I've since been doing as well as I can with this advice, and have started to receive some answers, primarily to that question, "What's holding me back?" Firstly, I was only giving my progress weeks to have something to show for it, whereas, he says it should be closer to months. This allowed me to back off and just start enjoying life more.
More than that though, I've been recognizing my thoughts more. As a result, I've begun noticing minor discrepancies in my thoughts between uplifting and downer thoughts. This has helped me to be more aware of what exactly I'm thinking, and whether or not I want to continue putting focus there. In doing so, I've also found that my thoughts are going much more rampantly than I ever realized. (Who knew? I wasn't as enlightened as I thought?
) On top of that, many of them were (are still, but less now) thoughts of catastrophizing, or expecting negative outcomes, often from situations that I just make up in my head. Obviously that's not helpful, but having become much more aware that they're there, I'm able to focus either on something positive, or to just let the thought go and clear my head.That last bit I'm working on much more. Prior to posting the other thread, I had managed to clear my head much more frequently for a couple of weeks, and had begun receiving visions manifesting in my mind. Note that they weren't things that I wanted that I was conjuring up in my head, but actual scenes I've yet to live being downloaded into my head (the best way I can describe it). One of the most vivid ones was finally getting to visit a friend of a friend's ecolodge that he built in Costa Rica (with that other friend there). I was enjoying his company while watching my 4 year old daughter laugh and play with a partner I have yet to meet (note that I'm divorced) across a screened-in outdoor patio there. It brought tears to my eyes, but shortly after was when I checked my bank account and posted that thread about losing patience, halting all the momentum.
Anyway, back to the point, I'm feeling much more at peace. I'm looking at the mountains I'm surrounded by every day (even multiple times a day) and feeling extraordinary appreciation for living here. Any time I'm doing something I love (photography, hiking, etc), I remind myself how lucky I am to be able to live somewhere I love and do things I love so frequently, with so much incredible wildlife around every turn. I've stopped comparing myself to a colleague who's much better off than me, which has released a lot of pressure I was putting on myself. I'm (much) calmer in traffic. I take meditation more seriously, and I start each morning with a more focused meditation now, instead of just breathing in a few breaths and thinking, "That's good enough." I feel more connected to and present with my daughter. I'm going about the action work that I need to do until my dream job takes over, but not putting a timeline on it - just enjoying it for what it is and appreciative that the opportunity's there. I'm not pushing any end result, other than just appreciating and enjoying each day. Whether or not my financial situation changes, especially urgently, isn't my concern anymore.
Being able to catch my thoughts quicker by being more aware of them, I'm able to put my focus where I want, which, as I've come to realize more recently, isn't toward positive goals or end results, but rather, just an appreciation and satisfaction with where I am, while at the same time just BEING in the moment instead of trying to make a different moment from that moment. One of Abraham's quotes that's always stuck with me is that there are times conjuring up what you want, even if it feels good, can still offer resistance. Now I finally understand that! If I find myself in a good place, I was always quick to start putting emphasis and focus on goals and things that I wanted, essentially changing the subject from something really great, to just, good, often because then I'd get caught up in the How. But I've found that to really maximize a moment for what it is, just be in it. Just enjoy it. Just be there and don't try to change the subject, even if it's something that seems positive, because that breaks the momentum of that moment.
Hope that helps someone out. Just wanted to share
Sorry for the confusion!
just curious…
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