Why finding relief is hard and feels like a lot of effort?

[MoonChild]

Hi, I'm new to the forum. Although, I used to visit the older forum in the past looking for guidance.

English isn't my first language so please excuse me for any mistakes.

So, here's my situation - I'm chronically stressed from a long time now, to the extent that simple bodily functions such eating, sleeping are severely affected. I can't focus on work, mind is always foggy and every waking moment is emotionally painful.

I'm unable to relax no matter how much I try. And I'm aware it shouldn't even feel like trying, but I'm just unable to find better feeling thoughts, or distract myself or meditate. My body holds a lot of muscle tension which makes everyday life very hard and it's almost impossible for me to enjoy anything.

Now on the older forum, I read an answer by Marc which said that a thought that truly feels better is neither hard to find nor hard to sustain. And this makes sense to me and I get that our work is to just soothe ourselves a little bit. But I feel I'm unable to do even that. In my current experience, everything feels like a burden and my baseline perception is of fear and stress. All I want is for someone to take all my responsibilities away, comfort me and tug me away to sleep in a warm bed. I try to think thoughts that would instill a sense of safety and comfort, and sometimes I do feel relief but it's usually very short lived and hard to sustain.


My question simply is how to effortlessly go downstream.

[spiritualcookie]

Hi MoonChild

I find that the trick to sustain that feeling of relief, and make it longer-lived is regular, constant PRACTICE, and awareness.

The reason the relief is not "sticking" for very long is for two reasons:
1.) We have momentum going on where we are, and little momentum going for where we want to go (in the early stages of doing the work).
2.) When we're not aware, we still have the habit of giving more air-time to stress-attracting things than to relief-attracting things. The more you practice relief, the more air-time you give to the more feel-good end of the stick, and the longer the relief will stick around.

It's a gradual process, but you can do it with persistent practice.

-

Practice doesn't have to be hard or a burden.

Your situation sounds very familiar to my own personal experience with getting a handle on chronic body-ingrained stress that also used to affect my eating and sleeping quite severely. I can offer some things that have been helping me:

- Shift focus away from stress-inducing things if possible:
Abraham would say to try not to give focus and attention to things that give you negative emotion.
If you know what's making you stressed, if it's possible to reduce / eliminate / take the focus off that root cause somehow, that can be helpful.

- Repeated Positive Intending:
I've put up two little post-it notes where I spend most of my day: One says "I am intending to Relax", the other says "I am intending to Breathe" (because I've noticed when I'm stressed, my breathing is very shallow, so this reminds me to breathe in a more relaxed, deep way). These are good, easy-to-do reminders for me to check into my body, make sure my shoulders are relaxed, that I'm not holding my muscles with tension - a reminder to keep things loose, and to breathe deeply, breathing out any tension whenever possible.
I also gently, with soft energy, repeat the mantra "I am intending to relax" or "I am intending relaxation" in my head quite often throughout the day whenever I remember to, accompanied by a muscle-tension-relaxation-check. Gently, physically shake off or breathe out the tension. I also find it soothing to know that when I do this physical relaxation, I allow my natural state of wellness and wellbeing to flow more easily.

- Aligning with energies & vibrations of relaxation:
Engaging in activities that are energetically relaxing may help train your vibration to a more relaxed level. There are many - from petting a pet, to taking a walk in nature, to taking a relaxing, warm bath, to listening to relaxing music. For me personally, before bed, I find it helpful using relaxing aromatherapy to train a more relaxed vibration. I use an essential oil called "Stress Away", another called "Peace and Calming" and other times Lavender, to soothe and relax and it really helps me align with relaxing vibes and get into a state where I'm able to have better sleep. I combine smelling them with taking about 10 deep breaths pre-bed, which also helps. Some people use a diffuser to diffuse relaxing aromatherapy too.

- Soothing self-talk:
The key here is finding what words will soothe you from where you are. "Everything is ok.. all is well" may work for one person, but it may not work for you if you're not "there" or if you don't believe these words.. So what will soothe you? It depends on where you are on the Emotional Guidance Scale.

my baseline perception is of fear and stress. All I want is for someone to take all my responsibilities away, comfort me and tug me away to sleep in a warm bed. I try to think thoughts that would instill a sense of safety and comfort, and sometimes I do feel relief

The good news is, it sounds like you have awareness of where you are on the Emotional Guidance Scale, and it sounds like you're along the right track here. It's just a matter of practising this, amplifying these thoughts that give some relief - giving them lots of air time.

Something that's helped soothe me in the past when I was on the "Fear disk", was reminding myself:
"I'm only having these fearful thoughts because I'm on the Fear vibrational disk - that's all. It's just Fear talking. It doesn't mean it's going to happen." - Somehow that awareness that it's not "real" but just a disk I'm on, takes the edge off the fear for me. It enables me to try to reach to a slightly higher vibration by gently stopping the fearful thought-train, and putting in its place something else, like putting a song in my head to distract, or thinking anything else that isn't fearful.

