How to focus constructively when you are worried about your kids?

[LifzGud]

I am a follower of Abraham Hicks (for well over a decade but evidently haven't studied the teachings enough ) and the teachings really resonate with me. My situation is as follows:

I have two grown kids by age (24 and 22) who have substantial mental health issues. They live at home (not a problem to me), but they don't have any goals due to anxiety et al. They work part-time for our company but make minimal money (less than 5k a year). I don't feel right trying to push them to do something with their life, but sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and obsessively worry about them and their future.

I know this isn't helpful. I need some recalibration with myself. I am seeking advice on recalibrating myself or even YouTube videos that might cover issues like this.

How do I support them when it seems like I need to give them a huge shove to do something with their lives?

[spiritualcookie]

Hi LifzGud

Abraham tend to put ourselves at the center of the work. So perhaps the work is to soothe your own anxiety. If you are anxious, you attract seeing the anxious parts of them. And if you are flowing with your own desires, feeling capable, feeling relaxed, happy and good, then by the law of attraction, it should be that you attract seeing that energy reflected back to you too.

When YOU feel better
those who love you also feel better.

- Abraham Hicks, San Antonio, TX, 5/29/99

Also it's about reframing the way you see them.

It sounds like currently the opposite end of the stick to what you want is being activated. How about doing some work on activating the wanted-end-of-the-stick?

- Do exercises where you list your children's positive aspects; the things they are talented in, good at, the things they enjoy doing etc

- Remember times in the past where your kids showed how capable they were; how self-motivated they were to do something. Amplify that energy with your focus.

- If you know what their desires are, you can visualize them following their desires & dreams in the hypothetical case that they didn't have any anxiety / resistance stopping them. You can fantasize and write out what that would look like to get the creative energy flowing in creating that reality.

The greatest gift that you could ever give another is the gift of your expectation of their success.

Abe

-

I also wonder if there's anything your kids can do to gently take baby steps to soothe their own anxieties. I bet deep down they want to feel free to follow their desires & dreams, and would want to let go of the resisitance / anxiety they have. Once the anxiety is soothed, often people become self-inspired to move forward in a direction when they are fueled by a desire.

Just remember that for your child to live a glorious experience,
he must be connected to Source Energy.
So anything that you do that encourages connection is helping.
Anything that you do that discourages it, is not.

- Abraham Hicks, Chicago, IL, 4/25/99

[LifzGud]

Hi spiritualcookie

This was very helpful. I know I need to do the work on this for sure. I get so swept up in the What Is Ness of it all and forget the things that I know can help.

I definitely need to work on myself and gently morph the way I frame what is going on here. All is Well. I just need to let that be the case.

[simon]

Hi LifzGud and welcome to AbeForum

I have two grown kids by age (24 and 22) who have substantial mental health issues. They live at home (not a problem to me), but they don't have any goals due to anxiety et al. They work part-time for our company but make minimal money (less than 5k a year). I don't feel right trying to push them to do something with their life, but sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and obsessively worry about them and their future.

When you wake up in the middle of the night and "obsessively worry about them and their future". That would be a good time for you to pay attention to the specific thoughts you are thinking about them that causes that worry, and write them all down in a notepad. After you have done so I would personally recommend to, try to distract yourself from thinking more about it, even if it can seem a bit hard at first. Try to think about anything else but that. Your goal here should be to find any thoughts about anything that feels a little better to you. Thinking more about it isn't going to solve anything. it's just going to make it a bigger "problem" in your life.

Now at some time when you are not worrying about them, it could be a nice time to do some deliberate "work" on that subject to permanently move it into a slightly less bad feeling place. Take the thoughts that you wrote down in a notepad and apply some Abraham process on them, for example the Focus wheel process or just "find a slightly better feeling way to express the same thing but that feels a little better to me yet seems believable". Law of attraction will only allow you to shift your practiced thoughts in small steps and that's what you want so it will be sustainable. Your goal with this will be to feel some relief (and not try to fix something), and if you do, you have shifted that belief a little.

Ultimately it doesn't matter if you do this or find any other way to feel better, it doesn't matter how that "feeling better" is accomplished, but feeling better is something that is a nice dominant intention to have throughout your day. The only benefit to deliberately "work" on those negative thoughts about your kids is to permanentely move that subject in a better-feeling place and eventually even a good-feeling place, so it no longer feel like an "issue" in your life.

I know this isn't helpful. I need some recalibration with myself. I am seeking advice on recalibrating myself or even YouTube videos that might cover issues like this.

I think it's good to make it clear for yourself that: The only reason it's not helpful for you, is, because thinking those thoughts about your kids doesn't feel good.
And anytime you don't feel good it's not helpful for your alignment. It's hindering the alignment. You're blocking the natural wellbeing to flow with your thoughts.
Then there are multiple techniques you can use to feel good and it doesn't matter what you do to feel better, but the important thing is that you find a way to feel better. That's the only "recalibration" necessary. Finding any way to feel better.

