positive aspects. Like when I look for an example for feeling trust. I trust that the floor I'm walking on will hold my weight, like it did my whole life. Then you come with a scene from a movie in which a floor breaks and people fall through it. You claim, that there's always a possibility that something like this could happen. Not caring how slim the chances are. But it becomes a bit scary, when I think further, that it could become a reality with loa. That's why I think it might have not been the best idea to look into loa. But I'm too deep down the rabbit hole now. Might as well keep going.

It's okay. This is how it is. I can be nicer to myself and to my mind. My mind doesn't know better. It's just a mechanism, that's been running a faulty program. I can get better at dealing with this. I can get better at feeling better and finding better feeling thoughts. Wouldn't it be nice, if I am able to feel love towards my mind and myself? To talk with it in a nice loving and calming way? Wouldn't it be nice, if I take charge and guide this mechanism towards a new belief? Wouldn't it be nice to learn this skill and getting better at it? Wouldn't it be great to have someone that can teach me this and support me on my way? Wouldn't it be nice, if the circumstances of this kind of support would all feel good? Wouldn't it be nice to have someone like that in my life and to feel good about it?
It would be nice. I would like that. And I believe, there exist people like that. There have to be therapists like that or others that would love to work with me.

I've come so far! I have much more clarity. It's okay, if I'm not where I want to be yet. I'm changing! And one day I'll be much faster at pivoting. I'll be up to speed with that guy who can pivot fast. That would be great!
And one day I'll tell everyone, that I did it! That I enjoy going for walks, I enjoy being with other people, getting to know them, talking, working and dancing with them. That my life is fun and awesome. I'm living as my true self! That is really me! I'm so happy! I have so much fun! I love my life! I love people!
And...
I love my mind! My mind is a master at making up positive scenarios. Visualizing positive scenes is so much fun and easy! Everywhere I go I see positive aspects. And I love collecting positive aspects. My mind is so good at supporting me. It knows I'm powerful and believes in me. I am my true self. I have this feeling of knowing! And the accompanying feelings of fun and ease! It's so normal for me to be like that. It's so easy and normal to be my true self! I love myself! I love this world! I love my body.

... I want to love my mind. I want to believe that my mind can change. I want to believe, that my mind will support me to be my true self.
It's changing. I have already changed or I wouldn't be able to pivot like I did now. I have changed! And I keep on changing! I feel better and better! I got faster at coming back into positive momentum. It doesn't matter how long it took me now and how much faster other people are. I'm on my way. I'm doing well! I've got this!
I've attracted a book that is like the predecessor of the Abraham teachings. And I love how helpful the suggestions are, for example on how to learn visualization more easily. And it also is good to know, that this also helped other people who struggled with it like me. I love how good that feels. Reassuring and supporting.
I love how I attracted a quote that helps me to get better at making peace. I love that I believe, there's a chance that this therapy I'm looking for, is very helpful for me. And that there is a person who I will love to work with. Wouldn't it be nice to meet someone like an Abe-therapist? Wouldn't it be nice to have this kind of support? To have someone in my life who knows what's going on with my mind and how to deal with it, like Abraham does? Wouldn't it be nice to meet someone who believes in me? Who sees my true true self and supports me in becoming it more and more?

I'm doing fine. I'll find a way to work with my mind together. To guide it. To be friendly towards it. Step by step.
It doesn't matter, if I find myself in negative momentum again. I'll go upwards again and again. And I will stay up longer every time. I can do this! I'm awesome! And I know it

[spiritualcookie]

It doesn't matter, if I find myself in negative momentum again. I'll go upwards again and again. And I will stay up longer every time. I can do this! I'm awesome! And I know it

(so happy to see you back on the forum doing your awesome, inspiring, powerful pivoting work! )