Quotes on Relationships

[spiritualcookie]

Hotseater asks if his relationship is the cause of his unhappiness because he feels that it is.

Abraham:
Almost everybody feels that way because your object of attention [your relationship] is happening when you feel the [negative] emotion,

so it feels like that emotion is caused by that.

But we're wanting you to understand that without meaning to,
you've created an emotional grid [within your relationship]
that the details are filling in around.

And that you have the ability to change that emotional grid
and then different details will fill in around it.

(...)
What to do about it is:
To care about how you feel. (...)
identify where your emotion is
clarify where it is in relationship to who you really are (...)
and then (...) close that gap.

And it is our promise to you that with very little work together
as you close that gap your grid will change
and everything in terms of specifics will change as soon as today.

- Abraham
From the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks - Feeling Empty & Uncertain (May 2017)

[spiritualcookie]

Don't look for love in relationships with people; look for it in your relationship between you and your Source / Inner Being

[When people look for love in relationship, they are]
looking for love in all the wrong places.

and what we mean by that is,
if you're if you're looking for the love before you found the base connection with your own emotional connection to your Source
then it will always feel like there's something missing.

- Abraham
From the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks - Feeling Empty & Uncertain (May 2017)

[spiritualcookie]

Hotseater wants to know if he should leave a relationship that looks good on paper, and there's nothing "wrong" really, but he doesn't FEEL the love in the relationship.

Abraham:
You could leave that relationship and go somewhere else
and you might temporarily feel a little enlivened with new things that might be serving as catalysts to connect you more with your Inner Being initially.

But usually it just becomes - different faces different places -
you end up feeling pretty much the same way [after leaving, as you did before leaving, because you didn't tend to the true cause of the lack of feeling of love, which is a lack of connection to your own Source; to your own Inner Being, which is always "Love"].

It's so much better to stay right where you are
and do what you're really reaching for
which is connecting to the true love that is you
so that the true love that is you
can be present in the car
in the house
in the bed
in the family
in the life .

- Abraham
from the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks - Feeling Empty & Uncertain (May 2017)

[spiritualcookie]

People Seek Relationships for a sense of Security & Stability - but these can only truly ever come by connecting to your own Source

The security that you are looking for;
the freedom that you are looking for;
does not come from another person who is standing next to you or standing with you.

It comes from one place in one place only
and that is from your conscious - not your unconscious -
your conscious alignment with the Source that is within you.

-

And so it's a very common thing for teachers like you - for people
to move around this planet
- in fact almost everybody is -
it's the thing that most relationships are built on -
and it goes something like
"I stand here in my singularity,
and I am less than I want to be, [because I'm disconnected from feeling my connection with my own Source]
so I'd like to couple up with someone else in order to shore myself up.
In fact I'd like to partner up in some significant way.

It's the reason that humans often gather together in groups.

It's the reason that you believe that you need more numbers in order to battle
against things that are unwanted.

But it is a flawed premise of your life experience
and it is not where trust comes from.

(...)

We want you to understand that that trust - that alignment - comes from one place in one place only,
and that is alignment with that which you are.

(...)

When you reach for and find a sense of stability that is not based upon someone
else standing next to you
now you are ready to finally begin creating the life experience that you've come to live.

Now we're not encouraging you to get rid of your partners! (audience laughs)
That's not what this conversation is about!

But we are strongly encouraging you not to count on them for all of the things that you count on.

- Abraham
From the youtube clip: How to Fill that Void Within - Abraham Hicks - MOTIVATIONAL

[spiritualcookie]

"Am I seeking this relationship because it will be a condition that will help me to feel better?
Or have I accomplished alignment and I feel better and therefore this relationship is occurring to me, or has been realized by me as a result of my alignment?"

In other words, "Am I filling the void with this relationship
or is there no void, and in my alignment now I am receiving the impulses to the path
that lead me to the relationship that I've put into my Vortex?"

Big difference isn't it?

Because the majority of those who are seeking relationship want it because they
believe they will feel better in the having of it.

It's a condition.
It's an improved condition that they believe they need in order to feel good.

And that's what goes wrong with relationships because what you're saying to each other is:

"I need you for me to be whole,
which means first of all you have to meet these standards
and you have to always be present
and you can't let me down."

And nobody can do that for nobody.
In other words no one can do that for you.

And yet almost everybody is looking for their partner to do that for them.

