Layshii's realm of practice

[Layshii]

Hello, this is my place for practicing the teachings and also for keeping track of my progress
Starting now:

There's pain. I feel pain in my body. I lost track of how many years this kind of pain has been active. It's okay. It's changing. And changing means it can get better.
I don't feel bad, because of the physical pain. I feel bad because my IB is telling me, my thoughts about the pain are not in alignment with what my IB is thinking about it. It's fine. I'm getting better and better at this. I don't have to do anything right now. There's no need to fight against circumstances. It would be great, of I would be optimistic about this one day. Wouldn't it be nice, if I was optimistic about this? I know it's possible to be healthy and to feel good in my body again! I know this!

Anything else are just weird beliefs that I picked up somewhere else. It's okay. It's fine. They are still active. But I am aware of them. And I can feel better. I already do feel better.
Nothing is wrong with me. The more often I am aware of these old beliefs, the better I'll get at stopping and not believing them any more. And I can always find better feeling thoughts.

I have changed my thoughts and beliefs in the past. I can change these ones, too.
All is well. I can be healthy. It is possible. Because the future contains all possibilities!
It's also possible that it'll be easy and fast.

[Layshii]

Ease

What if it is easy to be healthy? Can I get myself to believe this? How would that feel?
Let that sink in.
Easy.
It feels good. Very good. Great. Awesome! Ease.
It's easy. I feel sure. I feel good.
Then there's doubt. Old beliefs.
But it's easy!

- 'You will get disappointed' -
This is just an old thought. I didn't get disappointed with other things that this thought tried to warn me before. So this is just a thought. It doesn't know what's possible and what not. It's okay. It's fine.

Ease.
Easy. Fun. Ease. So easy!
My body is so powerful. It's a great body. Think of all the tasks it's doing on its own while I'm writing here! Amazing!

Doubt. Stop. Shush!

I like easy. Playful. Easy. Fast. Powerful. I love to feel powerful. I love knowing. I love to love.
My body is great. It's doing great! It's waiting for me to adjust my feelings and thoughts.
I can do this! I can feel better. I can find things to appreciate about my body.

What if it's easy? What if it's really easy? What if it's easy? What if I am healthy? What if I wake up and feel good in my body? What if I get up and feel good in my body? What if I are food and feel good in my body? What if it's easy for my body to be healthy? What if it's normal to be healthy for me? What would I think about going outside walking, doing Sports, meeting people, going shopping? Easy, easy, easy, easy! Fun, easy, fun, easy, easy easy easy fun fun fun, happy, free! I'm free. I'm happy! I love my body! I'm free! I'm happy! I enjoy life! Life is awesome! Life is great! My body is awesome!

My health is awesome...
Wouldn't it be nice, if one day I casually talk with people and tell them, that my health is great? That I'm always healthy? That I love being so heathy?

It's easy! Easy easy easy easy. It's easy. I know it's easy. It's so easy! I know this! It's easy. And I love it!

[Layshii]

I love that I attracted seeing the word 'easy' a few hours after I practiced here. It was right in front of me and I couldn't miss it

Wouldn't it be nice, if this topic that is still on a low vibration would be easy? Wouldn't it be nice, if the universe takes over and it became super easy? I'd love to take action out of an impulse that feels good. That would be so nice. If I would trust the universe and myself. I attract what I want. I know what I want. I could play around with my imagination.

I can do it. I did it before. I have become more confident and am more in alignment with my Inner Being.
My only job is to feel good now. I don't need to take any action today. It's totally fine to adjust my vibration first. I can do this. I am awesome. I can play around with finding positive aspects about other topics. I can practice feeling good. And then look at that low vibration topic again.
My Inner Being knows what I want. I only feel bad, because it's reminding me, that my thoughts about this topic are BS. Haha! It's those thoughts! The future can look totally different from what these thoughts are showing me. They know nothing about the future. But my Inner Being does. It knows, that everything is fine. This is easy! This is fun! Easy and fun!
Yeah! Wouldn't it be great to have fun with this? Wouldn't it be fantastic, if this is easy? I get what I want, easily. And it's fun. Oh that feels so good! I love fun! That would be so cool!
Awesome!
It's done!

