thanks Tara! - yes 'victim like and and self critical' is familiar for me. I'm very pleased that the improvements I've been having all feel gradual and stable, so there isn't that 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' feeling anymoreTara wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2024 12:08 pmThis is very big and long lasting…abrahammer117 wrote: ↑Wed Nov 13, 2024 9:53 am Something really lovely is settling in, probably talked about it before, I'm getting mad at myself much much much much less.
I’ve been there (not mad, but more victim like and self critical)… took time and it got less and less and now I could say it is more rare state of being, and after sleep it more easily fades away…
Thank you for sharing your journey.. the inner habitual changes is what really makes a difference in in daily life
My Diary
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Day1: Morning review. Did I have a good feeling morning?
Day 1: Morning guidelines. 2 x 15min mediations. No internet, other than writing here until I get to work.
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
So! Overall average mood still creeping up! I made a change in my business a week ago that meant I feel much better about money coming in. Before this there was always this in my vibe ' if much more came in, it would actually create these accounting issues '. I've made some changes in my setup to remove this issue and now it's easy to have good feeling day dreams about more money coming in. It's only been a week and it certainly feels like more money is rolling in. Something else my vibe is free of - that more money coming in means more work to do which I don't really want. That's just not in my vibe anymore and the money that comes in seems to require less work than it used to.
So - morning review. I love that I have a morning to myself every day until work at 10.30. Something that helps is anticipating writing here at the end of my morning, taking a look at how it went with the intention of feeling good by the end of it. I've got a personal trainer at my local gym for the first time in my life (dream come true!) and had my first training session on my own following the instructions and it felt really great. I'm doing to couch to 5k too so most of my mornings with either have gym or running now I think - which feels great. Doing the exercise as early as possible seems best as everything feels better after that.
I went to the coffee shop straight after exercise and read Money and the Law of Attraction for a bit. I can tell that my mind is quite fast right now though as reading was tricky - I'd love to gradually move in the direction again of enjoying quiet mind more. 2 x 15 min sound meditations each morning is great for this and very do-able.
As soon as I think of a morning that's a good feeling start to the day - staying off the internet jumps right to mind ( apart from here of course )
If I get up at 6.30 that's a good 4 hours break from things like that. One way to look at it is dopamine fasting. From an Ab Hicks point of view - and from my experience - playing about on the internet postpones redirecting my thoughts to what I ACTUALLY want in this segment of time and build momentum in a different direction.
Day 1: Morning guidelines. 2 x 15min mediations. No internet, other than writing here until I get to work.
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
So! Overall average mood still creeping up! I made a change in my business a week ago that meant I feel much better about money coming in. Before this there was always this in my vibe ' if much more came in, it would actually create these accounting issues '. I've made some changes in my setup to remove this issue and now it's easy to have good feeling day dreams about more money coming in. It's only been a week and it certainly feels like more money is rolling in. Something else my vibe is free of - that more money coming in means more work to do which I don't really want. That's just not in my vibe anymore and the money that comes in seems to require less work than it used to.
So - morning review. I love that I have a morning to myself every day until work at 10.30. Something that helps is anticipating writing here at the end of my morning, taking a look at how it went with the intention of feeling good by the end of it. I've got a personal trainer at my local gym for the first time in my life (dream come true!) and had my first training session on my own following the instructions and it felt really great. I'm doing to couch to 5k too so most of my mornings with either have gym or running now I think - which feels great. Doing the exercise as early as possible seems best as everything feels better after that.
I went to the coffee shop straight after exercise and read Money and the Law of Attraction for a bit. I can tell that my mind is quite fast right now though as reading was tricky - I'd love to gradually move in the direction again of enjoying quiet mind more. 2 x 15 min sound meditations each morning is great for this and very do-able.
As soon as I think of a morning that's a good feeling start to the day - staying off the internet jumps right to mind ( apart from here of course )
If I get up at 6.30 that's a good 4 hours break from things like that. One way to look at it is dopamine fasting. From an Ab Hicks point of view - and from my experience - playing about on the internet postpones redirecting my thoughts to what I ACTUALLY want in this segment of time and build momentum in a different direction.
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Day 3 : Morning review. Did I have a good feeling morning?
Day 3: Morning guidelines. 2 x 15min mediations. No internet, other than writing here until I get to work.