And that's why people are moving through relationships.
Because this one works for a little while and then it doesn't
and then this one works for a little while and then it doesn't
and then this one works for a little while and then it doesn't
then this one works for a little while and then it doesn't

If you find vibrational aligned stability first
then the path to the relationship that is the satisfying relationship that you have put into your Vortex
will flow to you easily.

- Abraham
from the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks ~ Are you trying to fill a void with this relationship

[spiritualcookie]

A relationship is not about a partnership with another person
a relationship is about accomplishing relationship between you and you;
and then another person who will enhance that, will flow into your experience.

- Abraham

[spiritualcookie]

A relationship is not about a partnership with another person.
A relationship is about accomplishing relationship between you and you. (...)

[So]
If someone looks deep into your eyes and says:
"You fulfill me."
Run fast! (audience laughs)

If someone says to you:
"I cannot live without you"
Run like the wind! (laughter)

If someone says to you:
"Before you, I was nothing!"
Go running and screaming into the woods!

If someone says to you:
"I like you pretty good, let's see how it goes."
Say, "Alright".

If someone says:
"I'm having a really wonderful day, and you keep coming into my mind"
Then say: "hm we might be meant to be together."


- Abraham
From the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks ~ Are you trying to fill a void with this relationship

[spiritualcookie]

It's the relationship with your Inner Being that you are craving.
That's the void that you are often feeling.

When you try to fill that void with a physical relationship it usually does not go very well.

Once you have found alignment and THEN you move into a relationship, then everything is much better.

- Abraham
from the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks 2016 Feeling that void inside new

[spiritualcookie]

Let's just take this subject of having one partner or many.
Let's talk about this just for a moment.

Often someone will want to be monogamous and they will want to talk to us about it but they will have a partner, or a fear of having a partner, or a memory of having had a partner, or a concern that maybe they have a partner who just doesn't know it, who wants something different than the monogamy that they want.

What happens with so many:
So one has an idea of what life should be like, and it's one way.
And their partner has an idea of what life should be like, and let's say it's another way.

Well what happens so often, this one who wants monogamy, instead of focusing upon it and thinking about it, and basking in it and focusing on the positive aspects of it, instead, is looking over here at the absence of what is wanted, so he is feeling his vibration all full of the absence of what he wants.

And let's say the other one is doing the same thing.
The other one is wanting more freedom, but instead of experiencing freedom, appreciating the freedom, is worried about this one is worried about so is filling his vibration with what the other one is wanting.

So neither one of them is a vibrational match to what they want, and they're both blaming the other one for how they feel, or for what's going on.

And you can apply this to any kind of relationship or to any subject.

You have to be true to your own desire.
and when you are, you feel good.
And when you are true to your own desire, that desire unfolds in your experience.

- Abraham
from the youtube clip: Abraham Hicks 2016 Feeling that void inside new

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Monogamie, Freedom, Deepest Alignment and Sexual Variety

Alignment is not about another one, but solely about YOUR focus:
"The object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!"


HS:
I in my situation, I meet a variety of women which you spoke about, when you come into um... and I'm being honest, I can't... when you come into this experience, it's for the variety! And I've almost rationalized this in my head right now. That, maybe, a monogamous relationship or a marriage to one person, "forever" is an unreasonable expectation. Simply because every day I turn around, I see another beautiful woman, and I see a another beautiful woman, and I feel like "wow". I literally feel something sometimes... and so I'll stop, and just say "excuse me, you are gorgeous!" -and I don't mean anything. But I just want to leave, but I'm impressed by that.

And again, that's what I want to feel here! So I don't notice it as much there, so because I'm putting my attention to other places- like, out of habit in the past relationships... I mean I haven't been, you know, I guess, well, faithful. Simply because I rationalized in my head "well, hey I'm supposed to explore! And this is what I'm doing!" So now, I don't think it's a good thing. Because I feel like it's unfair to her, if I continue this way. And I want to... I want to commit! Be completely here, where... but then I feel like I'm limiting myself if I do that. If I stay. And there... so many other things to explore! Or people to explore.

Why would I stay, and just be happy forever? I'm supposed to stay forever. For 50, 60 more years! I guess you know, and not explore the rest of this? (Audience starts to laugh) I'm... I'm not sure if that was a question, like... I'm not sure if I can be happy here, and stay here forever. I can do that, but then I feel like, now if I decide to stay here and do that, I miss out on all this wonderful other things to explore!