[Layshii]

I wished that this unwanted would go away. I wished that I could do what other people described in their success stories and have success, too. I tried to make peace with the unwanted. I had fun with writing a new story. In the end the unwanted just became worse.
I realize that I can't make peace, when I try to make the unwanted go away with a technique. That's fighting against what-is.

Today I feel that I'm at a point at which I naturally give up the fight. I'm going to live with this unwanted for now. The only thing worth thinking about is, how to feel good despite the unwanted being present 24/7, visibly and in the form of physical pain.

I have ideas about a different approach in soothing myself that I want to try. I have climbed up on the EGS. And I can climb up again as often as I feel the need to do so. Today, tomorrow, however long it will take me to feel better about this topic.
It's okay. It is like it is.

The pain and strong emotions mean, that my wish wants to come true.
It also means I'm not helpless against my negative beliefs. And that I don't need to take action right now.
I can make my way up to hope. I can feel better. In fact I already felt better a while ago.
I can find ways to feel better again.
This is going to pass.
My priority is only how I feel.
Things are becoming easier and easier.
Everything's fine. I don't need to look for solutions. I don't need to take uninspired actions. It's alright. It's fine.
It's okay, if I don't know what to do. It's okay.
I'll get better and better at this.
All is well!

[Layshii]

I'm learning to differentiate between mental and physical well-being. I'm getting better at this.
Feeling good is essential. It doesn't matter how my body feels. I can feel good. I am well. I'm at peace.
I'm the person at the wheel, while source is the motor, doing everything to bring me to my goals. I don't need to struggle.
When I distracted myself long enough and went to sleep, the next morning my Inner Being was able to get through to me and remind me of telling myself, that I am well.
I feel good. It's my decision.
I don't need to work on the negative beliefs. Deciding to feel good is enough for now. Because then I don't struggle and I just accept reality.

It still seems tough for me to trust this process and deal with the doubtful thoughts. But I tried so much now and failed due to my struggle. So this is the only way left.
This is how loa works. It's supposed to be easy. With the right mindset it is easy.
I remember manifesting something for fun. It was do easy and I got all the details that I wished for. So feeling good, is the right way.

Also I don't need to struggle to feel good. I'll just do the meditation, when it feels good to do it. It doesn't matter, if there are times, when I'm not concentrated or in a vibration that's too low. It's okay. It's fine. I'm getting better at this. In going my path.
I've made wonderful progress on other topics. I'll make progress on the topic of health, too.
I just get back to doing rampages, practicing self-love, meditate and have fun

[Layshii]

I manifested this. I know what I don't want. What do I want instead?
To feel good. To feel sure. Confident. Powerful. Clear. Sure. Good. Being in a good mood. Ease. I want easy. I want flow. To be in the flow.
I create this. It was my doing.
I can create differently, when I decide to feel good now. I make peace with what-is. I don't need to suffer for anyone. And not for myself. The opposite of suffering is feeling well. Being ina good mood. Thinking good feeling thoughts. Being playful. Powerful. I'm in charge. I create my reality through the thoughts and feelings I chose now. So I choose to feel good. It's all good.
I don't need to do anything other than to find ways to feel good.
I create my reality. I create my future.
I'm learning that feeling good had nothing to do with how my body feels. I can learn to feel good, despite other people's behaviors, too.
I can do it! I'm getting better and better at this!

If it feels good, it's the right direction. I'm getting better at this.
All is well. I'm doing fine. I decide to feel good and I feel good. I'm getting better at listening to my inner guidance. I'm getting better and better at this. All is well.

[Layshii]

I pondered, if it makes sense to continue being active in the forum. Most Abers have very different lives and mental states compared me. I like the Abraham teachings, but from my perspective they are mostly catered to people with healthy mindsets.
I grew up with the belief to be powerless. It has spread to most areas of my life and manifested a reality that reflects it. In order for the Abraham's teachings to be effective I need to learn trust. And I need have hope. So I'm currently practicing the feeling of 'powerful' and 'being in a good mood' several times a day. And whenever a thought comes up, that evokes feelings of fear and powerlessness, I practice to face the unpleasant feelings and tell myself that it's possible to have and be what I want. I try to find ways to break the identification with the negative beliefs and be more gentle towards myself.
So far I manifested finding helpful advice and a person currently giving me advice who has had a similar mindset like me and succeeded to become more in alignment with their Inner Being.

