I love to be satisfied. And I love to be eager for more!

[Jenny Lee]

Hey, POE, my words might be a bit hurry, because I have something to do soon. But I want to say after seeing your new thoughts:

I remember that you maybe are type 7 in ennegram system. If it is so, of course you should and will hang around people who are more extrovert, louder, "crazy," and funny people. Line up with it; how fun to create with these people.

As for me, I am alright to write on sleeping forums---yeah, I had been writing on a forum for many years and sometimes I am the only one sharing. But I do it when I feel inspired and I see it as enhancing the momentum I've already built--it's often something I already thougth and experienced and I sorta conclude them in more vivid and orderly words.

We are born with different personalities and let us make the best of them. For some they like quiet way and don't want too many interactions with other people while some love and get energized by being around people such as you, such as my brother. That's WHO YOU ARE.

I think it's not gonna be big changes any time soon in terms of a lot of people coming and interacting with us here, so it would nice that you come and use the writing as a way to milk and enhance something, to deliberately spend time building momentum on important subjects, and knowing that a lot of people are actually reading but for whatever reason they may not comment. Make peace with that and spend more time and energy playing in other places.

Always, best wishes!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Hey, POE, my words might be a bit hurry, because I have something to do soon. But I want to say after seeing your new thoughts:

I remember that you maybe are type 7 in ennegram system. If it is so, of course you should and will hang around people who are more extrovert, louder, "crazy," and funny people. Line up with it; how fun to create with these people.

thanks for caring to write, anyway!!

That is so true! Exactly!!

As for me, I am alright to write on sleeping forums---yeah, I had been writing on a forum for many years and sometimes I am the only one sharing. But I do it when I feel inspired and I see it as enhancing the momentum I've already built--it's often something I already thougth and experienced and I sorta conclude them in more vivid and orderly words.

We are born with different personalities and let us make the best of them. For some they like quiet way and don't want too many interactions with other people while some love and get energized by being around people such as you, such as my brother. That's WHO YOU ARE.

Your words are so helpful, loving and wise!! Indeed, I am extroverted Introvert. An Enneagram-seven, that is calm. An extroverted Introvert, surrounded by true Introverts AND, as I lately learned, having Aphantasia, too viewtopic.php?t=683 (at least in some form, where you can't really fathom inner images and thoughts) -I NEED to talk or express (paint, cook, sculpt, photograph...) to others outside of me to contact with myself. And also, I crave feedback on it, to fulfill this contact with myself.

...I will use your wonderful post to think further through this -for me- very new insight, that spending a LOT of time on this Forum simply might not be so good for me.

I guess, I felt caught in many ways how things could (or should) be done. It became a big knot, as I really never understood what the core problem was. I really followed Abes rules of "get happy", but in that, I missed something that was hiding: In the quite many ways I'm disabled, I had carved me into a niche that somehow worked, but that slowly became a trap for me. Abe, again and again, teach us that nothing matters more than that we feel happy. But sometimes you literally can't see the tree in the forest, and that IS the basis of disability!

I guess, it simply takes time to work through some knots!

I think it's not gonna be big changes any time soon in terms of a lot of people coming and interacting with us here, so it would nice that you come and use the writing as a way to milk and enhance something, to deliberately spend time building momentum on important subjects, and knowing that a lot of people are actually reading but for whatever reason they may not comment. Make peace with that and spend more time and energy playing in other places.

Always, best wishes!

Thank you once more! yes, you are so right. No need for "big decisions" at all... I can have all the best from all worlds.

[Jenny Lee]

Whoa, I never knew Aphantasia, for I thought a lot and formed images a lot--however, years ago, after I did frequent meditation and listened to Eckhart Tolle, I didn't have much inner monologue, I just observed and felt emotions and in much fewer cases having thoughts. That didn't feel good and then I learned the great importance of deliberately thinking my thoughts and visualizing.

But as for differences, I had a unique experience, actually I asked on the old forum, during a very long time, at least half a year, my awareness of something on my body, just awareness, not seeing it with my eyes, was sorta always with me, making me feel uncomfortable, though I could continually live my life and do all kinds of things. I didn't think that people actually understood what I was saying and feeling, so finally I made peace with it, accepting its existence, and finally the awareness was gone after maybe 1 year. Thank god, I let go of my stubbornness in solving it, otherwise, it must last much longer. No one gave me the solution, truly answering my question, so I had to sorta endure it--making peace with it, not taking score. If it lasts forever, then alright, I'd still enjoy my life in so many ways.

Sometimes, we may get to relax a bit by saying words such as: I'd do it/make peace with it even it means I'd do it for the rest of my life. I remember a father with a special need kid making promise to himself, "Even if it needs many years or forever for my son to be able to do this, we would continue. We would never give up." In many cases, when we broaden the time span, things may get better.

Give yourself enough time to figure out things, even if it means a dozen of years, and it is always worthwhile if they are important things.

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Your post resonates deeply with me. So touching. It feels so soothing and re-assuring. Thank you very very much, Jenny!

I agree... I have shedded the need and even wish to "make things happen". I want to relax into what-is, not push against it, it is a sort of big giving up now, after having looked lovingly at what -at least- part of the problem has been. Now it feels as if things can heal.

This feels so good! Thanks for all the parts of this wonderful "dance" you gave me!

[Jenny Lee]

Your post resonates deeply with me. So touching. It feels so soothing and re-assuring. Thank you very very much, Jenny!

I agree... I have shedded the need and even wish to "make things happen". I want to relax into what-is, not push against it, it is a sort of big giving up now, after having looked lovingly at what -at least- part of the problem has been. Now it feels as if things can heal.

This feels so good! Thanks for all the parts of this wonderful "dance" you gave me!

All is well.

All things are always working out for all of us.