[Paradise-on-Earth]

My question simply is how to effortlessly go downstream.

Hi and welcome to the Forum, MoonChild! I agree with all points that cookie has offered so lovingly. And want to highlight your last sentence:
There IS a certain amount of effort that it takes to turn a momentum around.
Once you "stopped the train" so to speak and give it momentum ("speed up") into the wanted direction, you are doing things that feel uncommon. This takes
AWARENESS, and
DELIBERATE FOCUS.

That -probably- feels like "effort" in the beginning, until you get used to being more aware, and more deliberate, and guiding your focus and thus, your life, on purpose. BUT- that, also, is SO MUCH MORE FUN.
Just "sleeping your life away" is no fun! Just staying in constant pain is no fun. Hurting and prolonging discomfort is no fun. Practicing disempowerment and helplessness is no fun. It is survival.

All I want is for someone to take all my responsibilities away, comfort me and tug me away to sleep in a warm bed.

Understood. You are in this place, because being "unconscious" feels better than pain. How about you deliberately allow yourself such time-outs and enjoy them fully? Maybe you have a mate, a friend, a family member that will at some times tug you lovingly into your bed, comfort you and tell you that -for now- nothing else matters than relaxing and sleeping and "letting go and letting God"? How about you ask for such a loving gift? Or, maybe, you give it to yourself?

Our "responsibility" is truly to let go what feels bad and do what calls you, and what feels AS RELIEF. You don't need to have a breakdown or burnout to do so. You can have this in EVERY evening, and, indeed, every time you feel you would need it. Just allow yourself to have this! Just allow yourself to relax, when things feel painful! (This really is good advice FOR ALL OF US!) Allow yourself to procrastinate, when you are not joyfully inspired. Don't torture yourself with anything that has a "should", "must" or "need" within. Marc knew this, as well. Maybe his advice was for someone who had trained themselves into "arguing for their own limitations" as Abe put it- because, really, as you have proved here-

we all KNOW what we would like better. It IS "easy" to find a better feeling thought: In your case, you want to relax, give up too much responsibility, and SLEEP. Which is maybe the best medicine that exists. So- Do that, and don't torture yourself in thinking that this wouldn't be enough!

You never "need" to do more than just take THE VERY NEXT TINY STEP of relief.

[abrahammer117]

Hiya,

You've got some good responses there - I'll add a couple of things from my own experience of travelling from chronic stress to steady improvement.

- As Hicks says in 'Getting into the Vortex', "at first you relief will be sporadic but eventually will become more consistent". So at this stage consistent relief is too far away to aim for. So we're really after the easiest and most reliable thing to do every day to find a genuine moment of relief.

- The easiest method I have found for finding genuine relief (however short lived on that day) is simply reading Ab Hicks books for 45 minutes first thing every morning. It has the triple whammy of distracting you from the normal resistant thoughts present, giving you easy access to the better feeling thoughts on the page AND reprogramming your mind which is biased upstream. Ideally when you finish the book, get another one
I was at very high stress levels at the end of last year, I've been reading every morning for 65days and there is indeed consistent improvement in everything.
You will always be 'up and down' , but the downs will gradually get a little less intense the longer you do this.

[admin]

Hi MoonChild and welcome to the forum!
I moved your topic to the "Abraham-Hicks Teachings and You" category as I find it better suits what you're wanting to discuss

[MoonChild]

Hi all, appreciate all your replies. Couldn't post a reply here earlier, as since the last time I posted,
things in life have gone downhill real fast.

Airtime is definitely an issue but I've come to realise that my main issue might be that I try too hard to relax. I've got a lot of resistance going on regarding relaxation itself.

This might've happened coz I've been trying to use all this to quickly fix my problems in life. When I first came across LOA, I tried to control my thoughts - to only think the positive ones and stop the negative (not a good approach obviously), but I worked very hard at it.

I also somehow thought I can just do this better feeling work and have the manifestation instantly (which again is stupid of me).

I started treating relaxation as a chore(one with high resistance) and was so determined to perform this chore, in order to get what I wanted fast, that I completely forgot what it actually meant and felt like to chill out and relax.

Now I'm at point where I've manifested everything entirely opposite of what I ever wished for. It's like things have happened that I couldn't even imagine in my worst nightmares. So many bad experiences, embarrassments, pain and suffering.

There have been some moments randomly where I have been able to find relief very easily. These were moments where I wasn't in a hurry to find relief and actually didn't even expect much relief.

So what I'm thinking now is maybe I need to approach relaxation like any other skill and accept that with time I'll get better at it. That I'll have to give it some time daily and not expect that I can just one day let go of all resistance and immediately I'll be in a better place. That there'll be ups and downs like in any other learning journey. I feel this does take away the expectation to immediately feel good and pressure to hurry from the whole process for me.

If I give this a few months and try to practice relaxation like a skill, which is going to be full of ups and downs I think, as my life situation is testing my limits daily, maybe I'll be able to ease the pressure that I feel when I try to relax or find relief.