The belief that I can't manifest the things I want, is just a belief. The doubtful voice inside my head says I have no control over my manifestations and that I won't manifest positive things in the future. But that is just a belief as well. And beliefs can be changed. I can change them. Step by step. Starting with feeling better. And when I feel ready I can get more and more into the details.
I can always go back to being more general. I can learn to trust my inner guidance. My healthy mindset will become stronger and stronger. I can do this!

My current wishes are:
- feeling good, safe and sure while seeing and hearing other people, so going outside is easy
- having a completely healthy body that feels good
- a therapy that perfectly supports me and is covered by my health insurance
- going for walks, because I enjoy them
- having friends that live nearby and that I like to talk and meet up with
- feeling fulfilled with my life and having things I love to do
- having a job that is fulfilling and fun

I want to be in alignment with my Inner Being. I want to have a powerful personality, that believes in herself, that trusts she gets everything she wants. Who feels sure and secure.
When I read about the lives and wishes of other Abers I want to feel hopeful, that I'll be on their level. I want to feel optimistic. I want to feel sure. I want to know, that one day I will have the mindset and life that I want.

[Layshii]

How do I feel?
Feels like being overwhelmed. I work on a topic, thinking I make progress. Then three others pop up that are way down on the EGS. I ended up struggling. My health kept getting worse. I fought against what-is and at the same time wanting to reach my goals. That's not how this works.
I decided that I would learn to play this game by the rules. So let's play.

Health: I would like to feel hopeful. I climbed up on the EGS today. Maybe I need to repeat this throughout the day. Right now, it's manageable. It's okay. Pain means, energy wants to get through to my cells. My body wants to heal or better yet, it wants to be healthy.
I can change how I feel. I can feel a bit better. I can change my thoughts. And eventually my beliefs. One step at a time. Right now, it's okay.
I doubt that my body can be healthy and that I'll feel better soon. Even when I had times in which I felt better and could be more active, it got worse again and again. I feel like a failure for not being able to change my beliefs. - Wait, I'm not a failure! I do the best I can. I can get to hope. I can let the energy through a bit more. That would be great. I can do this. Maybe I'm overwhelmed, because I try to achieve too much. Dealing with physical pain and with fears, anxiety attacks, topics that are down at powerlessness. Maybe there's another way to do this.
I want to feel hopeful. But I don't feel it. I feel disappointed. - But think of how far I've come. I can look at these topics. I can feel better about them. That's great! That's awesome! What, if my body is able to be healthy and to feel good? What, if I am able to feel hopeful? What, if feeling hopeful also make me more healthy? What, if I can feel hopeful although I'm in pain. That would be cool. I would like that. I don't feel hopeful though.
How do I feel?
Still doubtful. I wish I was healthy already. I wish practicing feeling powerful would be enough to raise all the topics to at least hope. But they're so stubborn and feel so awful. I don't want to deal with them any more. they are contrast. Unwanted stuff. I don't like being in pain. I want to be able to dance for hours. I want to be able to concentrate on all the other topics. I want to feel powerful. I want the healthy body that I had when I was a little kid! I want that happiness back!
But I can't as long as these negative beliefs are still active.
They can be changed. It's okay. I can get through this day and concentrate on other stuff. It's okay.
Wouldn't it be nice, if I keep feeling better? Wouldn't it be nice to feel good? To be in a good mood? To feel powerful, just because this feels so good?
Why shouldn't my body be able to become healthy? Because there's a belief that says so? This belief knows nothing! What, if I can be healthy? What, if I can have a healthy body like in the past? What, if practicing climbing up on the EGS really changes something for the better? Imagine how awesome it would be to dance happily for hours. I can get there!