Abe:
Well, you're expressing the sentiment of approximately 50% of your population, or or more! Well, let's sort this out.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that there is not a giant right and wrong in the sky, and that the rules that have been written about that, that have been interpreted through man, are always interpreted through the lens of what is seen to be most beneficial to the one, who is interpreting it. And so,

there really is not a right or wrong about whether you are monogamous or whether you have multiple relationships!

There just isn't.
And you are right about the variety, because the variety stimulates your awareness of what you want! And through all of it, you expand and become more. But we want to say, that it IS possible to- because you said as you began here today, something really significant: You said "I want to love this person." And while it sounded like what you were saying is: "I want to love this person. I want to be able to omit all of the others, and just give my undivided attention to this one person, and I want this one person to satisfy me. I want to just love this one person!" -did you notice how we took it to mean, what it really means? Which is: "I want to be in a continual state of love." In other words,

the object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!

And this speaks to what we've been talking about: The backwardness of all relationships, but especially these love relationships. Because what most people are saying is: "I want to feel this love. And you need to be everything that I need you to be: So that I can feel it.

And no one, no singular person has the capacity to be all of that, for any other person!

So then we say to you: You're wanting to take the responsibility for that alignment!
It's not an object of attention, that aligns you that you want you want alignment and when you show yourself that you can find that alignment, then everything in your experience is going to take on a different level of necessity.

Now we're not trying to talk you out of exploring all of the variety, and enjoying it. That's not the point of this conversation! The point of this conversation is to help you to realize, that what you're reaching for- this deep level of alignment- is possible.

And that, when you find it, then often these relationships that you enter into, these monogamous relationships can be so rich and delicious because you're standing in one place with one person so to speak, while the two of you are evolving together. So there's never-ending of the exploration! So, it doesn't get boring!

In other words, you keep discovering more depth and breadth in the relationship that you have.
Which isn't possible in the relationships as you're moving from place to place!

You already said, it doesn't last very long. Because it's not based upon what's coming from the inside! It's me, trying to affect the inside from the outside. So now, relative to the subject of what's right for any individual in terms of having one partner, or many- as we said, there's not a giant right or wrong in the sky about it. But here's what goes wrong:

So, most men are really seeking freedom. And we're teaching you, that the freedom that you're seeking is the freedom from the bondage of resistance that is always self-imposed. But most men are looking for Freedom, most women are looking for security. Security, that they'll only find when they come into alignment with who they are. But they're looking for it through a partner. So, she's looking for more security, which makes him feel less free. He's looking for more freedom, which makes her feel less secure. And so, that's the basis of most contention in most relationships!

So let's say that you meet someone, and you've already decided that you really like exploration on all subjects. You don't want to spend all your time with one person, in regard to anything! And you've shown yourself, that you can be tuned in, tapped in, turned on- and you're experiencing a lot of variety on a lot of fronts, and you're really happy. And you're offering a vibration about that, that is purely that vibration: It's who you are. It's what you want! And: it's what you offer, vibrationally. Well, if it's what you offer vibrationally- the law of attraction is going to reach out there, and find you someone who resonates with that perfectly!

And if you decide that you want a long-term relationship, it's a long-term relationship with someone who agrees with you, on this subject of variety. So, there's no contention! There's no feeling less than Who You Are! It takes a really tuned in tapped in turned on person, to be able to be in a relationship with somebody else... in other words, that kind of relationship that you're looking for would require two people who are not looking to each other for their reassurances! Who have found their reassurances through alignment with source.

And then, what you're doing in terms of your physical behavior and activity, is irrelevant.
Are you hearing that? The the more you're depending upon the other person to be what you need them to be, so that you can feel better- that is at the basis of trying to control the behavior of others! In other words, there's nothing in all of the world more uncomfortable, than to try to control the behavior of someone, who intends something differently than what you want them to intend!

So let's go back to this. So, if you are a person who has decided that you want variety, and you are true to that intention , not feeling guilty about it, not worrying about it, not feeling that you're doing something wrong- but really in vibrational alignment with it, the universe will bring you a partner who feels the same way. And you will live happily ever after, together.
But let's say that that's what you want, but it's not what you think you want. But you worry about it, and you want it, but you've had so many relationships with other people who didn't want you to have it, and so:

You want it- but. You want it, but. You want it, but. You want it, but! You want it, but... so, you're going to attract to yourself someone who is a vibrational match to the very thing that you worry about! and then you're going to have that sort of strain or struggle going on, within YOU!

