Quotes on Divorce

[spiritualcookie]

If you realize that the time you spent together
actually caused both of you to expand in a variety of ways,
you could both benefit dramatically from your relationship
even though your marriage has come to an end.

What we most want to help you understand is that while your marriage has come to an end, your relationship with this person has not, and it never will.

That is one of the most unsettling things that people discover following a divorce or separation from a former partner.

In the midst of feeling extreme negative emotion over some situation they are living, they think that the separation from this person will solve the majority of their problems.

But most people find little or no improvement in the way they feel about their ex-partner after their divorce.

In fact, most work so hard at justifying why the divorce was a good idea that they hold themselves in vibrational alignment with all those things about the relationship that they did not want.

So now, even though they are no longer living in the same space, the other's uncomfortable presence remains a daily occurrence, even when they do not actually see one another or interact face to face.

And because their vibration did not change, even though the physical details of their lives together did change, their next relationship is fraught wit the same uncomfortable issues as was the last.

Remember that this relationship, uncomfortable as it was, has caused you to evolve.
And your Inner Being stands, right now, as the vibrational expression of that expanded Being.

If you can find good-feeling thoughts and train yourself, through practice, into vibrational alignment with those thoughts, you can benefit from the experience.

But only in finding and maintaining better-feeling thoughts can you close that gap and actually be the expanded Being that your life has caused you to become.



- Abraham Hicks

[spiritualcookie]

On Reaching for Better-feeling thoughts about your ex

Better-feeling thoughts do not gush from you just because you have decided that you would like to find them,
because the Law of Attraction does not offer thoughts that are far from your active vibration.

And since you've been thinking unpleasant thoughts regarding this person for quite a long time, you are not going to suddenly shift into wonderful-feeling thoughts.
But that is not necessary.
All that is necessary is that you shift a little bit.

All that is really necessary in order to begin turning in the Stream and flowing toward an improved situation is that you discontinue pushing against it.

It really is a matter of just releasing as best you can, the uncomfortable thoughts.

Each time you do so, you will feel a bit of relief that will seem to translate into a small amount of downstream momentum, making it now more possible to find another thought of relief.

Your goal right now is to just stop paddling upstream.
Stop trying to defend yourself, or your position, or your decision for the divorce, or your rightness. Stop defending anything - and just float in your boat.

- AH

[spiritualcookie]

Downstream rampage for people who have divorced

[When you do the work to try and feel better about your relationship with your ex] it is not necessary that you continue in one sitting until you feel even more wonderful. Sometimes just letting go and discontinuing the upstream battle is enough. But if you feel like it and can continue just a little more, there is value in benefiting from additional momentum that you manage to achieve

I don't want to fight.
It's a good thing that we've divorced.
It was something that we both agreed upon.
I'm glad that we live close enough that our daughter can easily spend tiem with both of us.
Things are better now that we're not all living in the same house.

Sometimes, with only that much effort, you can break through into a much-better-feeling place. If that happens, take advantage of it and make even more positive downstream statements.

I understand that we'll always have a relationship.
I do want to make the best of our situation.
I don't want to deprive my daughter of her father.
I don't believe that he wants to deprive her of her mother.
I don't believe that I'm a big part of what they talk about.
We've both moved on with our lives.
I want my daughter to feel good about her parents.
I want my daughter to feel good about me.
I even want my daughter to feel good about her father.
There's no reason for us to continue the battle.
I really feel no interest in fighting.

(...)

We are deliberately avoiding the most uncomfortable issues in the beginning of the process for in doing so, it is more likely for you to find relief through your improved thought.

If you are aware of the way you feel and you consistently reach for thoughts that produce the improved emotion of relief, in time, even these intense negative emotions will have subsided - not because your ex-husband has changed, but because you have come into alignment with who you have become as a result of this relationship.

When you understand the value of closing your vibrational gap and of allowing yourself to be the expanded Being that your life has caused you to become, you can actually reach a place of adoration of that scoundrel ex who seemingly caused you so much grief. But all of that in good time.

- Abraham Hicks

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Those rascals that look like they've got you pinned to the ground,
who seem to be keeping you from things that you want-
are actually ANGELS IN DISGUISE who are causing you
to have greater CLARITY about what you want.

But holding them as the culprits in your judgement
keeps you away from the stuff you deserve.

Abraham Hicks

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Uncheatable Uponable


HS:
I was feeling that way for the last nine months really up until the date the night before I came on this cruise which I was feeling awesome about and then I found out that he's been cheating on me for a really long time.

