Quotes on Controlling Others - Wanting to Influence Others

[spiritualcookie]

You can visualize on other people's behalf!

[When someone is negatively focused on something that doesn't serve them, and you want to help]
What doesn't work is to oppose them.
Because when you oppose them, it just brings forth in them that much more resistance, because that is Law of Attraction at work. (...)

You may pivot on behalf of your friend.
You may say,
I see his anger, therefore I know that this is important to him.
I also know that he is focused in opposition to what he really wants.

And then you do the "balance beam" thing where you step back to your inner point of view.
You step back, back, back, and you say,
"How is it that he wants to feel?
Well I think he wants to feel free,
and in this issue he is not feeling free, he is feeling confined."

And so, for a moment visualize him as free.

And then try to envision what you think he wants to have.
And as you draw an image toward what you think he wants to have, you are taking the non-physical energy of the Universe and upon his behalf you are focusing it toward what he wants.

If you re not splitting your Energy by opposing him...
In other words, if you are now feeling better, and you will be, [after doing this visualization]
now your momentum is all going in one direction,
and you are much more likely to sweep him up in that. (...)
It is a process of pivoting, you first, and then assisting the other.


- Abraham, A new beginning II, pg 257

[spiritualcookie]

Giving your focus to negative behaviour in others perpetuates it and makes it keep happening: Giving your focus to what you would LIKE to see in others perpetuates a new kind of behaviour

A young father called and said,
"My little son is wetting the bed.
He's too big for that, and I'm at my wits end."

We said, "When you come into his bedroom in the morning and you are aware that he has wet the bed, how do you feel?"

And the young father said, "I feel disappointed and then angry."

We said, "What do you say?"
And he said, "I say you are too big for this! We've talked about this before. Get out of your wet clothes and get in the bathtub."

And we said, "You are perpetuating bed wetting, for you are harmonizing with what he does not want."

Any time you are feeling negative emotion, you are perpetuating the very thing you do not want.

We said, "Pivoting is in order."
What is pivoting?
Pivoting is the way you change your focus fro what you don't want to what you do want. And you know you've pivoted because you feel better.

We said, "When you go in the bedroom in the morning and you see he has wet the bed again, and you feel that negative emotion which tells you what you don't want, stop and see if you can think about what you DO want. What do you want?"

And he said: "I want a little son that wakes up happy and dry and feeling proud of himself rather than embarrassed and ashamed.
I want a room that smells good, and a room that is fresh and a little son that is feeling better and not cranky."

We said, "Good, ponder that a little bit and then after you have gained that perspective, the words that will come out will be more like,
"Oh, this is part of growing up. We have all been through this, and you are growing up very fast. Now get out of those wet clothes and get in the bathtub."

This young father called 2 weeks alter and said the bed wetting had stopped.

Our point is that you perpetuate "bed wetting" in many of your friends as you see those things that you don't like in them, or that you know that they do not like in themselves, and you give your attention to that.

- AH

[spiritualcookie]

Question: What is our duty in sharing this enlightenment or this information with other people? (...)

Abraham: You have no responsibility to another.
Your real responsibility is to yourself.

-


What do you do when a friend is "dumping" their negativity on you and you want to influence them positively?

Abraham:
When your friend is dumping on you as you say, of what value is that to you?
But often, when that friend is in that place of negativity, when you are now feeling responsibility, and so out of your sense of duty, in trying to fix the lack, you try to help them.
They just resist it anyway.
And so, what we encourage is not trying to deal with it head on,

Here is what we do:
We pivot on their behalf.
In other words, whenever we see someone feeling negative emotion, we acknowledge that their Inner Being is saying to them,
"There is something you want, but that you are focused in opposition to."
And then we imagine what it IS they want.
And it usually boils down to one of three things, or a combination of the three:
Freedom and growth and joy.

They are usually feeling stifled, like they are not moving forward, and so it is out of that feeling of lack that they are offering their negative emotion.

