I love to be satisfied. And I love to be eager for more!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

"Nothing matters more to me, than that I feel good."
(Abe)

...I Imagine my life as I want it to be!

Day 9

I decided to ENJOY my time, no matter if my "big stuff" is there or not, yet!
I want to celebrate ME, today!
Totally selfish. Totally egoistically ME, ME, ME!!!

Yesterday, we had the very first snow in my area. This is always such a nice moment! I insisted to scrap enough up to form a snowball, that I could post as "status" on whatsapp to all my family and friends... SELFISHLY! Not a picture of beautiful snow, but of ME (me,me, me!!) with a snowball! And so I did. It felt so eager! It felt happy. It felt confident. It felt as being SEEN! And I liked it!!!



And today, I was at the hairdresser, first time since 6 months. And I wanted to have red hair again! Look, here is ME! I, myself and me!!! But I had forgotten that I would sit 3 hours in front of a huge mirror where I would see EVERY wrinkle, and EVERY extra pound... and my hairdresse asked me finally, why I would sit so stiff. If I didn't want to relax? ...I love her very much, and the two of us are always talk philosophy, and I build her up every time to be more confident... and so, I told her how sad I felt that my body doesn't look like I would love it to look. And there, she brought me a black cloak and hood (my color needed to settle, so I could wear it)... so that I could hide under them and get back into balance, in my own time.

I felt SO thankful for this gentle help! For NOT motivating me, but SOOTHING me, and TRUSTING that I would get into balance eventually-just, being nice to myself, not pushing me, not kicking me... LOVING myself unconditionally and giving me what I yearned for RIGHT NOW.



And it worked! My F* it habit came back, and my mood swung back into being NICE to myself.
And I got my bold red color, and I love it. First thing that I did when I was ready was, I went behind the house of my Friseur (she lives on an isolated farm, all around are just ponds and meadows, and storm- today...) and held my head into the wind, that blew all the cute neat artistic curls, that are SO not me, into the wild mane that IS me. I felt sooo happy in this!!



And then, I got so inspired by the bold red color, that I (first time since months) looked for nice lothes in awesome colors in my wardrobe... and enjoyed to put on make-up. Ohh, it is NICE to care for myself!! I have so much fun to relax into the pain and embrace it, in trying and playing and posing and ENJOYING!!! Thank you, life!!



It is ALL good. I have my preferences, and that is ok!
I have my desires, and I am not there yet, and that is ok!
I can embrace myself NO MATTER WHAT and love me, and that is ok!
I can embrace myself and birth rockets of desire, and it is perfectly ok!
I can embrace myself and think, wow, I look beautiful! And that is ok, as well. It is ALL wonderful ok!!

[FloatingBoat]

"Nothing matters more to me, than that I feel good."
(Abe)

...I Imagine my life as I want it to be!

Day 9

I decided to ENJOY my time, no matter if my "big stuff" is there or not, yet!
I want to celebrate ME, today!
Totally selfish. Totally egoistically ME, ME, ME!!!

Yesterday, we had the very first snow in my area. This is always such a nice moment! I insisted to scrap enough up to form a snowball, that I could post as "status" on whatsapp to all my family and friends... SELFISHLY! Not a picture of beautiful snow, but of ME (me,me, me!!) with a snowball! And so I did. It felt so eager! It felt happy. It felt confident. It felt as being SEEN! And I liked it!!!



And today, I was at the hairdresser, first time since 6 months. And I wanted to have red hair again! Look, here is ME! I, myself and me!!! But I had forgotten that I would sit 3 hours in front of a huge mirror where I would see EVERY wrinkle, and EVERY extra pound... and my hairdresse asked me finally, why I would sit so stiff. If I didn't want to relax? ...I love her very much, and the two of us are always talk philosophy, and I build her up every time to be more confident... and so, I told her how sad I felt that my body doesn't look like I would love it to look. And there, she brought me a black cloak and hood (my color needed to settle, so I could wear it)... so that I could hide under them and get back into balance, in my own time.

I felt SO thankful for this gentle help! For NOT motivating me, but SOOTHING me, and TRUSTING that I would get into balance eventually-just, being nice to myself, not pushing me, not kicking me... LOVING myself unconditionally and giving me what I yearned for RIGHT NOW.



And it worked! My F* it habit came back, and my mood swung back into being NICE to myself.
And I got my bold red color, and I love it. First thing that I did when I was ready was, I went behind the house of my Friseur (she lives on an isolated farm, all around are just ponds and meadows, and storm- today...) and held my head into the wind, that blew all the cute neat artistic curls, that are SO not me, into the wild mane that IS me. I felt sooo happy in this!!



And then, I got so inspired by the bold red color, that I (first time since months) looked for nice lothes in awesome colors in my wardrobe... and enjoyed to put on make-up. Ohh, it is NICE to care for myself!! I have so much fun to relax into the pain and embrace it, in trying and playing and posing and ENJOYING!!! Thank you, life!!



