The Abe Forum

Monogamie, Freedom, Deepest Alignment and Sexual Variety

Alignment is not about another one, but solely about YOUR focus:
"The object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!"


HS:
I in my situation, I meet a variety of women which you spoke about, when you come into um... and I'm being honest, I can't... when you come into this experience, it's for the variety! And I've almost rationalized this in my head right now. That, maybe, a monogamous relationship or a marriage to one person, "forever" is an unreasonable expectation. Simply because every day I turn around, I see another beautiful woman, and I see a another beautiful woman, and I feel like "wow". I literally feel something sometimes... and so I'll stop, and just say "excuse me, you are gorgeous!" -and I don't mean anything. But I just want to leave, but I'm impressed by that.

And again, that's what I want to feel here! So I don't notice it as much there, so because I'm putting my attention to other places- like, out of habit in the past relationships... I mean I haven't been, you know, I guess, well, faithful. Simply because I rationalized in my head "well, hey I'm supposed to explore! And this is what I'm doing!" So now, I don't think it's a good thing. Because I feel like it's unfair to her, if I continue this way. And I want to... I want to commit! Be completely here, where... but then I feel like I'm limiting myself if I do that. If I stay. And there... so many other things to explore! Or people to explore.

Why would I stay, and just be happy forever? I'm supposed to stay forever. For 50, 60 more years! I guess you know, and not explore the rest of this? (Audience starts to laugh) I'm... I'm not sure if that was a question, like... I'm not sure if I can be happy here, and stay here forever. I can do that, but then I feel like, now if I decide to stay here and do that, I miss out on all this wonderful other things to explore!

Abe:
Well, you're expressing the sentiment of approximately 50% of your population, or or more! Well, let's sort this out.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that there is not a giant right and wrong in the sky, and that the rules that have been written about that, that have been interpreted through man, are always interpreted through the lens of what is seen to be most beneficial to the one, who is interpreting it. And so,

there really is not a right or wrong about whether you are monogamous or whether you have multiple relationships!

There just isn't.
And you are right about the variety, because the variety stimulates your awareness of what you want! And through all of it, you expand and become more. But we want to say, that it IS possible to- because you said as you began here today, something really significant: You said "I want to love this person." And while it sounded like what you were saying is: "I want to love this person. I want to be able to omit all of the others, and just give my undivided attention to this one person, and I want this one person to satisfy me. I want to just love this one person!" -did you notice how we took it to mean, what it really means? Which is: "I want to be in a continual state of love." In other words,

the object of attention to which you flow your love is much more irrelevant than anyone understands!

And this speaks to what we've been talking about: The backwardness of all relationships, but especially these love relationships. Because what most people are saying is: "I want to feel this love. And you need to be everything that I need you to be: So that I can feel it.

And no one, no singular person has the capacity to be all of that, for any other person!

So then we say to you: You're wanting to take the responsibility for that alignment!
It's not an object of attention, that aligns you that you want you want alignment and when you show yourself that you can find that alignment, then everything in your experience is going to take on a different level of necessity.

Now we're not trying to talk you out of exploring all of the variety, and enjoying it. That's not the point of this conversation! The point of this conversation is to help you to realize, that what you're reaching for- this deep level of alignment- is possible.

And that, when you find it, then often these relationships that you enter into, these monogamous relationships can be so rich and delicious because you're standing in one place with one person so to speak, while the two of you are evolving together. So there's never-ending of the exploration! So, it doesn't get boring!

In other words, you keep discovering more depth and breadth in the relationship that you have.
Which isn't possible in the relationships as you're moving from place to place!