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
So! I had my second ever personal training session at the gym today. I've wanted to do be a competent gym goer for 20 years and it's finally happened - because I've allowed it from my better feeling place. It's been an intense 20 years and never had a stretch of time feeling easy long enough for this to happen, so it feels really significant. It also costs £160 a month (which is a bargain for the benefits) and it feels like allowing abundance to spend this. Ooooh fun fact on this - I was doing Wim Hof Breathing and at the end I sometimes have a little episode of euphoria, and it was during this that I got the strong exciting impulse to just go ahead and email this trainer.
As all year - still up and down, but every time the down releases I feel like it's the happiest I've been for 2 years maybe.
Day 3: Morning guidelines. 2 x 15min mediations. No internet, other than writing here until I get to work.
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
So! I had my second ever personal training session at the gym today. I've wanted to do be a competent gym goer for 20 years and it's finally happened - because I've allowed it from my better feeling place. It's been an intense 20 years and never had a stretch of time feeling easy long enough for this to happen, so it feels really significant. It also costs £160 a month (which is a bargain for the benefits) and it feels like allowing abundance to spend this. Ooooh fun fact on this - I was doing Wim Hof Breathing and at the end I sometimes have a little episode of euphoria, and it was during this that I got the strong exciting impulse to just go ahead and email this trainer.
As all year - still up and down, but every time the down releases I feel like it's the happiest I've been for 2 years maybe.
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
Day 2: First thing every morning, Victoria Station for a coffee
A funny thing has emerged that when I look at it - is more evidence of how the answers to my desires , however small, are always trying to flow in. When I first went full time self employed and suddenly had all these mornings free, one of the first things that came to me that felt wonderful to do was to walk to Victoria Station in Manchester (about 10mins walk away) and sit and have a coffee. I found that 45mins was a great amount of time, by the end of which I'd reliably feel some relief. It's an amazing environment, essentially under a big glass dome with fresh air but no wind and lots of life walking by. About 6 months or more ago they removed the seated area where I was sitting leaving only the tiny area infront of Costa - which I felt would be too close to other people
When in a good place last week I got such a strong inspiration to just try sitting there and it's absolutely fine. Also Things fell into place last week where my girlfriend got me an amazing coat which means I feel very comfortable while I'm there.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
Day 2: First thing every morning, Victoria Station for a coffee
A funny thing has emerged that when I look at it - is more evidence of how the answers to my desires , however small, are always trying to flow in. When I first went full time self employed and suddenly had all these mornings free, one of the first things that came to me that felt wonderful to do was to walk to Victoria Station in Manchester (about 10mins walk away) and sit and have a coffee. I found that 45mins was a great amount of time, by the end of which I'd reliably feel some relief. It's an amazing environment, essentially under a big glass dome with fresh air but no wind and lots of life walking by. About 6 months or more ago they removed the seated area where I was sitting leaving only the tiny area infront of Costa - which I felt would be too close to other people
When in a good place last week I got such a strong inspiration to just try sitting there and it's absolutely fine. Also Things fell into place last week where my girlfriend got me an amazing coat which means I feel very comfortable while I'm there.-
abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Reminder: If I feel well, only things that match that feeling of wellness can come to me.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
Reminder: My story is this - I meditate for 15 mins on a regular basis. I reliably feel some relief when I do so which means I am always in the process of closing the gap between my active beliefs and my inner being. As such I am always in the process of allowing more and more well-being to flow in.
Reminder: are my thoughts about meditation feeling good?
Day 4: First thing every morning, Victoria Station for a coffee
Focusing on wanted side of things:
I'd like to meditate more regularly again. I've said this a few times over the months. When I think about the subject of meditation, I'd like my thoughts feel good about it. I'm aware there's a tendency my for my thoughts to drift the other way, and in a way I like seeing how circumstances worsen to match it.
Reminder: Am I being guided by my mind or the feeling of relief?
Reminder: My story is this - I meditate for 15 mins on a regular basis. I reliably feel some relief when I do so which means I am always in the process of closing the gap between my active beliefs and my inner being. As such I am always in the process of allowing more and more well-being to flow in.
Reminder: are my thoughts about meditation feeling good?
Day 4: First thing every morning, Victoria Station for a coffee
Focusing on wanted side of things:
I'd like to meditate more regularly again. I've said this a few times over the months. When I think about the subject of meditation, I'd like my thoughts feel good about it. I'm aware there's a tendency my for my thoughts to drift the other way, and in a way I like seeing how circumstances worsen to match it.