Abe:
We agree that you all have different levels of how much you're willing to put up with. And whether he's just annoying, or whether he is violating some commitment that the two of you have established- in other words, we get it that there are narrower and wider gaps! But we want to be so bold as to say that,

whoever you are interacting with, is going to violate the commitment
that almost all of you want them to keep!
And the commitment that almost everybody wants everybody
that they're up close to impersonal to keep is,
"I want you to promise to put me first- no matter what."

And that is a commitment that no one keeps!

Because you're not wired like that!
You were not born like that!
You you've come to establish... We would like your marriage vows, or your relationship vows, to go like this:

"Dear one, I want you to know that- as much as I love you, there's someone who comes first before you.
And that is my alignment with the source, within me!
That's my inner being, that's who I'm devoted to.
That's why I'm aligned to.
That's who I'm feeling for.
That's what my commitment is to.

And my promise to you is, that I will give you, as much as I can, the fullness of me!
Not as the separated me.
I'm going to do my best to satisfy my alignment, and therefore give you the gift of living with someone, who has aligned.
And what that will be for you, what that will mean for you, how that will play out for you, is:

I won't be needing or demanding from you behavior, in order to keep myself happy!
My happiness will be dependent upon my focus."

There are people who feel betrayed, if their partners think about other people.
There are people who feel betrayed if their partner doesn't give their undivided attention to them.
There are people who feel jealous if anyone feels happy at the thought, or in the conversation with somebody else!

There are all kinds of degrees of cheating on you, and for the most part, any part of someone else cheating on you just means: "You've taken your attention away from me! And I was dependent upon your attention, being upon me, so that I could feel good! And now you've taken your attention away from me...!" (Towards the HS) This is too strong for you.

But, we really want you all to not be dependent upon anyone for the alignment.
That it is the epitome of looking for love in all the wrong places!

And when you say you've cheated on me, we know. We know there are agreements that you make! We get what you're talking about.

But we would like you to be uncheatable-upon-able!
"I'm stable in my self-respect! My sense of well-being is not dependent upon your behavior."

So what you're really wanting to do, is decide what you want, and become a vibrational match to what you want. And you will attract a partner who is a vibrational match to what you want, you see! And so we're not suggesting that you will not find another partner!

We're just suggesting that you find true alignment with who you are before you go looking!

from the official Abraham Hicks youtube-clip "Uncheatable Uponable", 2014

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Monogamie, Freedom, Deepest Alignment and Sexual Variety

Alignment is not about another one, but solely about YOUR focus:
"The object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!"


HS:
I in my situation, I meet a variety of women which you spoke about, when you come into um... and I'm being honest, I can't... when you come into this experience, it's for the variety! And I've almost rationalized this in my head right now. That, maybe, a monogamous relationship or a marriage to one person, "forever" is an unreasonable expectation. Simply because every day I turn around, I see another beautiful woman, and I see a another beautiful woman, and I feel like "wow". I literally feel something sometimes... and so I'll stop, and just say "excuse me, you are gorgeous!" -and I don't mean anything. But I just want to leave, but I'm impressed by that.

And again, that's what I want to feel here! So I don't notice it as much there, so because I'm putting my attention to other places- like, out of habit in the past relationships... I mean I haven't been, you know, I guess, well, faithful. Simply because I rationalized in my head "well, hey I'm supposed to explore! And this is what I'm doing!" So now, I don't think it's a good thing. Because I feel like it's unfair to her, if I continue this way. And I want to... I want to commit! Be completely here, where... but then I feel like I'm limiting myself if I do that. If I stay. And there... so many other things to explore! Or people to explore.

Why would I stay, and just be happy forever? I'm supposed to stay forever. For 50, 60 more years! I guess you know, and not explore the rest of this? (Audience starts to laugh) I'm... I'm not sure if that was a question, like... I'm not sure if I can be happy here, and stay here forever. I can do that, but then I feel like, now if I decide to stay here and do that, I miss out on all this wonderful other things to explore!

Abe:
Well, you're expressing the sentiment of approximately 50% of your population, or or more! Well, let's sort this out.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that there is not a giant right and wrong in the sky, and that the rules that have been written about that, that have been interpreted through man, are always interpreted through the lens of what is seen to be most beneficial to the one, who is interpreting it. And so,

there really is not a right or wrong about whether you are monogamous or whether you have multiple relationships!