I found a YouTube video with this name that might be helpful for you, if you search for:
"Being a Successful ParentAbraham Hicks 2023"

How do I support them when it seems like I need to give them a huge shove to do something with their lives?

As spiritualcookie beautifully put it, when you feel good you will positively influence your kids and they'll also be more likely to be influenced to also feel better when they are around you and as we know, feeling better is always the answer, even for them.

You cannot create in anyone else's reality, and you can't know exactly what they have put in their vortexes and what their desires are. They might be very satisfied in their current way of living or they could have desires of having a bigger income, and whenever they feel good they will be allowing their own desires to flow to a bigger degree and everything will be working out. So instead of focusing on the question how you can support them, you should instead focus on how you can feel better for yourself.
You have a desire for things working for your kids already done inside your vortex, and your only "job" now is to find ways to feel better. Then if you spend time in your Vortex you might get inspired to actions that will help your kids and so on, but trying to force some action to give them a "huge shove" to make them do something with their lives from outside of the vortex is not really the way you want to do it, because it's not going to be effective or have satisfactory results.

[Paradise-on-Earth]

It is said, that our children (no matter if they are grown or not) or our pets usually take the role of being a sort of mirror-image to us.
I have to admit, I found this VERY true.

Think about it, when you find yourself "obsessively" worrying about them- is this so different to them, having mental health issues?
Abe say, we must teach BY OUR EXAMPLE. So how about approaching this in taking a knee so to speak, and accepting your role as parent who's job it is to be a really good example to their children. And in that, deliberately swallow your trained practice of worry, and train yourself into more appropriate behavior, INSTEAD.

Been there, done that. It works as a charm!
My sister in law, who also has 4 children, started into parenthood being chronically depressive. Once she realized that she was pregnant, she DECIDED to stop pondering sad stuff, worry, misery and the worlds problems, (like other people maybe quit smoking or doing drugs), so that she could be a good mother. It worked, she never again "went there" (depression).

It may sound bold, but we REALLY are free to choose however we live! And when we have trained some unhelpful stuff, we must train helpful focus/thoughts/behavior, as I said above- INSTEAD of what doesn't help. This is no rocket science. You can do it!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

HOW TO FOCUS CONSTRUCTIVELY WHEN YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR KIDS?

When I transcribed this clip, I thought of you. It exactly answers your question, even with a perfect step-by-step advice on how to guide your thoughts!

NOTHING IS EVER WRONG!
(It only takes 30 days to come into true, unconditional love)

Well friends, we think you've got it! We think that you now understand, that you are Source Energy in physical bodies, yes?
-Do you get it, that you've come here with purpose to understand that that purpose is expansion joyous expansion?
-Do you understand that you never get it done, and you cannot get it wrong,
-and the reason that you can't get it wrong is, because it's never done!?

So even though it may sound or feel out of balance, and maybe even wrong, that it really isn't wrong.

Because, in the feeling of wrongness, you're giving birth to your opinion of what would be better, and the source within you so trusts your opinion of what would be better for you, that the source within you embraces that idea completely. And becomes a vibrational equivalent to it! And holds steady there, until you find your way there.

We've talked about the fun of croaking- you're still not there, are you?
We've talked about the deliciousness of releasing resistance, through what you call the death experience, and we've talked about releasing resistance through meditation- quieting the mind.
We've talked about releasing resistance through appreciation.

But you have to be somewhere in the vicinity of appreciation, to release resistance! But do you know, with every feeling of relief that you find, as you make your way up the emotional scale- with every feeling of relief there, is the releasing of resistance. And so every effort that you make to release a little resistance is really worth the effort! Because in time, because of the vastness of the variety of your life,

the subjects that are alive and active in your now, are enough for you to release all resistance that you've accumulated over a lifetime!

Do you know that you don't have to go back and make peace with some wrongdoing, that happened 20 years ago or 30 years ago- or yesterday?

You don't have to go back and fix all of those things. Because whatever is active in your vibration now is bringing you current, real life, active, poignant, meaningful-now matches!

You're attracting the vibrational evidence that shows you what you're doing:
Do you know that what you're living, and the way it is playing out, is your vibrational indicator?
Do you know, what's going on in your body is just an indicator of your vibration?
Do you know that what's happening in your life- in terms of relationship, is just a vibrational indicator?
Do you know the money in your bank account is a vibrational indicator?

Everything that is manifested, the car that you're driving, the house that you're living in, the clothes that you're wearing, the condition of your body- everything about your life, is a vibrational indicator.

And those indications of vibration are being shown to you all day, every day. In the form of the emotion that you feel! So, if you leave here with one decision within you, and it goes like this:

"I now understand the importance of recognizing how I feel.
And I do care about feeling as good as I can feel, about that and that and that."

