The Abe Forum

Something happened, that REALLY makes me feel vulnerable.
DH tried to soothe me.
I tried to distract. I still want to hand out some slaps!
I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I feel like I wanna kick somebody. F* F* F*!!! It makes me so ANGRY!
This goddarn idiot! This stupid idiotic idiot. F*!!!!

Arrrrrrh. What do you do with brain amputated stupidity? Nothing. I HATE IT. I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT: I HATE IT.
Blllllah. Grrrrr. F*

Well, I am disempowered here.
I feel rotten.
I can deal with it.
Going general helps.
Easy.
F*.

Sigh. Better.

I'm at the beginning of my 30 day journey and I'm already feeling annoyed, overwhelmed, because I don't know how to change my situation. So I'm worried too. Fuck it. I just want to feel good and do what I want. How the hell do rich people feel? Are they better at feeling good? It can't be that hard to make more money! The LoA seems to be a science in itself. I make my lists, try to feel better, relax, etc. and in the end, everything is exactly the same as before. So I didn't do it right again. Either I'm trying too hard or my energy is inconsistent or something else. Screw it.

F*it. I feel so compelled to rip off someones head. I wanna DO something. I wanna bang this into place!
But what I REALLY want, is peace. F*.

I want peace. I want love for all. I want solutions.
I don't want action journey and banging it out from OOTV!
That wouldn't bring me ANY happiness.

F* F* F*!!! I am so sad. I am so tired. I am so clueless. And I LOVE being angry, because that feels so much better. Grrr!!!!

Well, I GIVE UP. Giving up, letting go, letting Source, being humble and easy and nice to myself!
THAT IS WHAT COUNTS. Ahh, so much better. Thank you. F*!

Thank you, the F* thread is simply brilliant.

I don't know why I keep looking for proof of the law of attraction. Google spits out things like: "The law of attraction is not scientifically proven, etc. etc." It makes me angry and now even furious. F*! F*! F*!!!

I'm not the only one who hasn't really made any progress so far, even though we've been dealing with the topic for so long. Are we not capable of being content and then slowly but surely climbing the steps on the EGS? It can't be that damn hard, can it?

I've had many happy moments so far and laugh until I cry. Yes, I'm also melancholic, in a bad mood, maybe not angry enough, but still happy. Despite that, nothing worth mentioning has happened, I just had a high time. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, that was nice, but I'm striving for more.

Perhaps I can get to the bottom of why I am being refused the money I want. Is it unworthiness? Is it fate? Is it envy? Is it something else that keeps me away from money? I don't know, but it makes me really angry. It makes me angry.
Ronaldo has an annual salary of 200 million euros, plus all the advertising contracts. I heard a quote from him on TV yesterday, and there are quite a few of them, where he says that his life is worth nothing without soccer, but also that he thinks he's the best footballer in the world. In addition to his talent, he cites discipline and hard work for his success. All right, so he has some things he can refer to that don't make sense to me. There's no comparison, but he's in a field where there's definitely more money than mine. I have no idea how more and more money is going to come into my experience. I know now that I have to open myself up to it. But it pisses me off that I can't, even though I don't think small at all when I'm dealing with sums like that. I'm not talking about 2 million, no, 200 million a year.

So I have this "muggle job" that I have a lot of resistance against. It always makes me face situations I am afraid of and don't like spending all of my valuable time there. I can't clean up this resistance all at once.
So I just say:
F*** it!
F*** all of their expectations! F*** the circumstances that made me chose this job instead of going for what I really want.
F*** it, what if I don't get everything done perfectly??
F*** their expectation of me to be grateful and like this job.
F*** a society that considers it to be normal for human beings to be sitting in front of a screen for 8 hours a day like a lab monkey...

I am justified in my desire to be free!
I am justified in my desire to unchain myself!
I am justified in my desire to design my own life!
I am justified in my desire to work less, play more.
I am justified in wanting to feel better.

My feelings are RIGHT!
I AM right!

I want to feel better. I want to chose how I spend my time. I want to be free. I want to wake up relaxed, happy, curious for the day. I want to have my own goals and work towards the fulfillment of achieving them! I want to live a good life. I want to be happy. I want to be able to move throughout the day, go for a walk, clean the apartment.
I am right in feeling this way!

And OH this is important: F*** it to all the people who criticize my thoughts because working in a job is the holy grail of humanity to them. Guess what I DO want to work. I love work. I like giving value to society. I like learning, improvement, making money, serving people through what I am doing! I just want to do it on my own terms and in a way that makes my heart sing.

I saw this calendar today and it made me think of this thread : )





I can see how these kinds of sayings can be soothing

, I love it!

WHAT a terrible drama. WHAT a nonsense. I hate when that happens. I hate when the Dramaking pulls all bells and whistles... and I LOVE to not be drawn into it, anymore.


F* the drama! F* the missed opportunities. F* the momentum that got the best of us, again. F* it. F* it, F* it, F* it!!! I choose to breathe. I chose to drop it. I choose to let it go, and move on in my life. Maybe I even find love again eventually




And now I pluck it and tuck it in the fuck-it-bucket. Or,something along this lines. WHAT A BULLCRAP.