You already said, it doesn't last very long. Because it's not based upon what's coming from the inside! It's me, trying to affect the inside from the outside. So now, relative to the subject of what's right for any individual in terms of having one partner, or many- as we said, there's not a giant right or wrong in the sky about it. But here's what goes wrong:

So, most men are really seeking freedom. And we're teaching you, that the freedom that you're seeking is the freedom from the bondage of resistance that is always self-imposed. But most men are looking for Freedom, most women are looking for security. Security, that they'll only find when they come into alignment with who they are. But they're looking for it through a partner. So, she's looking for more security, which makes him feel less free. He's looking for more freedom, which makes her feel less secure. And so, that's the basis of most contention in most relationships!

So let's say that you meet someone, and you've already decided that you really like exploration on all subjects. You don't want to spend all your time with one person, in regard to anything! And you've shown yourself, that you can be tuned in, tapped in, turned on- and you're experiencing a lot of variety on a lot of fronts, and you're really happy. And you're offering a vibration about that, that is purely that vibration: It's who you are. It's what you want! And: it's what you offer, vibrationally. Well, if it's what you offer vibrationally- the law of attraction is going to reach out there, and find you someone who resonates with that perfectly!

And if you decide that you want a long-term relationship, it's a long-term relationship with someone who agrees with you, on this subject of variety. So, there's no contention! There's no feeling less than Who You Are! It takes a really tuned in tapped in turned on person, to be able to be in a relationship with somebody else... in other words, that kind of relationship that you're looking for would require two people who are not looking to each other for their reassurances! Who have found their reassurances through alignment with source.

And then, what you're doing in terms of your physical behavior and activity, is irrelevant.
Are you hearing that? The the more you're depending upon the other person to be what you need them to be, so that you can feel better- that is at the basis of trying to control the behavior of others! In other words, there's nothing in all of the world more uncomfortable, than to try to control the behavior of someone, who intends something differently than what you want them to intend!

So let's go back to this. So, if you are a person who has decided that you want variety, and you are true to that intention , not feeling guilty about it, not worrying about it, not feeling that you're doing something wrong- but really in vibrational alignment with it, the universe will bring you a partner who feels the same way. And you will live happily ever after, together.
But let's say that that's what you want, but it's not what you think you want. But you worry about it, and you want it, but you've had so many relationships with other people who didn't want you to have it, and so:

You want it- but. You want it, but. You want it, but. You want it, but! You want it, but... so, you're going to attract to yourself someone who is a vibrational match to the very thing that you worry about! and then you're going to have that sort of strain or struggle going on, within YOU!

Let's say, it's two people who have decided that they are happier in a committed relationship.
Let's say that they're aware of the pitfalls in a lot of sexual exploration. You've had enough variety that you're pretty much clear about what you want: You're no longer looking for other people to fulfill you. You found a way to find alignment with who you really are, and so, you are really in alignment with the idea of having an experience with someone, that is richer and deeper. It's what you want, and you're not feeling like you're missing out. You're not feeling that you're losing out- because you have brought yourself into alignment with that idea, so, that you're offering that pure intention well.

Then the law of attraction in the universe will deliver to you someone, who feels just like that, you see!

-No right or wrong in it. You really do want the universe to match you up with people, who are in alignment with your intentions! And what goes wrong in this relationship-thing is, that you've never really allowed yourself to think and believe and be, the way you think you want to be! You've got mixed energy all over the place about that subject, you see! And a way to bring that together is pretty much through meditation: quiet the mind and allow. Or, every time it comes up, come into alignment!

In other words, every time you see a beautiful woman, and you think: "oh, I would like to taste a little bit of that!" -and then, you feel the guilt wash over you- you feel the negativity of it. And you've gone right to the specifics! -Oh yeah. People die over this! People get shotguns over this. Uh, people get divorce over this! In other words, all the specifics begin to loom in you- go more General. (Then) you say: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! We aren't assigned a specific partner, in anything! The more we interact with others, the more broad and wonderful our experience is." And as you bring yourself into that better feeling, general place, again and again and again- so that your vibration is clear, and your vibration is pure, you see... The thing that you're grappling with here, you can hardly believe that you're visiting with Source energy.