Let's say, it's two people who have decided that they are happier in a committed relationship.
Let's say that they're aware of the pitfalls in a lot of sexual exploration. You've had enough variety that you're pretty much clear about what you want: You're no longer looking for other people to fulfill you. You found a way to find alignment with who you really are, and so, you are really in alignment with the idea of having an experience with someone, that is richer and deeper. It's what you want, and you're not feeling like you're missing out. You're not feeling that you're losing out- because you have brought yourself into alignment with that idea, so, that you're offering that pure intention well.

Then the law of attraction in the universe will deliver to you someone, who feels just like that, you see!

-No right or wrong in it. You really do want the universe to match you up with people, who are in alignment with your intentions! And what goes wrong in this relationship-thing is, that you've never really allowed yourself to think and believe and be, the way you think you want to be! You've got mixed energy all over the place about that subject, you see! And a way to bring that together is pretty much through meditation: quiet the mind and allow. Or, every time it comes up, come into alignment!

In other words, every time you see a beautiful woman, and you think: "oh, I would like to taste a little bit of that!" -and then, you feel the guilt wash over you- you feel the negativity of it. And you've gone right to the specifics! -Oh yeah. People die over this! People get shotguns over this. Uh, people get divorce over this! In other words, all the specifics begin to loom in you- go more General. (Then) you say: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! We aren't assigned a specific partner, in anything! The more we interact with others, the more broad and wonderful our experience is." And as you bring yourself into that better feeling, general place, again and again and again- so that your vibration is clear, and your vibration is pure, you see... The thing that you're grappling with here, you can hardly believe that you're visiting with Source energy.

...And, that Source energy is not only agreeing, but encouraging you to do something, that the majority of the population has been telling you for a very long time is a wrong thing!
But the majority of the population has been believing, that their happiness is dependent upon your behavior, in a lot of different ways, that have bound you!

We want you to give up your need to please others, relative to all things!
Because you will never have the happiness that you told us you want- the alignment and the love that you told us that you want, as long as you're resenting others, holding you in behavioral patterns that are not true to your desire.

That's huge!! That's huge, you see!


So the audience is all sitting here, most of them are completely traumatized, because they have resigned themselves to living within relationships, in order to please another. But we're not kidding you you're never going to be happy in a relationship that you feel, binds you, you see! And you are the only one who can unleash the binding. Because it's not about your behavior, and it's not about how many women you sleep with. It's not about any of that!

It's about what you do with your mind, that allows the fullness of who you are, to be present!

And it'll surprise you, how- when you come into complete alignment with who you are, how much less interaction you need with all those other people, that you were looking for, for that support to begin with!

In other words, when you tune in, to who you are, and you really allow source to flow through you, you're happy in a monogamous relationship. You're happy in any relationship setting, that you establish!
-Did we get there for you?

HS:
Yeah, yeah! Um, I think I got it. I'm going to have to listen to this a few times, over and over, uh...

Abe:
We were visiting with someone a few years ago, who had come to the decision that he was no longer happy with his current mate. And said in rather clear terms, that he was ready to move on, and wanted to know what we thought about it. And we said of course, "you can move on, and of course, there are a lot of other wonderful things for you to explore. But since we're aware of everyone that exists in the environment, and aware of what's in your Vortex, we said to this person: "If you move out of this relationship, looking for the things you want, you're less likely to find all of the things that life has shown you that you want, in any one place more, than this place! In other words, what we were saying:

-While you're dissatisfied when you move over >> there, you'll be dissatisfied because << these things will be missing.
-And when you move over << there, you'll be dissatisfied because >> these things are missing!

When you move over there, you'll be dissatisfied because these things are missing and there are a lot of beautiful faces around, that are missing so many of the other wonderful things that are really important to you: like really caring about the physical well-being of your daughter. In other words, your relationship is so much richer than you have yet allowed yourself to discover it. Because, you haven't been looking at it from the eyes of source!

Which is what you said that you wanted. So, we really would like the first question, that is so big, to be resolved within you, before you even move to the second one! Because once that first question is resolved, and you're in alignment with who you are, we think the second question will look entirely different to you.

HS:
All right, that makes sense so what what I gather right now is pretty much I can move and go into a different situation but if I'm looking for that one particular person, to hold everything to keep me in line, I'll never find it!

Abe:
Because that one particular person is YOU! And your relationship with your Inner Being!


from the youtube-clip "Abraham Finally Opens Up About Cheating And Multiple Partners! Abraham Hicks 2024"

-A sidenote about the name of this clip, that "Abe would finally open up" about the topic: It is not so, that Abe would have ever resisted to give this answer! There are much older workshops than this one, where they have already said the very same thing.