Layshii's realm of practice

[Layshii]

It doesn't matter, if I find myself in negative momentum again. I'll go upwards again and again. And I will stay up longer every time. I can do this! I'm awesome! And I know it

(so happy to see you back on the forum doing your awesome, inspiring, powerful pivoting work! )

Thank you so much

[Layshii]

I feel like working with some answers I found in the thread 'What's holding me back' viewtopic.php?t=579

But you are not yet really grounded in UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (that would be step 5). And you tend to club yourself over the head when you do things "wrong" (and you very exactly know when that happens). And in this awareness of what you are doing wrong or not good enough, you attract (duh!) those mean sharks that sniff blood and like to attack, because being mean feels better to them than feeling disempowered.

THIS!
If I would see myself through the eyes of unconditional love right now, I wouldn't struggle. I would feel okay. I would feel love. I would never even get the idea to beat myself up. I just see someone who tries their best to deal with what society calls mental and physically illness. I'd see the progress, I've made. I see, that this precious being (that is me) is currently struggling and believing negative beliefs. I also see the times in which this person felt better and had hope.
I see how she (me) attracted the answers here. She did that! LoA works in her favor. It's clearly visible. I see it from above, when I'm looking at her. She's trying so hard to find solutions and to feel better. She's made some remarkable progress. She's reacting much more positively, especially towards other people. She's much better at focusing on feeling good, despite how deep down she was on the EGS beforehand.

What would I (unconditional love) think about her (my) resistant mind and about that the negative beliefs are still active and preventing her from being her true self?
How would unconditional love feel?
Love. I want to hug her (me) and tell her, that everything is alright. I know how badly she wants to be at her goals. She's like a child flailing around in vain. I love her. I'm sure, she'll be able to have more trust. I see her power. I love her. I want to help her, by telling her, she is able to change her beliefs. She's able to make progress. Her mind has been changing gradually to the better. You've got this! I love you so much!

You ask me: 'what's the solution?' I feel your desperation. I see your struggle. I want to hold you and tell you, the solution is YOU. I see how you struggle to feel better, hoping that this will make your wishes come true. There's nothing to do right now. I just feel love. There are no thoughts about the future. No questions about what to do, how to change your mind, what to practice, how to make peace with what-is...
Stop!
There's only unconditional love.

- There's still negative momentum though.
I'm reading the quote again.
Can I be okay with this now?
I want my mindset to change so badly. I want to feel good when I go outside. I want to feel good and powerful when I see other people and deal with them. I want to feel joy while doing something creative. I want ease. I want my mind to instantly become that of my true self. I want to have a healthy body in which I feel good. I want to enjoy life. I want to feel fulfilled. I want my life to have a meaning that feels good. I want... and I don't have it. And I don't have hope, that I'll ever get it.

These are old habits of thinking.
Can I change them?
In the past month I've consciously changed my way of thinking. I decided to react differently. To shift my focus. And I got a more positive outlook on things. So, I've changed. I've changed my mindset. And it wasn't that I worked hard beforehand. I decided to change my ways of thinking, when contrast happened. I guess I've layed the groundwork through practicing feeling good.

I want to see this topic from the perspective from unconditional love. I can't seem to get there now. And that's okay. I realize, I want more details and solutions. But unconditional love is just a feeling. And that's enough for now.
But I want more.
Unconditional love doesn't think that way. It just feels love. There's only love. And knowing, that all is well.
Unconditional self-love.

Please: Stop it. Look at what you HAVE achieved!
The fear, depression, doubts that you have overcome (at least, in the most times).
The stability, that you gained (most of the time).
The humor and joy and wisdom, that you feel (mostly, or even just much of the time) in regards to "issues and problems".

I feel resistant. I can't do that now. And I feel bad about it. It's already tough to feel good. How am I supposed to feel good enough to look at details? How do I get my mind to see my success and to feel successful? That's what's been making any progress so difficult to achieve, isn't it? So I need to change that. I need to practice feeling successful. I need to appreciate my now-reality. I have to make peace... I have to...
Aaaand I'm back at struggling.

It's okay. There's no need to do this now. I've had moments in which I was able to appreciate some things. That's enough for now. Just stay general. Just reach for the feeling of unconditional love. Don't compare with others.
This is my journey.

[Layshii]

Another quote from the thread, mentioned above:

I listened to a segment where a seasoned Aber asked, like you, how it can be that she got a very rare and almost incurable cancer- WHILE she is an Abe-teacher and therapeut, who REALLY knows all the stuff, and who really gives it her all.

Abe answered: "You wanted to achieve a miracle. So that you finally can fully BELIEVE it, once you "did it". And so, you created a VERY hard to solve problem." Abe explained, that she really looked for this big, bold, impressive momentum, that would teach others, as well- because people often just believe in big dramatic evidence, not so much in the small "easy" random joy of flowing.

This is another question I recently had, that has been answered now. My questions are getting answered. A few days ago there was a similar occurrence. Is proof that I am able to follow my inner guidance.

Although, I feel scared by this answer. As if I hadn't enough negative beliefs already that I need to take care of. Now I have to really look at each one, so that I don't make things even worse than they are right now. Haha, but I guess I currently have a similar belief. Trying to 'cure' my mental and physical illnesses really seems like to be only possible, if I believe in a miracle.
- There it is. So that's what I believe.

I read success stories of others with circumstances that were similar to mine and I felt bad. I thought: 'It's much more easy for them, but not for me. It doesn't work for me. My circumstances are worse than theirs. Their minds must be way more positive than mine. I even lack the prerequisites like being able to see my successes and appreciate them. My mind is my worst enemy. A monster that is really hard to deal with.'