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Day2: Ab Hicks meditation first thing
Day1: 15 minutes sound meditation at least once a day
Day1: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
So! As usual - up and down but when I'm up (like right now) it feels like the best I've felt all year.
Something really fun is that I am being drawn to things that I've not been drawn to for what feels like 2 years maybe when I last felt this good.
The better I feel the better I wanna feel.
Day1: 15 minutes sound meditation at least once a day
Day1: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
So! As usual - up and down but when I'm up (like right now) it feels like the best I've felt all year.
Something really fun is that I am being drawn to things that I've not been drawn to for what feels like 2 years maybe when I last felt this good.
The better I feel the better I wanna feel.
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Day 3: Ab Hicks meditation first thing
Day 2: 15 minutes sound meditation at least once a day
Day 2: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
Things that increase my confidence: Meditation, exercise, cold showers, reading good books, talking to people, eating healthy food
Things that decrease my confidence: Browsing YouTube, Random internet usage, impulsive email checking
I watched a video yesterday that really stayed with me - it mentioned an experiment where a group of monkeys were put in a cage and had their D2 receptor density measured at the start, and again once they had established their hierarchy inside the cage. The lower status monkeys were found to have significantly lower D2 receptors in the brain once settling into their low status. This means that that their brain is less responsive to dopamine. This lowering of D2 receptors is seen in all addictions, the worse the addicts the lower the receptor density.
Doing things like browsing YouTube, impulsive email checking , doom scrolling and things like that, also down regulates D2 receptors as your brain is reacting against these sustained dopamine levels and wants to maintain homeostasis. I've long noticed the negative effects of things like this, but always drift back to them and kinda want to pretend they don't have much effect. But seeing it in this light, (I must be ready for it), that they do indeed directly reduce my levels of confidence , particularly social confidence!, really makes me want to reign it in because I hate not feeling confident.
Day 2: 15 minutes sound meditation at least once a day
Day 2: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
Things that increase my confidence: Meditation, exercise, cold showers, reading good books, talking to people, eating healthy food
Things that decrease my confidence: Browsing YouTube, Random internet usage, impulsive email checking
I watched a video yesterday that really stayed with me - it mentioned an experiment where a group of monkeys were put in a cage and had their D2 receptor density measured at the start, and again once they had established their hierarchy inside the cage. The lower status monkeys were found to have significantly lower D2 receptors in the brain once settling into their low status. This means that that their brain is less responsive to dopamine. This lowering of D2 receptors is seen in all addictions, the worse the addicts the lower the receptor density.
Doing things like browsing YouTube, impulsive email checking , doom scrolling and things like that, also down regulates D2 receptors as your brain is reacting against these sustained dopamine levels and wants to maintain homeostasis. I've long noticed the negative effects of things like this, but always drift back to them and kinda want to pretend they don't have much effect. But seeing it in this light, (I must be ready for it), that they do indeed directly reduce my levels of confidence , particularly social confidence!, really makes me want to reign it in because I hate not feeling confident.
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abrahammer117
- Posts: 267
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:14 am
Re: My Diary
Day 1: 15 minutes sound meditation at least three times a day
Day 8: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
Things that increase my confidence: Meditation, exercise, cold showers, reading good books, talking to people, eating healthy food
Things that decrease my confidence: Browsing YouTube, Random internet usage, impulsive email checking
As always this year, up and down but when I feel up it feels like the best I've felt in ages - still holding true!
Yesterday I got waves of feeling love and closeness to my partner I've not felt in a long time.
Something that is still holding true is that sound meditation is my best 'practice' - quieting of the mind to release resistance.
I keep drifting away from it and whenever I drift back to it it's like 'yep! this should be my base effort'. If I'm honest with myself I should put this ahead of anything else I do. I can definitely do 3 sits a day - let's go for it!
Day 8: 1min cold shower a day
Reminder: Downregulation of D2 receptors reduces social confidence
Things that increase my confidence: Meditation, exercise, cold showers, reading good books, talking to people, eating healthy food
Things that decrease my confidence: Browsing YouTube, Random internet usage, impulsive email checking
As always this year, up and down but when I feel up it feels like the best I've felt in ages - still holding true!
Yesterday I got waves of feeling love and closeness to my partner I've not felt in a long time.
Something that is still holding true is that sound meditation is my best 'practice' - quieting of the mind to release resistance.
I keep drifting away from it and whenever I drift back to it it's like 'yep! this should be my base effort'. If I'm honest with myself I should put this ahead of anything else I do. I can definitely do 3 sits a day - let's go for it!