...And, that Source energy is not only agreeing, but encouraging you to do something, that the majority of the population has been telling you for a very long time is a wrong thing!
But the majority of the population has been believing, that their happiness is dependent upon your behavior, in a lot of different ways, that have bound you!

We want you to give up your need to please others, relative to all things!
Because you will never have the happiness that you told us you want- the alignment and the love that you told us that you want, as long as you're resenting others, holding you in behavioral patterns that are not true to your desire.

That's huge!! That's huge, you see!


So the audience is all sitting here, most of them are completely traumatized, because they have resigned themselves to living within relationships, in order to please another. But we're not kidding you you're never going to be happy in a relationship that you feel, binds you, you see! And you are the only one who can unleash the binding. Because it's not about your behavior, and it's not about how many women you sleep with. It's not about any of that!

It's about what you do with your mind, that allows the fullness of who you are, to be present!

And it'll surprise you, how- when you come into complete alignment with who you are, how much less interaction you need with all those other people, that you were looking for, for that support to begin with!

In other words, when you tune in, to who you are, and you really allow source to flow through you, you're happy in a monogamous relationship. You're happy in any relationship setting, that you establish!
-Did we get there for you?

HS:
Yeah, yeah! Um, I think I got it. I'm going to have to listen to this a few times, over and over, uh...

Abe:
We were visiting with someone a few years ago, who had come to the decision that he was no longer happy with his current mate. And said in rather clear terms, that he was ready to move on, and wanted to know what we thought about it. And we said of course, "you can move on, and of course, there are a lot of other wonderful things for you to explore. But since we're aware of everyone that exists in the environment, and aware of what's in your Vortex, we said to this person: "If you move out of this relationship, looking for the things you want, you're less likely to find all of the things that life has shown you that you want, in any one place more, than this place! In other words, what we were saying:

-While you're dissatisfied when you move over >> there, you'll be dissatisfied because << these things will be missing.
-And when you move over << there, you'll be dissatisfied because >> these things are missing!

When you move over there, you'll be dissatisfied because these things are missing and there are a lot of beautiful faces around, that are missing so many of the other wonderful things that are really important to you: like really caring about the physical well-being of your daughter. In other words, your relationship is so much richer than you have yet allowed yourself to discover it. Because, you haven't been looking at it from the eyes of source!

Which is what you said that you wanted. So, we really would like the first question, that is so big, to be resolved within you, before you even move to the second one! Because once that first question is resolved, and you're in alignment with who you are, we think the second question will look entirely different to you.

HS:
All right, that makes sense so what what I gather right now is pretty much I can move and go into a different situation but if I'm looking for that one particular person, to hold everything to keep me in line, I'll never find it!

Abe:
Because that one particular person is YOU! And your relationship with your Inner Being!


from the youtube-clip "Abraham Finally Opens Up About Cheating And Multiple Partners! Abraham Hicks 2024"

-A sidenote about the name of this clip, that "Abe would finally open up" about the topic: It is not so, that Abe would have ever resisted to give this answer! There are much older workshops than this one, where they have already said the very same thing.

About People-Pleasing- the good, the bad and the ugly...
(EVERYTHING ALWAYS works out for you!

HS:
Hi! Yeah, it's you!!!

Abe:
Shocking! (laughter)

HS:
Thank you! Yeah, I, uh second time in Stanford, I knew if I raised my hand, you'd call me. But I wasn't ready, and I knew that today, you' call me. So I raised my hand.

Abe:
Yeah. Yeah! The key word: I knew. "I knew..." that's why we don't just call on anybody, when you know! Yeah.

HS:
Yeah. Um, I want to not take too much time, but I'm trying to figure out if I'm between "love", "finance" and my "deep desire dreams", slash "professional". But I think I'm going to choose "professional", because this week was intense and, um, I want to know... I want any clarity on whether or not...

-I know who I am. And what I have manifested when I'm tapped in and turned on, all of that, I make powerful things happen. And, I'm grateful...