And so we just stop and acknowledge that they ARE absolutely free.
That they are so free that their every thought and feeling attracts unto them.
And then we feel better for them.

We envision them getting what it is we know that they want.
We envision them moving through life experience and discovering what we have already come to discover.
But we do not see ourselves as responsible to help them discover.
We just see them as discovering it.
And then we try to be the best example that we can be for them to discover it.

Now if you are really wanting to roll up your sleeves and help them, you might help them see the correlation between what they are getting and what they've been thinking and feeling.
Or you may say,
"I have felt that way, but I noticed that the more I felt that way, the more I got it.
And so, I started concentrating on not giving so much attention to that,
and then I didn't attract so much of that."

[spiritualcookie]

It is through the clarity of your example
that you have the greatest offering,
for words don't teach.

- AH

[Paradise-on-Earth]

You want to be an Advocate to the wanted,
not a protester for unwanted.

Abraham Hicks

[spiritualcookie]

You have no creative power within the lives of others,
for they are offering their own vibrations, which equal THEIR own point of attraction,
just as you are offering your own vibrations which equal YOUR own point of attraction.

- AH

[Paradise-on-Earth]

To find a pleasing match,
you have to be pleased.

Abraham Hicks

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Monogamie, Freedom, Deepest Alignment and Sexual Variety

Alignment is not about another one, but solely about YOUR focus:
"The object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!"


HS:
I in my situation, I meet a variety of women which you spoke about, when you come into um... and I'm being honest, I can't... when you come into this experience, it's for the variety! And I've almost rationalized this in my head right now. That, maybe, a monogamous relationship or a marriage to one person, "forever" is an unreasonable expectation. Simply because every day I turn around, I see another beautiful woman, and I see a another beautiful woman, and I feel like "wow". I literally feel something sometimes... and so I'll stop, and just say "excuse me, you are gorgeous!" -and I don't mean anything. But I just want to leave, but I'm impressed by that.

And again, that's what I want to feel here! So I don't notice it as much there, so because I'm putting my attention to other places- like, out of habit in the past relationships... I mean I haven't been, you know, I guess, well, faithful. Simply because I rationalized in my head "well, hey I'm supposed to explore! And this is what I'm doing!" So now, I don't think it's a good thing. Because I feel like it's unfair to her, if I continue this way. And I want to... I want to commit! Be completely here, where... but then I feel like I'm limiting myself if I do that. If I stay. And there... so many other things to explore! Or people to explore.

Why would I stay, and just be happy forever? I'm supposed to stay forever. For 50, 60 more years! I guess you know, and not explore the rest of this? (Audience starts to laugh) I'm... I'm not sure if that was a question, like... I'm not sure if I can be happy here, and stay here forever. I can do that, but then I feel like, now if I decide to stay here and do that, I miss out on all this wonderful other things to explore!

Abe:
Well, you're expressing the sentiment of approximately 50% of your population, or or more! Well, let's sort this out.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that there is not a giant right and wrong in the sky, and that the rules that have been written about that, that have been interpreted through man, are always interpreted through the lens of what is seen to be most beneficial to the one, who is interpreting it. And so,

there really is not a right or wrong about whether you are monogamous or whether you have multiple relationships!

There just isn't.
And you are right about the variety, because the variety stimulates your awareness of what you want! And through all of it, you expand and become more. But we want to say, that it IS possible to- because you said as you began here today, something really significant: You said "I want to love this person." And while it sounded like what you were saying is: "I want to love this person. I want to be able to omit all of the others, and just give my undivided attention to this one person, and I want this one person to satisfy me. I want to just love this one person!" -did you notice how we took it to mean, what it really means? Which is: "I want to be in a continual state of love." In other words,

the object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!

And this speaks to what we've been talking about: The backwardness of all relationships, but especially these love relationships. Because what most people are saying is: "I want to feel this love. And you need to be everything that I need you to be: So that I can feel it.

And no one, no singular person has the capacity to be all of that, for any other person!