It is ALL good. I have my preferences, and that is ok!
I have my desires, and I am not there yet, and that is ok!
I can embrace myself NO MATTER WHAT and love me, and that is ok!
I can embrace myself and birth rockets of desire, and it is perfectly ok!
I can embrace myself and think, wow, I look beautiful! And that is ok, as well. It is ALL wonderful ok!!

Poe, you are so beautiful, and your new red hair suits you so well. I love how your eyes shine and how you become aware of your beauty. You can manifest anything you desire for your body.: I think it's great that you share this with us. Your pictures are truly breathtaking. You are simply amazing.

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Poe, you are so beautiful, and your new red hair suits you so well. I love how your eyes shine and how you become aware of your beauty. You can manifest anything you desire for your body.: I think it's great that you share this with us. Your pictures are truly breathtaking. You are simply amazing.

Oh wow!!
I am very, very touched. Dankeschön von ganzem Herzen!!

[FloatingBoat]

Poe, you are so beautiful, and your new red hair suits you so well. I love how your eyes shine and how you become aware of your beauty. You can manifest anything you desire for your body.: I think it's great that you share this with us. Your pictures are truly breathtaking. You are simply amazing.

Oh wow!!
I am very, very touched. Dankeschön von ganzem Herzen!!

I can relate to this topic and your insights about self-love and beauty resonate with me and inspire me. Danke dafür, es berührt mich sehr und macht mich richtig glücklich

[Tara]

POE --> Thank you for sharing your day and inner journey, this is so meaningful to me...

and so funny! because I try to avoid focusing too much on this subject (as we disagree with my IB on some aspects )... and yesterday when I went on FB, and saw pics of all my beautiful friends (because I can see beauty in others so easily, I really emphasize others beauty in my mind very powerfully!:)) so I got trapped in comparison and victim mentality... and that contrast again about not being so happy with certain aspects within me... I just went to sleep, did not soothe myself (maybe a bit of the opposite - dramatized )). So funny that you experienced a similar contrast in your way, and wisely soothed yourself into good feeling place.

I colour my hair blond, but there was a few years I used to colour red, and once in a while I long for that colour... but since I have so many grey hair... blond seems more easier to look after, but thank you for sharing your transformation and reminding me of that nice red colour feeling It feels very sensual and alive and playful

I also think red suits you so well, you look Beautiful <3

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Poe, you are so beautiful, and your new red hair suits you so well. I love how your eyes shine and how you become aware of your beauty. You can manifest anything you desire for your body.: I think it's great that you share this with us. Your pictures are truly breathtaking. You are simply amazing.

Oh wow!!
I am very, very touched. Dankeschön von ganzem Herzen!!

I can relate to this topic and your insights about self-love and beauty resonate with me and inspire me. Danke dafür, es berührt mich sehr und macht mich richtig glücklich

Das ist wunderbar! Thank you for sharing!!! So good, win win!!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

POE --> Thank you for sharing your day and inner journey, this is so meaningful to me...

and so funny! because I try to avoid focusing too much on this subject (as we disagree with my IB on some aspects )

Ohhh, I hear you!! Disagreements with the IB are the worst

... and yesterday when I went on FB, and saw pics of all my beautiful friends (because I can see beauty in others so easily, I really emphasize others beauty in my mind very powerfully!:)) so I got trapped in comparison and victim mentality... and that contrast again about not being so happy with certain aspects within me... I just went to sleep, did not soothe myself (maybe a bit of the opposite - dramatized )). So funny that you experienced a similar contrast in your way, and wisely soothed yourself into good feeling place.

Arent we ALL- in SOME way, in this together!? I love that my drama served you!! And, as I said to FloatingBoat, what a win-win situation. It was such relief to me to write it all down AND to post the "ugly" picture about me, under the cloak
(I'm certain you somewhen heard me say that I had severe photo-phobia. And I learned somewhen that it ALWAYS helps me to air pictures of me in the stances where I feel ugly. Or, to be true, ALL pictures of me. I REFUSE to go under a cloak and hesitate for longer than 10 minutes today, and this is SO helpful (and I think, it is loving). Imagine you would have a child that maybe looks somewhat strange- wouldn't it be cruel to hide it!?

I colour my hair blond, but there was a few years I used to colour red, and once in a while I long for that colour... but since I have so many grey hair... blond seems more easier to look after, but thank you for sharing your transformation and reminding me of that nice red colour feeling It feels very sensual and alive and playful

It does, right? In the moment I SO enjoy it. I celebrate the freedom that I gave me, to be "not natural" but enjoy the pure freedom of putting on lipstick, and color my hair!! (Somewhen I heard the argument that washing us and cutting our nails would also not be "natural". But we all might be served better, in doing it! )

I also think red suits you so well, you look Beautiful <3

Thank you so much!! SO appreciated!!

By the way, as you say you have so much gray hair- I soooo LOVE the grey hair of my husband. Gray hair is amazing! I'm almost sad that my hair isn't really gray yet