Abe:
Well, so when things happen like what you're talking about, it does a wonderful thing for you: It really sharpens desire. But it's tricky, because it sharpens your desire, and it also sharpens your awareness of where you are! It makes it really intense. And that's why it feels so strong, you see. The good news is, your desire has come into much stronger clarity!

Well, your inner being knows mostly what you want. But you know, your Inner being- you get the concept of the Vortex? Where your desires are? And you get the concept of your Inner Being, focusing there? So, can you imagine or accept, that you might live something, that might make you put another piece into that, that wasn't there, before? It might be a timing-piece. It might be a value-piece, like, bigger what you're living. It's never of not value, even if it feels like it's not going the way you wanted it to go!

It is always of value, because every subject is like a stick with two ends on it. So when it doesn't go your way, it really went your way! And your Inner Being got a stronger bead on more specifics, now, than has ever been there before. And so, it is more certain, that what's coming is going to please you, big time, than it was before that!

So, doesn't that soften your discomfort about anything?

HS:
Oh yes! I've been leaning into refinement and allowing myself to create from whatever contrast comes my way.

Abe:
Yeah. contrast is good!! That's something that humans usually aren't willing to say: Contrast is good.
It provides clarity, and it strengthens asking. But the key to the key to allowing contrast to be good, is not stubbornly trying to... affirm isn't the right word, to not justify or defend what happened.

So, talk to us!

HS:
Well, interesting you said that things happen. And so, for me, I was existing in this way, being in this way, and my personal... uh happening, was health. And it brought upon a huge crisis. Like a a crisis in confidence. And things just like, wobbly wobbly, not as a will to align and long story short, yesterday after a year and a half about um... my two bosses sat me down to discuss my exit. Um and that's where I'm... I felt like I needed to talk to you, to fine. I want to know if they asked me to stay extra for a good transition to help them, to not affect the culture, to not affect... blah blah blah. And that I can control the narrative, but I'm not sure that's in service of me, but...

Abe:
We think it is! For this reason. Because what they're calling an exit, is your new entrance somewhere.
And since the new entrance isn't obvious to you yet, then letting this exit be smoothing both ends of that out- it helps this! And it helps this not because this needs to be helped, because this is already lined up, but it doesn't feel lined up to you, now! -You got the sense of all of that, didn't you? The man in the chair just now said: "Everything is always working out for me." And you just said "Well it might be good for them, but I don't know if it's so good for me!" -We like to explain:

Things are always working out for me, in this way:
This is the way Esther writes it every day. "Things are always working out for me, and everyone else, too."

Because there's no competition! It's not a pie that you're slicing up, and if somebody else is getting a bigger slice, I'm getting a smaller slice. It's NOT like that! Things are always working out, for all of us! You're not ready for it yet, maybe you are. But as this unfolds a little bit you're going to realize that there are better things for you, than this! What has been is already become sort of limiting. And you've been feeling some of that, that that's all part of some of the angst that you've been feeling! And so, it's working to your advantage, in a big way! This is not you, winding down, into less than. Its you, winding up into more, than!

HS:
To give you just some context of where I'm coming from, is: I'm... I've always been a pleaser. My whole life. And that's one thing I've wanted to shift, and that I've been working on, and doing my personal work on that, and being intentional on my actions. And not allowing that need to like, please everyone. So that's why I want to make sure, that it's not coming from the pleaser.

Abe:
We're going to throw something back at you, and you tell us how that fits in with what you just said! (HS: Sure!)

"If I know (we're standing in your human shoes...) if I know, that things are always working out for me, and I also know that things are also working out for everyone else... am I a pleaser. Oh, I'm pleased when you thrive! I'm pleased when things are good for you! I'm pleased when things are good for me!

Am I a pleaser? Well, maybe! I'm just pleased:
-Maybe I'm tuned in, tapped in, turned on?
-Maybe I realize, that there's enough resources for everybody?
-Maybe I'm no longer competing over resources?"