Doctor:
I feel worried. What, if I don't find a good doctor? What, if I don't get an appointment? What, if it's so stressful, that it worsens my health and makes me struggle with depression again? What, if having to go outside is too much for me? Why do I even have to go outside, when I'm so afraid of people? Why isn't there anybody understanding and helping me to change my beliefs on that topic? I tried to collect what I like about people. But how am I supposed to collect more aspects, if I don't meet any people? - Ah, that's just the old 'I'm powerless-talk'. What, if it's not that complicated. I can even ask someone to accompany me to the appointment. It's just a checkup. Nothing serious. There are nice doctors out there. And there are doctors that accept new patients. I can do this! I can change my beliefs. This is a game and I'm here to play it. I can feel better and better. I can always take my time and climb up on the EGS.

[Layshii]

I feel fearful, I feel powerless. I want to run away from reality. It's awful. It's not what I want.
I hate my life. I hate reality. I mostly hate my mind. Why can't this stupid thing change already? I'm fed up with feeling powerless and fearful. I want to toss this stupid brain into a trash bin and get a new one! I hate it! How many times do I have to repeat a new belief, until it gets finally through these awful negative beliefs and takes over? I don't want this stress. I don't want to go outside. I don't want this solution. I only get this solution, because I don't believe in what I really want. And I don't know how to get myself to belief in it. I'm so tired of this life. I'm tired of getting tossed around by other people. I would never have manifested this kind of life, if it wasn't for this absolutely nonsense belief, that I'm powerless. My life sucks because of it.
I know, things won't get better, if I take action now. I can only make peace with this.
What do I want instead?
I want to feel powerful. I want to feel good. I want to be in a good mood. I want thoughts that feel good. I want thoughts that assure me, that everything will be going well. There's a possibility, that I get what works best for me.
Source knows all the ways. It knows how I get to believe in my wishes.
I am strong!
When I was searching for something, I sat down and asked myself 'What, if it is possible, that I find this thing fast and easily?' I took the time and changed my thoughts and feelings about this topic. Not long after, I found the stuff. I did that! I changed so source could show me the way to the solution. It was right there under my nose. At a place I already glanced over. I could find it, after I changed my vibration.
This situation is the same. I can change my vibration.

I'm not very fond of the actual solution, that was presented to me. But it gives me more freedom and helps me to believe more, that I can get, what I want. It seems to be the path of least resistance.
What, if I can change my vibration even more? What, if I find what I am looking for? What, if it's possible? What, if source knows even better solutions for this? What, if there's someone who loves to support me, who understands me and helps me to make progress faster? I would love that. What, if people like this exist? What, if they have the time and the inspiration to support me? What, if they are co-creators? What, if they know Abraham or something that's very similar? What, if everything falls into place? What, if I can get myself to believe that?

I love the experience I had, in which I felt knowing. What, if that experience happened to tell me, that I can experience this on my own? I can become someone who knows. Who feels powerful. Who trusts in source. Who trusts in herself. It's possible.
What, if this practice brought me a bit closer towards this goal?

There's still fear. There are still old negative beliefs. - It's okay. I can see them now. They're not as powerful as before.
What, if I get what I want? What, if I'm more open for the solution that source has in store for me? Source knows everything. Knows every path that leads me to my goals.
I experienced to be powerful. I was fed up with fretting about a certain topic, decided what I wanted and I got it not shortly after that. That was my doing! That was my power! I did that! What, if it works like that with the current topic? I'm fed up with it, too. I'm fed up with worrying!
I can have what I want! I can have solutions, that I like. I can have this support. I can make the right decisions. I can change my beliefs! I'm not powerless towards my own mind. I can change. I can get used to being powerful and the feeling of knowing. I can do that. I believe in myself!

I don't have to take action right now. I can just concentrate on feeling better. All is well.