So then we say to you: You're wanting to take the responsibility for that alignment!
It's not an object of attention, that aligns you that you want you want alignment and when you show yourself that you can find that alignment, then everything in your experience is going to take on a different level of necessity.

Now we're not trying to talk you out of exploring all of the variety, and enjoying it. That's not the point of this conversation! The point of this conversation is to help you to realize, that what you're reaching for- this deep level of alignment- is possible.

And that, when you find it, then often these relationships that you enter into, these monogamous relationships can be so rich and delicious because you're standing in one place with one person so to speak, while the two of you are evolving together. So there's never-ending of the exploration! So, it doesn't get boring!

In other words, you keep discovering more depth and breadth in the relationship that you have.
Which isn't possible in the relationships as you're moving from place to place!

You already said, it doesn't last very long. Because it's not based upon what's coming from the inside! It's me, trying to affect the inside from the outside. So now, relative to the subject of what's right for any individual in terms of having one partner, or many- as we said, there's not a giant right or wrong in the sky about it. But here's what goes wrong:

So, most men are really seeking freedom. And we're teaching you, that the freedom that you're seeking is the freedom from the bondage of resistance that is always self-imposed. But most men are looking for Freedom, most women are looking for security. Security, that they'll only find when they come into alignment with who they are. But they're looking for it through a partner. So, she's looking for more security, which makes him feel less free. He's looking for more freedom, which makes her feel less secure. And so, that's the basis of most contention in most relationships!

So let's say that you meet someone, and you've already decided that you really like exploration on all subjects. You don't want to spend all your time with one person, in regard to anything! And you've shown yourself, that you can be tuned in, tapped in, turned on- and you're experiencing a lot of variety on a lot of fronts, and you're really happy. And you're offering a vibration about that, that is purely that vibration: It's who you are. It's what you want! And: it's what you offer, vibrationally. Well, if it's what you offer vibrationally- the law of attraction is going to reach out there, and find you someone who resonates with that perfectly!

And if you decide that you want a long-term relationship, it's a long-term relationship with someone who agrees with you, on this subject of variety. So, there's no contention! There's no feeling less than Who You Are! It takes a really tuned in tapped in turned on person, to be able to be in a relationship with somebody else... in other words, that kind of relationship that you're looking for would require two people who are not looking to each other for their reassurances! Who have found their reassurances through alignment with source.

And then, what you're doing in terms of your physical behavior and activity, is irrelevant.
Are you hearing that? The the more you're depending upon the other person to be what you need them to be, so that you can feel better- that is at the basis of trying to control the behavior of others! In other words, there's nothing in all of the world more uncomfortable, than to try to control the behavior of someone, who intends something differently than what you want them to intend!

So let's go back to this. So, if you are a person who has decided that you want variety, and you are true to that intention , not feeling guilty about it, not worrying about it, not feeling that you're doing something wrong- but really in vibrational alignment with it, the universe will bring you a partner who feels the same way. And you will live happily ever after, together.
But let's say that that's what you want, but it's not what you think you want. But you worry about it, and you want it, but you've had so many relationships with other people who didn't want you to have it, and so:

You want it- but. You want it, but. You want it, but. You want it, but! You want it, but... so, you're going to attract to yourself someone who is a vibrational match to the very thing that you worry about! and then you're going to have that sort of strain or struggle going on, within YOU!

Let's say, it's two people who have decided that they are happier in a committed relationship.
Let's say that they're aware of the pitfalls in a lot of sexual exploration. You've had enough variety that you're pretty much clear about what you want: You're no longer looking for other people to fulfill you. You found a way to find alignment with who you really are, and so, you are really in alignment with the idea of having an experience with someone, that is richer and deeper. It's what you want, and you're not feeling like you're missing out. You're not feeling that you're losing out- because you have brought yourself into alignment with that idea, so, that you're offering that pure intention well.

Then the law of attraction in the universe will deliver to you someone, who feels just like that, you see!