HS:
Well, that I do believe!

Abe:
We know that about you, too! But in the context of being a pleaser as you hear it come from us this is the context- we know who you were, before you came into this physical body. And who you've become vibrationally, ever since! And it is our desire, that you calibrate to that part of you- not to the peanut gallery out here!

Most people are calibrating to the others, that they can see and hear and smell and taste and touch. You watch their body language. There are a lot of people, that just throw a little fit and so it changes the way you behave! So, being an effective pleaser who is a value to them, you don't cater to their whining. You praise their successes! You be like they Inner Being: You give full attention to what feels good. And you give no attention to what feels bad! And so, the only way that we mean that being a pleaser is detrimental to you, and to them, is if you're trying to be the Law of Attraction and make up for what they're not able to do, through your action.

Don't soothe whiners! Don't soothe whiners by fixing things for them.
Because all it does, is make them think that whining works.

And whining does work to a certain degree. But it doesn't work magnificently:
It doesn't give you creative genius.
It doesn't make you one of the best of the best, in terms of the way you thrive and feel, you see!

And so, the health thing is about you, taking on too much responsibility for too many people, that you don't have any power over.

For you care about their well-being, but it's like pushing a noodle. You can't make someone allow! You watch us and all the antics that we go through. We can't know it enough, to make someone know it, who is stubbornly not knowing it, right? Now, we just keep saying it over and over and over and over and over and over again- until you're ready.

You don't let it in, and so you can't make people succeed or be happy, who are in an ornery mood! It's just not going to happen. It's not going to happen.

Esther heard a comedian that she really likes... we're not doing an advertisement for anything, but she heard Jerry Seinfield say about this new Netflix thing, that is being released, called "poptart". Esther hasn't seen it, she's going to see it as soon as she can get rid of all of you! (laughter) But she heard him say, when they ask him how did he make something so wonderful happen- he says "We just get people in a good mood, and then it happens! We just try to get people in a good mood, and then it happens. We just try to get people in a good mood and then it happens!" Well, is that a pleaser? Kind of sort of, he is. But you can't get people in a good mood, if you are not in a good mood!

So if your bag of marbles is in a good mood, then you're going to encourage other people to tune in, and they're going to be in a good mood, and then wonderful things do happen collectively, as you're all working together.

But if you're in a bad mood, because you're worried about this or that, or this or that- you're trying to protect people from this or that, or this or that- that takes a toll on outcomes. We don't think your moving in your work is a disadvantage, in any way, shape or form! Its something that your Vortex has been calling you toward, for a long time. We'r going to make a strong statemen,t that you're going to hear really well: We're going to tell you a story.

There was a woman who came to a workshop, who lived in a place that she described as miserable. But for whatever reason, she kept staying there, and she kept staying there. She just kept putting up with all the things about it, that she didn't like. Then they passed a new rule, that her cat could not live there. So she's sneaking the cat around, for quite a while, because she's defiant of this. But then she decided to move. And we said: "So, you'll move for your cat?" -Cuz the cat didn't like being carried around in a paper sack, sneaking in and out. So, she moved for the cat. But she wouldn't move for herself!

And that's kind of why you'll move: Because somebody else has decided that it's not a match. But it hasn't been a match for you, for a long time time! And because you're a pleaser, and because you keep your commitments, and because you're good at what you do, you put up with stuff you didn't like, in order to help them. And that's why you're so mad! You've been putting up with stuff for them. And now they've got the nerve to say: "No"??? This could have happened two years ago, or 3 years ago, or 4 years ago or 5 years ago!

HS:
Yeah. My best friend is sitting there! You're just... you're completely validating her. I can feel her eyes and energy, over there! (laughter)

Abe: Good?

HS:
Amazing. Thank you!

from the youtube-clip: "Abraham Hicks 2024 new - From a people pleaser to a SELF EMPOWERED LEADER Law of attraction