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[Layshii]

EGS
I feel hopeless and powerless. Every time I want to practice new beliefs, the negative beliefs gain momentum and I end up with anxiety attacks, depression and more physical pain. I don't know what to do any more. How am I supposed to have trust and hope? How can I be open for solutions and for my inner guidance? I can't even look for help or therapy, because of these thoughts. Why is my brain like this? Why don't meds work? - Oh, I know, because I don't believe in them. And I don't get help, because I don't have trust in people. So what now? Am I stuck like this until the end?
I don't want that! I hate that! I hate that so so much!!! I hate to be like this! I hate these thoughts! I hate the struggle! I hate the pain! I hate to live isolated like this. To be scared every time I go outside. Not being able to enjoy dancing, because I'm not open for all the energy the cells of my body are summoning.
Why can't Abraham or someone like that just come by in the flesh or take over my mind and support me getting through this? Why can't my stupid brain be open for solutions? Why are you doing this to me? I want new beliefs, because everything in my life will be better. You can't just ignore the facts, that my health got better, when I'm in a better mood! And that people are nice and peaceful in general! Stop being stuck on that old false belief! Let me practice new beliefs!

I'm not a victim! This is just momentum. Too many motors on the wrong side of the train. How do I put motors on the other side, when my mind tries to stop me?
I can't even trust in myself. Why do I even try?
If it weren't for this core belief and nobody around me helping me to change this, I wouldn't have to deal with this now. What even is the purpose of feeling such strong negative emotions, when I am not able to practice new beliefs? What's the point of strongly knowing what I don't want and not being able to go into the opposite direction? LoA is just a cruel sadistic game. If I don't get myself to belief, that I'll get help or that I'll reach my goals, I'm screwed. Life will keep being a nightmare.
I don't know how other people are able to make peace with negative circumstances. Maybe they don't have hope? Maybe they don't have this knowledge that it would be easy to be and have anything, if you belief in it. Why is this knowledge inside me and why isn't it dominant?
Positive thoughts and feelings are supposed to be much more powerful than negative ones. Then why did I end up with anxiety attacks again? Why am I even bothering with practicing to change my thoughts and feelings?

Maybe I can't figure this out right now. Maybe I should drop my wishes and accept my now-reality. But it's so hard. I hate reality! I hate it so much! I don't want to live like this! How am I supposed to accept this? Living in isolation forever? Running away from reality and all negative feelings? Even, if I accept it, I would still cling to hope and end up struggling to make my wishes come true. That's not how LoA works. But I don't get it. What am I supposed to do? How can I build a part in me that is hopeful, peaceful, calm, loving and believing in me? How can I do that, when the negative part is fighting every attempt I make?
This is ridicules! There must be a way to do this. There must be something that will work.
How about taking a break for now? Then distract myself and do my best to go grocery shopping. Making peace with everything. Being grateful I have someone who accompanies me outside.

I am grateful for upbeat music, that made me feel better, when I drive in my car alone. I'm grateful, there are people, who try to support people like me. I'm grateful to live in a time, in which therapy exists. I'm grateful my last therapist was trying his best to understand me. I'm grateful, for the people that provide help for free. I'm grateful for the people that I write with every day. Who also try their best to stay positive. They make me laugh and remind me of my goal to take life not so serious any more. I admire their humor and positivity. I'm so grateful to have these people in my life. I'm grateful for a friend who still wants to meet with me and is understanding of my situation. I'm grateful for the moments in which I feel better. I'm grateful that I was able to write positive aspects about people for five days. Wouldn't it be nice, if I do it for another day? Wouldn't it be nice, if I could accept that the fear will still be strong and despite that, I write the positive aspects, because it's fun? Wouldn't it be nice, if I could make peace with how my mind is programmed now? With the pain in my body? Wouldn't it be nice to just feel a tiny little bit better? Wouldn't it be nice, to see the neighbors' cat today, to hear it purr, to look at it's happy face and being accompanied by it for a while? Wouldn't it be nice, if I am more gentle towards myself? And towards the part of me that is used to believe it's vulnerable and powerless? Wouldn't it be nice, if I could make peace with this part? And if I would have more clarity about which direction I'm headed while trying to improve my thoughts and feelings? Wouldn't it be nice, if I could believe a tiny bit more, that there's is support out there, that is suited for me? Wouldn't it be nice, if I would be a tiny bit more open to the solutions the universe has in store for me? Just a tiny little bit. Just a tiny step. Like I did now with climbing up on the EGS. I did that. I can do it again, whenever I need to.