The Abe Forum

Hello there. I was a lurker on the old forum during the final days. This is going to be a lengthy message.

I've basically been in love with a woman I've worked with for a few years. I don't think that she feels the same way back. I'm almost certain.
She left a few weeks back. I'm completely in love with her, she had real problems with her boyfriend, who she might still be with.

I'm used to being hurt over and over again by girls. I feel so, so, so bad. Every day I wish I was waking up next to her.

Please, could someone guide me through all of this the Abe-hicks way, I'm not a stranger to any of this, I've read all the books, watch all the YouTube videos. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of her.

I'm constantly depressed and need some kind of guidance to lift me out of this depression. I don't feel good enough for her and suffer from real feelings of insecurity.

I need some specific course of action through processes. Somebody once mentioned distraction on the old forum, and meditation. But I find it so, so hard to get off the subject when you're so used to focusing on this subject that bothers you.

I'm applying for a job that she works at, amongst many, because I am so desperate to leave my current position cos I hate it so much. We often used to message each other, now she has cut off all communication. I know, I sound sooo desperate and pathetic, this is not who I am.

I feel fear and desperation. I don't feel good enough for her. I want to know the best way to soothe myself. If I was to "go general" (a phrase that I know Abraham use often in various YouTube clips), how would I go about doing that.

Can anyone give some hints on how to soothe?

Salamander 89!

Here is the answer I can give you, "in a nutshell".

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pm
I've basically been in love with a woman I've worked with for a few years. I don't think that she feels the same way back. I'm almost certain.
She left a few weeks back. I'm completely in love with her, she had real problems with her boyfriend, who she might still be with. I'm used to being hurt over and over again by girls. I feel so, so, so bad. Every day I wish I was waking up next to her.

When you step 2 steps back from your problem and look at it through the lense of you being the attractor of what you send out, you will clearly see WHAT you attract- and why: You ALWAYS get back what you send out!

Please, could someone guide me through all of this the Abe-hicks way, I'm not a stranger to any of this, I've read all the books, watch all the YouTube videos.

I really don't want to be hard on you! I've been there and done exactly that somewhen in my life, as well. So I know: The only thing that helps is,

to change what YOU put out, into something that feels better.

When you expect a change of your outcome without changing the crap that you put out, that would be (with Einsteins words) "madness"! And as a seasoned Aber that you say you are, I am certain you get it in the right way, what I am telling you here!

I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of her.
I'm constantly depressed and need some kind of guidance to lift me out of this depression. I don't feel good enough for her and suffer from real feelings of insecurity.

-It is clear, that you CAN NOT expect good things to be attracted by this stance, right?

I need some specific course of action through processes. Somebody once mentioned distraction on the old forum, and meditation. But I find it so, so hard to get off the subject when you're so used to focusing on this subject that bothers you.

Yes, it IS hard! Because you have trained the unwanted so intensely, for so long. You have created a routine, that is sooo easy for you to follow, now: Yearning, being rejected, feeling pity and self-shame, and then trying and yearning to get healing from outside.

The good news is, it is not as painful to get out of this dark pit, as it was to get into it. AND it will not take as much time! Because what you can do- deliberate soothing and deliberate guiding your focus- is much more powerful than "creating by default", as you had done, so far.

I'm applying for a job that she works at, amongst many, because I am so desperate to leave my current position cos I hate it so much.

What do you think CAN come from the stance, of you being desperate and filled with hate?
-right: More desperation and hate, and more things to hate.

The trick is always to start taking control over your vibration and train (!) it into a much better, wanted stance BEFORE you take action.

We often used to message each other, now she has cut off all communication. I know, I sound sooo desperate and pathetic, this is not who I am.

Not in your core, for sure! Who you really are is God in physical form, willing to have a human experience.
You have the power to lead yourself into whatever you REALLY want to live. And when you achieved that, there's a chance that she might want to be in communication with you again, too. But obviously, she is not into desperateness and pathos! And, I understand her. You do, probably, too!

I feel fear and desperation. I don't feel good enough for her. I want to know the best way to soothe myself. If I was to "go general" (a phrase that I know Abraham use often in various YouTube clips), how would I go about doing that.

Maybe she indeed has cut off the relationship because she realized, it is not good for her!?
What a wise woman she is, if she did that on purpose. All you have to give to her in the moment is neediness, un-aligned action-journeys and despair, right? Would you really want that for a person you supposedly LOVE??

On the other hand, who you "really are" is certainly good enough for her! But where you linger right now is probably not good for anybody to be close with- certainly not for yourself. And the indicator for that is HOW ROTTEN YOU FEEL.
So, your first thought should be how you can become a better match to yourself- to your soul. And in that, to your soulmates (=the mates of your soul, that your soul REALLY wants to be close with).

