Ghosted

[Paradise-on-Earth]

So it's basically like an addiction? The first step is admitting you have a problem, a pattern that doesn't serve you. You realise it, then you start to wean yourself off and replace those unhelpful, obsessive thought patterns, bit by bit with habits of thought that do serve you? And train myself in babysteps....

Exactly!
And: Be nice to yourself.

[Salamander89]

Some little empowering realisations I've had over these last few days:

1) This period of no contact with her has actually been a gift. Because it gives me (and possibly her) some breathing space, away from the problems we both shared whilst we worked together. As much as I desire to be with her, we shared a lot of problems, gave a lot of airtime to things going wrong, and this period of no contact has given us a respite from that.

2) Really, it's a wake up call, a call to LEVEL UP!!!! If she has has moved on and stopped thinking about me, then it's time for me to do the same. I need to enter that same energy that she may have going on about that.
These last few days I have really focused more on myself, my abilities, my hobbies......doing more art, going back to the gym. It is awesome, I'm feeling much better.

That's all that heartbreak really is I suppose. Somebody outside disappoints, it's an alarm bell to turn INWARDS and get selfish and level up! And at the same time, I can still Bask a little in the appreciation I have for her, but in a more empowered way!

It's another learning experience as an Aber, to get more selfish and bring me back to my own power!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Some little empowering realisations I've had over these last few days:

1) This period of no contact with her has actually been a gift. Because it gives me (and possibly her) some breathing space, away from the problems we both shared whilst we worked together. As much as I desire to be with her, we shared a lot of problems, gave a lot of airtime to things going wrong, and this period of no contact has given us a respite from that.

2) Really, it's a wake up call, a call to LEVEL UP!!!! If she has has moved on and stopped thinking about me, then it's time for me to do the same. I need to enter that same energy that she may have going on about that.
These last few days I have really focused more on myself, my abilities, my hobbies......doing more art, going back to the gym. It is awesome, I'm feeling much better.

That's all that heartbreak really is I suppose. Somebody outside disappoints, it's an alarm bell to turn INWARDS and get selfish and level up! And at the same time, I can still Bask a little in the appreciation I have for her, but in a more empowered way!

It's another learning experience as an Aber, to get more selfish and bring me back to my own power!

wonderful insights and not small, but BIG realisations!! I love it!! Big kudos to you!!
The last days I heard an interview with Jim Parsons who has put into beautiful words what you are experiencing, I want to share that, maybe it backs you up even a little more:

Jim Parsons on the Gift of Heartbreak


It's not only that you need to risk getting your heart broken, in order to live a full, rich life.
It's really that you will get it broken, by having a rich, full life!

And that, only by breaking your heart in that way, do you open to... to the possibilities that you can have. The amount of love you're able to give, and receive, for others, for yourself.

You wouldn't wish a tragedy of this, or a sadness of this, on anyone and yet, I would wish a life changing journey on everyone.

Jim Parsons,
from the youtube clip "Jim Parsons Reflects On Coming Out, Big Bang Theory, Young Sheldon & More | Them"

[Salamander89]

I'm back here again.

I'm doing my absolute best to distract and feel better.
Apparently she's now going out with a new person in the time shes been away....

I've spent today miserable as hell, heartbroken, going over things again and again......I feel jealous, I feel not good enough and I'm having a hard time soothing myself. And I feel as though I have failed over and over.

This has been the pattern that has been going on my whole life, heartbreak when it comes to relationships. I have always been shunned aside for another guy. I'm tired of being second best.

I really want to turn this around, keep getting obsessive repetitive thoughts about her and jealous over this over guy. But there is SOOO much negative momentum generated over so many years, I don't even know where to start to turn around that momentum.

I really don't want to turn this into an agony aunt column.....but I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I've been single for 14 years, I thought I found someone I could settle down with......but she chose a third party. She's not interested, at least that's what I get from her. It's really hard not to take the sting from this

I have also been stuck in the same job for 17 years and keep feeling more dissatisfied with what I'm doing. Yes I know Abe say what you focus on grows etc. But it's hard not to notice when the woman you're in love with, who you've worked with for years, moves on, gets a job somewhere else and then meets someone else. All the while I'm just stuck where I am. And yes I'm jealous!

I keep getting more deep Seated thoughts of "when are things going to work out for me" and "Why do things work out for others and not me?!!" "I'm not good enough" etc etc etc......I should know better, I shouldn't put her on a pedestal, I know about the teachings of Abraham etc etc.

Anyway I just need more guidance But I have appreciated all the guidance you have given me so far

[spiritualcookie]

I just need more guidance

The question is: how can you soothe yourself? what can you say to yourself that will give you some relief? That is the direction you want to go. That will take you downstream where everything you want is.

It works best when YOU find the words that soothe you, but I can try to give you some examples to give you an idea of the kind of work you can try to do: (When you do the work, Abe recommend that it gives better focus if you write it out and read it back to yourself to reinforce the better-feeling words)

Some examples:

- I have been stuck in the same job for 17 years... but maybe I can find another job that's more satisfying.
- Just because things have been one way for 17 years doesn't mean they can't change.
- All I need to do is keep my eyes open for other options and opportunities.
- People find jobs every day.

- I'm single right now and it sucks!! And the one I thought was the woman for me has moved on. It sucks!
- But I'd like to believe that there could be more than one person in the world that may be a good match with me.
- Maybe everything works out the way it did for good reason.. maybe she wasn't entirely right for me... maybe there is someone who's a better match for me out there.

- Why do things work out for others and not me?!
- Well, I know it's all about energy... and I do know about Abraham's teachings..
- Maybe once I start telling a better-feeling story things will start working out a little better for me too.. that's what Abraham teach.. right?
- The universe only response to my vibration.. so if I do some self-soothing, and some deliberate Abraham work... maybe I can raise my vibration and then things will start working out better for me too...
- I'd like to believe that... I'd like to believe things can work out for me too.. that would be nice...

[Salamander89]

Thank you spiritual cookie!

I've just dug up a copy of Astonishing power of emotions by Abraham.....gonna start reading it again tommorow. It has been at the back of my mind all throughout today, although I do start sliding off back to my negative trains of thought. And this episode with thus woman has triggered this, and been a catalyst for me getting back into alignment for months now.

[spiritualcookie]

Reading Abe really helps me get into a better state of mind. I hope it helps you too
You can do it! Set aside some time to write down some soothing things you can say to yourself that will help you feel a little better. That will get the ball rolling in a better-feeling direction for you. When we can soothe ourselves, we are so powerful!