There just isn't.
And you are right about the variety, because the variety stimulates your awareness of what you want! And through all of it, you expand and become more. But we want to say, that it IS possible to- because you said as you began here today, something really significant: You said "I want to love this person." And while it sounded like what you were saying is: "I want to love this person. I want to be able to omit all of the others, and just give my undivided attention to this one person, and I want this one person to satisfy me. I want to just love this one person!" -did you notice how we took it to mean, what it really means? Which is: "I want to be in a continual state of love." In other words,

the object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!

And this speaks to what we've been talking about: The backwardness of all relationships, but especially these love relationships. Because what most people are saying is: "I want to feel this love. And you need to be everything that I need you to be: So that I can feel it.

And no one, no singular person has the capacity to be all of that, for any other person!

So then we say to you: You're wanting to take the responsibility for that alignment!
It's not an object of attention, that aligns you that you want you want alignment and when you show yourself that you can find that alignment, then everything in your experience is going to take on a different level of necessity.

Now we're not trying to talk you out of exploring all of the variety, and enjoying it. That's not the point of this conversation! The point of this conversation is to help you to realize, that what you're reaching for- this deep level of alignment- is possible.

And that, when you find it, then often these relationships that you enter into, these monogamous relationships can be so rich and delicious because you're standing in one place with one person so to speak, while the two of you are evolving together. So there's never-ending of the exploration! So, it doesn't get boring!

In other words, you keep discovering more depth and breadth in the relationship that you have.
Which isn't possible in the relationships as you're moving from place to place!

You already said, it doesn't last very long. Because it's not based upon what's coming from the inside! It's me, trying to affect the inside from the outside. So now, relative to the subject of what's right for any individual in terms of having one partner, or many- as we said, there's not a giant right or wrong in the sky about it. But here's what goes wrong:

So, most men are really seeking freedom. And we're teaching you, that the freedom that you're seeking is the freedom from the bondage of resistance that is always self-imposed. But most men are looking for Freedom, most women are looking for security. Security, that they'll only find when they come into alignment with who they are. But they're looking for it through a partner. So, she's looking for more security, which makes him feel less free. He's looking for more freedom, which makes her feel less secure. And so, that's the basis of most contention in most relationships!

So let's say that you meet someone, and you've already decided that you really like exploration on all subjects. You don't want to spend all your time with one person, in regard to anything! And you've shown yourself, that you can be tuned in, tapped in, turned on- and you're experiencing a lot of variety on a lot of fronts, and you're really happy. And you're offering a vibration about that, that is purely that vibration: It's who you are. It's what you want! And: it's what you offer, vibrationally. Well, if it's what you offer vibrationally- the law of attraction is going to reach out there, and find you someone who resonates with that perfectly!

And if you decide that you want a long-term relationship, it's a long-term relationship with someone who agrees with you, on this subject of variety. So, there's no contention! There's no feeling less than Who You Are! It takes a really tuned in tapped in turned on person, to be able to be in a relationship with somebody else... in other words, that kind of relationship that you're looking for would require two people who are not looking to each other for their reassurances! Who have found their reassurances through alignment with source.

And then, what you're doing in terms of your physical behavior and activity, is irrelevant.
Are you hearing that? The the more you're depending upon the other person to be what you need them to be, so that you can feel better- that is at the basis of trying to control the behavior of others! In other words, there's nothing in all of the world more uncomfortable, than to try to control the behavior of someone, who intends something differently than what you want them to intend!

So let's go back to this. So, if you are a person who has decided that you want variety, and you are true to that intention , not feeling guilty about it, not worrying about it, not feeling that you're doing something wrong- but really in vibrational alignment with it, the universe will bring you a partner who feels the same way. And you will live happily ever after, together.
But let's say that that's what you want, but it's not what you think you want. But you worry about it, and you want it, but you've had so many relationships with other people who didn't want you to have it, and so:

You want it- but. You want it, but. You want it, but. You want it, but! You want it, but... so, you're going to attract to yourself someone who is a vibrational match to the very thing that you worry about! and then you're going to have that sort of strain or struggle going on, within YOU!

Let's say, it's two people who have decided that they are happier in a committed relationship.
Let's say that they're aware of the pitfalls in a lot of sexual exploration. You've had enough variety that you're pretty much clear about what you want: You're no longer looking for other people to fulfill you. You found a way to find alignment with who you really are, and so, you are really in alignment with the idea of having an experience with someone, that is richer and deeper. It's what you want, and you're not feeling like you're missing out. You're not feeling that you're losing out- because you have brought yourself into alignment with that idea, so, that you're offering that pure intention well.