So... these are just a beliefs. In the back of my mind, I've always known this. - Woah, no, stopping right there. This thought feels bad.
Starting again.
My question has been answered. I attracted the answer. I found the answer by following my inner guidance. My inner guidance works. And I am able to follow it.
So my belief says, that I need a miracle or someone who really gets it and knows exactly how to help me. But that's a belief. These are thoughts. Nothing more. They aren't 'true'. Therefore it must be easy. I know it's easy. I just don't believe it. Yet. But I could believe it.

I can feel ease, can't I? Ease. Ease and flow.
I don't need to solve this right now. This is a first step.
It's easy - There's resistance. - But it's easy. - There's fear of change. If I would become my true self now, I would loose everything I've been accustomed to for most of my life. But would that really be a loss? Did it really feel so bad, when I experienced contrast and the usual thoughts that caused fear weren't there any more, because they weren't activated? It felt awkward. And maybe because I was still on a lower disc at that time. How would I've felt, if I would have been on a higher disc?

Can I change?
I can.
Can it be easy to change?
(Reframing my question.)
Can I feel ease?
Yes!
Are there things in my life that are easy?
Yes?
Can I appreciate them?
(nope. Reframing this question.)
It's easy to get up. It's easy to make myself something to eat. So I can think of things that are easy.
Can I change my mindset?
Yes.
Are there things that are easy in my life?
Yes.
Does it feel good that these things are easy?
Yes!
So, ease can feel good. I like ease. And I like to feel good. Do you like to be in a good mood?
Yes, I like to feel good. I like to think thoughts that feel good.
What about the ease you experience every day?
Yes, that feels good, too.
Can you be okay with this for now?
No, I want to solve this problem. I want to change this belief!
Can you go a step further then?
No, it doesn't feel good.
How do you want to feel?
I want to feel good. I want to feel sure. I want to be in a good mood.
Are you able to practice yourself into a good mood?
Yes.
And what, if this practice would be enough for now?
But I've done that for a while now and I haven't gotten to my goal yet.
What, if you can't get to your goal right now?
I'd have to accept that. And do something else. Maybe come back later to this topic, when I feel like it. Or I'll find some additional answers that give me more clarity.
I've done enough for now. I'm grateful I found these answers and that I have more clarity now. I'm grateful that I feel better. I'm grateful, that I can feel good. And that it's enough for me now to feel better.

[Layshii]

Felt stuck on this topic, so I practice here some more to clean up my mind ^^
There's a mixture of anger and helplessness. I feel powerless against this person. I don't want that. I don't want to feel like this. What would my true self feel like? It would feel good. It would feel powerful. Unbothered by that person's behavior. It would be okay with the situation I'm in. It would trust source, that there are solutions. I want to live independently from that person. But there are negative beliefs about me being confident and independent. What. if source knows ways to bring me to my wishes? What, if it is possible? It is possible, because it's easy for my true self. And I become my true self, through reaching for better feeling thoughts or just better feelings.

I don't feel good, when I have to meet this person now. That's because of my old negative beliefs. I know this person has their own beliefs and is in a low vibration. They feel attacked like me. They think what they do is right and me trying to follow my inner guidance and not behaving like they would, is wrong. I wish they would accept me. But I also wish, I wouldn't care about them being angry at me anymore. I wish I would believe in myself. I want to be my true self.
If I were my true self, I would believe in myself. I would believe that feeling good is my way to go that leads to solutions. It would be easy to make peace with unwanted. To be grateful that contrast made me shoot more rockets of desire and brought me more clarity. I'm grateful, that I am able to work on this topic and to clean up my vibration regarding it.

I take a deep breath. Let it all out. It's okay. I'm doing well. I've got this!
I wish I would believe in my inner guidance and my own path. And I wish I would walk this path confidently Unconditional love looks at me and tells me, it's fine. You've got this. I see you. I see the power that you have. I see how far you've become. I see you going further and further. More and more back into alignment with your Inner Being. Living more and more as your true self. You're on your way. I'm so proud of you, because you do it for yourself! You are strong! You are powerful! I love you! No matter what! I'll always love you and support you!

It's okay. I'm allowed to feel good. I'm allowed to believe, that source always has a solution and finds a way
to bring it to me. It brought me answers and solutions in the past. It will bring them also in the future. It's okay when I don't want to follow other people's suggestions. It's absolutely okay, when I want to work on cleaning up my resistance or on feeling better first. This is my life. I have my own inner guidance. If people are unhappy about this, I won't stop them, because I won't jump through hoops to please them. They have their own inner guidance. They have the choice to follow it or not. It's their way. I have my own. And that's absolutely fine.

On the topic of powerlessness:
My true self believes, that there's a solution. I can live interdependently. I can get a home, that I like to live in. Where I feel good and safe.
What, If I don't need to clean up these specific negative beliefs to get it? What, if source knows a place that is really like I want it to be? Or what, if these negative beliefs become a non-issue, because I continue practicing feeling good? Source knows all the ways. My true self trusts source and it trusts itself.

I still don't feel good enough to meet that person. Can I be okay with that person being angry at me? The belief, that I'm powerless, is an illusion. Also the belief, that I'll never get what I want. It's because of these thoughts, I'm in a low vibration. I can be in a high vibration despite all these circumstances and these thoughts. I can feel better.

I can choose different thoughts.
- Can I really? Why do I keep falling back to the negative ones?
Habit. The real question is, did I think of something that feels good instead?
- Yes, I did.
Congratulations! That's already awesome! Just keep going. It's okay. You're on your way. No need to be perfect. Whatever happens today, it's okay