You have trained yourself away from your soul and your love (believe me, where you are you CAN NOT feel love, as love resides on the upper top of the EGS!) Slowly, in babysteps, allow yourself to relax more and more into who you really are, and the love that your soul always feels. Drop your resistances, your neediness that holds you off (like a drug-addict) from what would heal you. Relax into where you are. Stop running back into the burning stable, so to speak. Care for getting MUCH better. Before you did that, you are a pain to those around you, and you miss what you really want.

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pm I need some kind of guidance to lift me out of this depression.

The first very important step you need to do is (as in all addictions) to acknowledge where you are. To acknowledge, that you have messed it up, that you are NOT where you want to be.
Don't skip that. Most people never do that, and that holds them off from ever getting into their power!

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE. Embrace that, fully, wholly, full stop.

I need some specific course of action through processes.

Maybe, and maybe not. You could sleep yourself into Alignment! But as you probably can't sleep all your time, you must be willing to STOP going after your dope, so to speak!
STOP thinking about her. STOP the yearning. Believe me, you can!

If she really is your soulmate, you WILL get her as soon YOU have aligned with your soul! But you never will "get her" in a joyful way, as long you make her the excuse to be in misery, and are vibrationally a far cry apart from who-you-really-are.

I want to know the best way to soothe myself.

Find OTHER things to think about, that bring you some joy. And I know that is hard, and I know you can do it.

Find a hobby. Find something to appreciate. Find friends. Find a sport and work out. Make friends with your body and heal whatever needs healing. GET A LIFE. Become an interesting, joyful, happy person that is a joy to be around! All of that is supposed to be fun or AT LEAST relief. And when it isn't, you'r doing it wrong!

If I was to "go general" (a phrase that I know Abraham use often in various YouTube clips), how would I go about doing that.

Find youtube clips about the topic (searchwords "Abraham Hicks" and "going general") and listen to them until the cows come home and you KNOW how it works. And then do it, do it, do it- even if that's hard.

Let love, ease, joy and self-care lead the way. BE NICER TO YOURSELF.

And one last bit:

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pm
I've basically been in love with a woman I've worked with for a few years. I don't think that she feels the same way back. I'm almost certain.

The others ALWAYS feel towards you, what you feel towards them!
(famous clip!)

You teach each other your respective responsive vibrations. In other words, you don’t feel any way about anyone,
without their helping you to feel that way! It’s really co-creation.

We’ll even go further, and bolder, and louder, and blunter:
If there’s somebody you don’t like, they don’t like you either!
We have never seen it otherwise.

We have never one time, ever, known someone to adore someone,
that the one that they were adoring, didn’t adore them back!

Now, some are thinking...
“Oh wait a minute. There was that man that I loved with all my heart, and he didn’t love me back.” And we say,
you were offering him insecurity. You were offering him worry. It wasn’t that pure vibration of love!
When you are tuned in, tapped in, turned on — when you are connected to your Source, and holding someone
as your object of attention, and you are genuinely offering that feeling of love and appreciation
— they can’t offer you anything else!

Abraham

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pmHello there.

Hi Salamander89

POE has nailed it:

Paradise-on-Earth wrote: ↑Tue Jun 04, 2024 4:44 am Find OTHER things to think about, that bring you some joy. And I know that is hard, and I know you can do it.
Find a hobby. Find something to appreciate. Find friends. Find a sport and work out.

At its core, the answer is: you have to find a way to change the subject in your mind and tell a different story. I know this feels hard or even impossible when you've got a strong habit of thought going that feels automatic / beyond control - but it's NOT beyond your control if you take it in baby steps! There are a few things you can try to get yourself to do this.

Some baby steps:

- Step 1: Awareness: noticing when a thought pops into your head that doesn't serve you.
This is a huge achievement when you catch yourself and notice that "space" where you can maybe do something with it instead of allowing yourself to run away with it.

- Step 2: Distraction/ Pivoting with:

a.) positive intending: When a thought that doesn't serve you comes up, counter it with a positive intention:
eg "I feel so bad! ........ BUT!!
I'm intending to feel better
I'm intending to be more deliberate about my thoughts
I'm intending peace of mind
I'm intending relaxed thoughts
I'm intending better-feeling thoughts
I'm intending being kind to myself
I'm intending to think about {insert a better-feeling subject - whatever interests you: It could be 'where to go for dinner', 'what to do next weekend', 'what gift to give my mom for her birthday', 'where I want to go for my next vacation', 'what's on my bucket list of things I want to experience and do?', interesting work stuff, a hobby - anything that will grip you and occupy your mind more positively.}

b.) soothing pivoting self-talk:
eg "Here I go with these thoughts again! I'm so pathetic!...
Soothing: It's ok, I know I have lots of momentum going on this subject. Bit by bit I can soften that momentum. I think I can soften it a little.. Gently does it.. I know they say that distraction can help.. Maybe I can find something else to think about.. let's see..."

c.) replacement distracting thoughts: When a thought that doesn't serve you comes up, you can try and distract yourself with another thought. Something that sometimes works for me is starting to sing a song in my head haha It stops the negative thought train and replaces it.

Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can, because I know you want to feel good. It's just a matter of directing your thoughts and intentions a little differently so they are a little more effective in helping you feel a little better, bit by bit. You can do it!


-

PS

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pmI'm used to being hurt over and over again by girls.

You've just had POE & myself, two girls, here on the forum trying to help you, trying to "un-hurt" you, showing you a different story of the kind of behaviour you can attract from girls. See? You're doing awesomely in attracting better things to you already!

spiritualcookie wrote: ↑Tue Jun 04, 2024 7:36 am

Salamander89 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 03, 2024 10:00 pmI'm used to being hurt over and over again by girls.

You've just had two girls here on the forum trying to help you, trying to "un-hurt" you, showing you a different story of the kind of behaviour you can attract from girls. See? You've doing awesomely in attracting better things to you already!

Hi Ghosted!


I know it may not be the time Right now, but maybe soon- your post made me feel that this subject, at some point maybe in next couple months?- should be gone at head on. (Again maybe not today) but when you are ready- WHY her specifically? She’s got a funky past boyfriend she Might be still seeing, she’s not talking to u. What makes THIS the only girl for u? Is she the foremost rocket scientist in the world and you always imagined you’d be with only that person and No one else can calculate formulas like her? Is she the gold medal winner in something and u NEED to be with her because of that thing no one else can do? What, what makes u stuck on this woman? (‘Stuck’ sounds a little disrespectful, I don’t mean it that way)

Where I will be taking this, is if the energy isn’t flowing back from her- why her?
What makes this woman who is not flowing energy back to you, the only one for you do you think?

What’s the reason your mind gives? What’s your heart feel like? I’m thinking ghosted, this may have more to do with you and your past rather than her and how she is.

If that’s true and u let that understanding in, this may be easier for u to turn to the next thing calling you. And it also may be a little too raw to go here right now.

Wanting to help, feeling u are strong, on your path to feeling better and stronger- and this is a bump that’s going to give u so much more understanding- u will be standing on solid ground like never before when u get whatever goodness this situation is bringing you. Thinking, maybe u brought this to yourself- so u could level up.
Feeling more sure about that as I type

13thAllieCat wrote: ↑Wed Jun 05, 2024 2:31 pm
Where I will be taking this, is if the energy isn’t flowing back from her- why her?

I agree on what you say, AllieCat... just not in this sentence!
I wanna make a point that she IS flowing the energy (well, it's not really her doing that she "is flowing", but it feels like that to him) that he is putting out, right back at him. Not in the very same way, but I guess one could say, that the non-response that "comes from her" (which FEELS like huge pain and disconnection to Salamander) is a perfect match to the Neediness and Disconnectedness that he flows (that also FEELS like pain).

Paradise-on-Earth wrote: ↑Wed Jun 05, 2024 5:08 pm

13thAllieCat wrote: ↑Wed Jun 05, 2024 2:31 pm
Where I will be taking this, is if the energy isn’t flowing back from her- why her?

I agree on what you say, AllieCat... just not in this sentence!
I wanna make a point that she IS flowing the energy (well, it's not really her doing that she "is flowing", but it feels like that to him) that he is putting out, right back at him. Not in the very same way, but I guess one could say, that the non-response that "comes from her" (which FEELS like huge pain and disconnection to Salamander) is a perfect match to the Neediness and Disconnectedness that he flows (that also FEELS like pain).

Hi Paradise! ... I think I understand what you are saying, that energy is always kind of going back and forth between things, and maybe sprinkled in, that if he feels something so large then a responsive energy must be coming back from her kinda thing? Am I understanding? What I moreso meant to illustrate with that sentence/section is... you know if you've ever felt someone wanted something from you that you didn't want to give? (for whatever reason) and you 'put up a brick wall' so to speak? (to me it feels like a blocking of my energy going toward that person, maybe its more so of a block of conscious heart energy, flowing toward that person. It seems to be this lady has put this 'brick wall' up between her and Ghosted. What I wanted to maybe have Ghosted ask himself or feel for clarity on - is if shes put up a wall between your communication... and I know whats thats like on Ghosted's end... what feelings are making you feel shes the 'one' for you?
Paradise what words would you use to describe that more accurately without saying energy is not flowing? Thank you!! Maybe I can get the words dialed in better