Then the law of attraction in the universe will deliver to you someone, who feels just like that, you see!

-No right or wrong in it. You really do want the universe to match you up with people, who are in alignment with your intentions! And what goes wrong in this relationship-thing is, that you've never really allowed yourself to think and believe and be, the way you think you want to be! You've got mixed energy all over the place about that subject, you see! And a way to bring that together is pretty much through meditation: quiet the mind and allow. Or, every time it comes up, come into alignment!

In other words, every time you see a beautiful woman, and you think: "oh, I would like to taste a little bit of that!" -and then, you feel the guilt wash over you- you feel the negativity of it. And you've gone right to the specifics! -Oh yeah. People die over this! People get shotguns over this. Uh, people get divorce over this! In other words, all the specifics begin to loom in you- go more General. (Then) you say: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! We aren't assigned a specific partner, in anything! The more we interact with others, the more broad and wonderful our experience is." And as you bring yourself into that better feeling, general place, again and again and again- so that your vibration is clear, and your vibration is pure, you see... The thing that you're grappling with here, you can hardly believe that you're visiting with Source energy.

...And, that Source energy is not only agreeing, but encouraging you to do something, that the majority of the population has been telling you for a very long time is a wrong thing!
But the majority of the population has been believing, that their happiness is dependent upon your behavior, in a lot of different ways, that have bound you!

We want you to give up your need to please others, relative to all things!
Because you will never have the happiness that you told us you want- the alignment and the love that you told us that you want, as long as you're resenting others, holding you in behavioral patterns that are not true to your desire.

That's huge!! That's huge, you see!


So the audience is all sitting here, most of them are completely traumatized, because they have resigned themselves to living within relationships, in order to please another. But we're not kidding you you're never going to be happy in a relationship that you feel, binds you, you see! And you are the only one who can unleash the binding. Because it's not about your behavior, and it's not about how many women you sleep with. It's not about any of that!

It's about what you do with your mind, that allows the fullness of who you are, to be present!

And it'll surprise you, how- when you come into complete alignment with who you are, how much less interaction you need with all those other people, that you were looking for, for that support to begin with!

In other words, when you tune in, to who you are, and you really allow source to flow through you, you're happy in a monogamous relationship. You're happy in any relationship setting, that you establish!
-Did we get there for you?

HS:
Yeah, yeah! Um, I think I got it. I'm going to have to listen to this a few times, over and over, uh...

Abe:
We were visiting with someone a few years ago, who had come to the decision that he was no longer happy with his current mate. And said in rather clear terms, that he was ready to move on, and wanted to know what we thought about it. And we said of course, "you can move on, and of course, there are a lot of other wonderful things for you to explore. But since we're aware of everyone that exists in the environment, and aware of what's in your Vortex, we said to this person: "If you move out of this relationship, looking for the things you want, you're less likely to find all of the things that life has shown you that you want, in any one place more, than this place! In other words, what we were saying:

-While you're dissatisfied when you move over >> there, you'll be dissatisfied because << these things will be missing.
-And when you move over << there, you'll be dissatisfied because >> these things are missing!

When you move over there, you'll be dissatisfied because these things are missing and there are a lot of beautiful faces around, that are missing so many of the other wonderful things that are really important to you: like really caring about the physical well-being of your daughter. In other words, your relationship is so much richer than you have yet allowed yourself to discover it. Because, you haven't been looking at it from the eyes of source!

Which is what you said that you wanted. So, we really would like the first question, that is so big, to be resolved within you, before you even move to the second one! Because once that first question is resolved, and you're in alignment with who you are, we think the second question will look entirely different to you.

HS:
All right, that makes sense so what what I gather right now is pretty much I can move and go into a different situation but if I'm looking for that one particular person, to hold everything to keep me in line, I'll never find it!

Abe:
Because that one particular person is YOU! And your relationship with your Inner Being!


from the youtube-clip "Abraham Finally Opens Up About Cheating And Multiple Partners! Abraham Hicks 2024"

-A sidenote about the name of this clip, that "Abe would finally open up" about the topic: It is not so, that Abe would have ever resisted to give this answer! There are much older workshops than this one, where they have already said the very same thing.