So, somebody you love tells you a lie, and it hits you hard. And you think: "They shouldn't lie to me. They should trust me more! I wish they wouldn't lie." And then you try to wrestle them to the ground, and you try to figure out why they are lying, and you try to figure out where the lies started, and you try to understand the motive of the lie- and all you do is get yourself in a scramble. Because you can't begin to understand it! You couldn't sort it out, if you had a hundred lifetimes to do it. But you can recognize that your attention to this subject is causing you discomfort, right here and now! And you could choose a better feeling thought!

-So you find a thought that goes something like: "I don't understand where they're coming from!" -and that gives you a little relief.
-And then you think of the thoughts such as: "Well, I have told a lie before." And that might make you feel better, too!
-And then you think a thought such as "The only time I've ever lied was, because I didn't think the person would like, what I thought to be the truth. And I wanted them to feel as good as they could feel. So, maybe there is some compassion in lying somewhere?" -and you feel a little better.
-And then you think: "I don't know why I'm making such a big thing about this."
-And then you think "I can't even remember what the subject to hand was!"
-and then you think "I think I've been making a big deal out of nothing."
-and then you think "this is a person who I really love."
-and then you think "it really doesn't matter what they're doing! It really only matters how I feel about them!"
-and then you think "I should not ask them to behave in certain ways in order to love them! Because, I am one who offers unconditional love."

And as you work your way through issue after issue, with person after person, and subject after subject- before you know it, within one or two or three days, certainly four or five- and absolutely within 30!! -you will have had enough real-life experiences show you the vibrational evidence, of what's going on with your vibration: That you can clean it ALL up! Within 30 days, you can have cleaned up enough of your vibration- and

by "cleaning up", all we mean is: Find a better feeling thought!

Find a better feeling thought, find a better feeling thought, find a better feeling thought... that...
Do you know that you are 30 days or less from being a vibrational match to the source, that is really you?
To the reason that you were born, to the coming forth into this physical experience?
To the living the joyous life-experience, that you have come to live?
To the being a vibrational match to what's in your vibrational escrow?
To the getting inside everything, that you've ever asked for?

Do you know how close you are, in terms of time, having everything that life so far has caused you to ask for?

It's such a short distance!
It just requires some caring about how you feel. And a willingness, to move yourself deliberately up the emotional scale, and back into vibrational alignment with who you really are. As you do that every day, you'll see the world a little more through the eyes of source! And as you begin to view your magnificent world through the eyes of source, you will then revel in your beingness, and in that of others, and you will feel pride, and worth, beyond physical description. And you will begin to express to others:

I've come forth with great reason into this physical body and that reason is for joyous expansion and I wish that for all.

From the youtube-clip "Abraham Hicks - Practice the feeling of Unconditional LOVE / No Ads during"

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Become OBSESSED with what you like!


...If you would become obsessed with the best parts of your life! Which means:

you talk about it and
you think about it and
you play with it and
you observe it and
you take pictures of it and
you tell others about it and
you think about it and
you talk about it and
you observe it;

...until you activate it in your vibration until more thoughts like it come.

If you would become obsessed with the best parts of your life, you would deactivate the parts of your life that you don't want! But when you are obsessed with the parts of your life that you don't want, and you keep them active, then there aren't enough helpers in the world to help you get to where you think you want to be.

Abraham Workshop, Los Angeles, August 17, 2008

[LifzGud]

I found a YouTube video with this name that might be helpful for you, if you search for:
"Being a Successful ParentAbraham Hicks 2023"

That was a wonderful find Simon, thank you!

So instead of focusing on the question how you can support them, you should instead focus on how you can feel better for yourself.

And that is the key to IT ALL Feel better myself. It doesn't have anything to do with them. It is all about me lining up with what is in my vortex and reaching for a better feeling thought from where I am.

And in that, deliberately swallow your trained practice of worry, and train yourself into more appropriate behavior, INSTEAD.

And that old habit of arguing for my limitations. Work on me and get tuned into my inner being. That is the answer

"I now understand the importance of recognizing how I feel.
And I do care about feeling as good as I can feel, about that and that and that."

It just requires some caring about how you feel. And a willingness, to move yourself deliberately up the emotional scale, and back into vibrational alignment with who you really are.

A light bulb of sorts kind of went off. I haven't been permitting myself to care about feeling good. I guess I have always looked outside myself for others to do that for me, which they rarely did. How freeing it is to realize that that isn't their job. It's an inside job.

But when you are obsessed with the parts of your life that you don't want, and you keep them active, then there aren't enough helpers in the world to help you get to where you think you want to be.

Pretty much where I have been for a bit. Time to do a bit of shifting. How I feel matters, and I have the control to move to a better feeling place every step of the way.

Thanks so much for taking the time to gently turn me around and look at what my real goal in this life is

[Paradise-on-Earth]

I'm so glad you got your answers!
Cheering you on!!!

(and reminding you... you didn't get where "you are" over night, and it also needs some time to train yourself where you "want to be". Iow, shifting around takes PRACTICE. So, be gentle with yourself!)

You have to practice Deliberate Creation!
It's an art, not an accident!

Abraham Hicks

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Happy Birthday, LifzGud!! ...And the wish that your desires will feel fully achieved and satiated!