I'd love to hear if anyone has experienced something similar and what might help in situations like mine.

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Hi all, appreciate all your replies. Couldn't post a reply here earlier, as since the last time I posted,
things in life have gone downhill real fast.

Airtime is definitely an issue but I've come to realise that my main issue might be that I try too hard to relax. I've got a lot of resistance going on regarding relaxation itself.

I hear you! I came from the very same direction, and I guess this problem is rampant in the western hemisphere. Our society has it drummed into us-Work hard, hurry, don't be lazy (aka, don't "rest"). And I add: Bash yourself, when things don't work out, even if you tried so hard!

And as you have proven to yourself- all of this is the pure opposite of what would or even could work. And that really is a good thing, because it will give you a basis of intellectual AND physical experience.

This might've happened coz I've been trying to use all this to quickly fix my problems in life. When I first came across LOA, I tried to control my thoughts - to only think the positive ones and stop the negative (not a good approach obviously), but I worked very hard at it.

It sounds funny when you listen to the sentence "I worked very hard at relaxing", right? (This is NOT meant to blame you!!)
But if we wouldn't be so hypnotized with the demands to "work hard and prove your right to exist with it", we all would NOTICE. Controlling yourself, as well, doesn't help your relaxation, either.

I also somehow thought I can just do this better feeling work and have the manifestation instantly (which again is stupid of me).

And now you also start bashing yourself: STOP IT! It doesn't feel good,it doesn't relax you, and source would never share you in doing this. Which means- you CAN NOT get into Alignment aka ITV, while you blame- and bash yourself!

I started treating relaxation as a chore(one with high resistance) and was so determined to perform this chore, in order to get what I wanted fast, that I completely forgot what it actually meant and felt like to chill out and relax.

Cut yourself some slack about that and maybe even be proud, that you finally have noticed! Many people cling to the learnt premises until they die because of them. We all are turning around some very, very deep trained premises, and all in all, a paradigm that was full of misuse. You need new "thought-passage-ways", and- while the principles are incredibly simple, the practical sides are not easy at all-as they literally are the opposites of what we trained al our life, and what we have seen almost everyone else do, as well. AND, we have observed how those that didn't live the old paradigm-premises got shunned and mocked and treated badly. So, we certainly didn't want to experience the same sad fate as them!

Think about it. This is NOT about action (not even about non-action!)! It is about more love. More ease, and deeply understanding that you deserve a nicer treatment of yourself. It literally is making Peace, with yourself. Being so much NICER, to yourself!
-Care to soothe yourself, instead of motivating yourself.
-Allow yourself to stop hunting and needing and trying, and instead... BREATHE.
-Stop caring to get accomplishment, but enjoy the NOW-second, in which you notice the NOW. Without any try. Just be there, for a few moments.
-When you think something is urgent, pull the plug, so to speak, and

RELAX INTO (!!!) the PAIN.
Relax into the fear. Relax into what you are running from. THAT IS RELAXATION.

And- surprise- that, indeed, works instantaniously!

Now I'm at point where I've manifested everything entirely opposite of what I ever wished for. It's like things have happened that I couldn't even imagine in my worst nightmares. So many bad experiences, embarrassments, pain and suffering.

-Because you have approached it exactly in the most unhelpful way.
Your manifestations are mirror-images, they indicate exactly the ENERGY you have emanated! Isn't that helpful!? (I think it really, really is.)

There have been some moments randomly where I have been able to find relief very easily. These were moments where I wasn't in a hurry to find relief and actually didn't even expect much relief.

Isn't that perfect!

So what I'm thinking now is maybe I need to approach relaxation like any other skill and accept that with time I'll get better at it. That I'll have to give it some time daily and not expect that I can just one day let go of all resistance and immediately I'll be in a better place. That there'll be ups and downs like in any other learning journey. I feel this does take away the expectation to immediately feel good and pressure to hurry from the whole process for me.

Perfectly stated!!
And also- when you slip, when you start to hunt and bother and worry, and hurry- BE NICER TO YOURSELF! Care to, also in friendly babysteps, master self-love and friendly soothing and -caring for yourself, as a really deeply loving parent would do to their precious, unconditionally beloved child:

Take your time.
Be friendly and deeply understanding with yourself.
Care to find out what you REALLY would love to do, and don't torture yourself with things/work/food/"games"/people that you hate!
Begin to trust your joyful longings, desires, your impulses, even your cravings! Make peace with yourself and be there, FOR YOU. Not against!

If I give this a few months and try to practice relaxation like a skill, which is going to be full of ups and downs I think, as my life situation is testing my limits daily, maybe I'll be able to ease the pressure that I feel when I try to relax or find relief.

What a wonderful endeavor!



smell the roses by the wayside- at least, sometimes. Take a day off, out of the blue (or an hour, or even just 5 minutes) and just BE! and remind yourself, there are countless "helpers" there for you, to answer every question, to inspire you, to soothe you. Just ask for their help and listen.

[Paradise-on-Earth]