-No right or wrong in it. You really do want the universe to match you up with people, who are in alignment with your intentions! And what goes wrong in this relationship-thing is, that you've never really allowed yourself to think and believe and be, the way you think you want to be! You've got mixed energy all over the place about that subject, you see! And a way to bring that together is pretty much through meditation: quiet the mind and allow. Or, every time it comes up, come into alignment!

In other words, every time you see a beautiful woman, and you think: "oh, I would like to taste a little bit of that!" -and then, you feel the guilt wash over you- you feel the negativity of it. And you've gone right to the specifics! -Oh yeah. People die over this! People get shotguns over this. Uh, people get divorce over this! In other words, all the specifics begin to loom in you- go more General. (Then) you say: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! We aren't assigned a specific partner, in anything! The more we interact with others, the more broad and wonderful our experience is." And as you bring yourself into that better feeling, general place, again and again and again- so that your vibration is clear, and your vibration is pure, you see... The thing that you're grappling with here, you can hardly believe that you're visiting with Source energy.

...And, that Source energy is not only agreeing, but encouraging you to do something, that the majority of the population has been telling you for a very long time is a wrong thing!
But the majority of the population has been believing, that their happiness is dependent upon your behavior, in a lot of different ways, that have bound you!

We want you to give up your need to please others, relative to all things!
Because you will never have the happiness that you told us you want- the alignment and the love that you told us that you want, as long as you're resenting others, holding you in behavioral patterns that are not true to your desire.

That's huge!! That's huge, you see!


So the audience is all sitting here, most of them are completely traumatized, because they have resigned themselves to living within relationships, in order to please another. But we're not kidding you you're never going to be happy in a relationship that you feel, binds you, you see! And you are the only one who can unleash the binding. Because it's not about your behavior, and it's not about how many women you sleep with. It's not about any of that!

It's about what you do with your mind, that allows the fullness of who you are, to be present!

And it'll surprise you, how- when you come into complete alignment with who you are, how much less interaction you need with all those other people, that you were looking for, for that support to begin with!

In other words, when you tune in, to who you are, and you really allow source to flow through you, you're happy in a monogamous relationship. You're happy in any relationship setting, that you establish!
-Did we get there for you?

HS:
Yeah, yeah! Um, I think I got it. I'm going to have to listen to this a few times, over and over, uh...

Abe:
We were visiting with someone a few years ago, who had come to the decision that he was no longer happy with his current mate. And said in rather clear terms, that he was ready to move on, and wanted to know what we thought about it. And we said of course, "you can move on, and of course, there are a lot of other wonderful things for you to explore. But since we're aware of everyone that exists in the environment, and aware of what's in your Vortex, we said to this person: "If you move out of this relationship, looking for the things you want, you're less likely to find all of the things that life has shown you that you want, in any one place more, than this place! In other words, what we were saying:

-While you're dissatisfied when you move over >> there, you'll be dissatisfied because << these things will be missing.
-And when you move over << there, you'll be dissatisfied because >> these things are missing!

When you move over there, you'll be dissatisfied because these things are missing and there are a lot of beautiful faces around, that are missing so many of the other wonderful things that are really important to you: like really caring about the physical well-being of your daughter. In other words, your relationship is so much richer than you have yet allowed yourself to discover it. Because, you haven't been looking at it from the eyes of source!

Which is what you said that you wanted. So, we really would like the first question, that is so big, to be resolved within you, before you even move to the second one! Because once that first question is resolved, and you're in alignment with who you are, we think the second question will look entirely different to you.

HS:
All right, that makes sense so what what I gather right now is pretty much I can move and go into a different situation but if I'm looking for that one particular person, to hold everything to keep me in line, I'll never find it!

Abe:
Because that one particular person is YOU! And your relationship with your Inner Being!


from the youtube-clip "Abraham Finally Opens Up About Cheating And Multiple Partners! Abraham Hicks 2024"

-A sidenote about the name of this clip, that "Abe would finally open up" about the topic: It is not so, that Abe would have ever resisted to give this answer! There are much older workshops than this one, where they have already said the very same thing.