[CoreEssence]

Dear friend, if it were me, I would want to sit with this feeling of wanting a response/a handshake/an interaction/a reciprocal gesture.

I would be curious and try to feel how much of this desire is about wanting an external response so that my internal experience feels valid and good and true and how much of it is about just the very human need for connection.

None of this is straightforward or simple. Part of being a community is a real desire for a heart response and a heart connection. However, when I am a part of a community (whatever that community is), sometimes what begins as my genuine words/reaction/response can devolve into “performing for the audience,” rather than springing from a true and genuine place within me. This is a dynamic that I am very aware of whenever I am in a large group and a big part of my work then becomes about finding that balance within me of enjoying my own brilliant light without it becoming about how that brilliance lands with the group at large.

But even THAT is not the struggle some times. The struggle really begins when what I share or say or do from a place of genuine connection with my own self ignites a genuine appreciation in the people around me. Thus far, it is all coherent and without any resistance.

What happens next however determines which way my own internal compass swings.

As I raise my hand again (so to say), am I able to sift through the myriad thoughts and feelings and impressions and land on the ones that are genuinely alive and active and present within me or do I end up amplifying the energy that is seemingly good and true and brilliant but really isn’t about me at all. Rather, it is about what I think will elicit the next round of applause.

I don’t know if this resonates . . . but this is a balance that I find myself practicing over and over again as well (some times with success and some times with failure).

May you find the clarity you seek, and may you find the grace to be gentle with all of your self!

Lots of love.

[Tara]

Thank You CoreEssence

It resonates with me a lot. It was so funny as a day before POE posted or maybe same morning, don’t recall. I had the same thought to leave this forum… for some time.

But then I did not take my notebook and I thought it’s convenient to track my easy matches here.

But I see value in both stepping away and sometimes joining in

It’s a lot related to what you write

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Thank You CoreEssence

It resonates with me a lot. It was so funny as a day before POE posted or maybe same morning, don’t recall. I had the same thought to leave this forum… for some time.

But then I did not take my notebook and I thought it’s convenient to track my easy matches here.

But I see value in both stepping away and sometimes joining in

It’s a lot related to what you write

It's nice to just be easy about it, right? As all the others said- why make "big" decisions. Let's just "BE"...

Having said this, I must say, all our interaction in this last days was exactly what I enjoy so much. Being open to different perspectives, that all bring something precious into my awareness...
and also, digging deeper ... looking at stuff I had never really seen, that was hidden to me, "until the contrast got bigger"!

I loved all of it so much!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Wow, another post that touches me deeply

Dear friend, if it were me, I would want to sit with this feeling of wanting a response/a handshake/an interaction/a reciprocal gesture.

I would be curious and try to feel how much of this desire is about wanting an external response so that my internal experience feels valid and good and true and how much of it is about just the very human need for connection.

I love how you put it!
So true. I was quite soon very aware of the trap of looking for love in all the wrong places (maybe having been born and raised by "very lovable" (charismatic) narcissists and being with my mate, who's parents both are severely-not so "lovable" narcissistic)... I tried to debunk the traps of "love" and human interactions from a very early age. But even long trained specialists fall into some holes and I always was irritated by my bubbly Ennegram 7-desires within a family of people who all played small to not upset the applecart. So to speak....

I was as a child and youngster always torn between the old paradigm (that I tried to heal) desinterested and unsafe narcissistic "caretakers" and the try to parent/uplift/guard myself, and a bunch of mixed up, messed up grownups on the sideways that all had found their own (mostly disfunctional) doctrines. I was questioning myself all the time:
Are my desires to be seen at all, or even for for acknowledgement and applause vain? Only painful to myself? ...selfish, childish, spiritually incorrect, brave, worldchangingly neccessary, dispensible... or just despicable and awkward? (Oh, I forgot to add the need to NOT be dramatic! Or illogical. EVER!!)

There was NO fun at all left in it. BUT STILL, I WANTED IT!!! I still swashbuckle with the topic...

None of this is straightforward or simple. Part of being a community is a real desire for a heart response and a heart connection.

So true!!!! And:
Ohhhhh YES!!!

However, when I am a part of a community (whatever that community is), sometimes what begins as my genuine words/reaction/response can devolve into “performing for the audience,” rather than springing from a true and genuine place within me. This is a dynamic that I am very aware of whenever I am in a large group and a big part of my work then becomes about finding that balance within me of enjoying my own brilliant light without it becoming about how that brilliance lands with the group at large.

Yes, I so hear you! You are describing it so beautifully.

AND, I have tried to dump all the perfectionism in it. What the hell! Why not try and go all in, regardless! And if it's fun- continue, and if it's not -then it was a learning experience!
Life is more fun this way. Less perfect... less "holy", but so much more fun. And so much less held back...

But even THAT is not the struggle some times. The struggle really begins when what I share or say or do from a place of genuine connection with my own self ignites a genuine appreciation in the people around me. Thus far, it is all coherent and without any resistance.

exactly! aka, ...if I do it from ITV, or OOTV, right?

What happens next however determines which way my own internal compass swings.

As I raise my hand again (so to say), am I able to sift through the myriad thoughts and feelings and impressions and land on the ones that are genuinely alive and active and present within me or do I end up amplifying the energy that is seemingly good and true and brilliant but really isn’t about me at all. Rather, it is about what I think will elicit the next round of applause.

Exactly! If it is done from ITV, it all falls into the perfect places, all on it's own.
And if not- then "kill me now", because no work could make it right in 100 millions years... right?

I don’t know if this resonates . . . but this is a balance that I find myself practicing over and over again as well (some times with success and some times with failure).

May you find the clarity you seek, and may you find the grace to be gentle with all of your self!

Lots of love.

It resonates and it was such fun to wrap myself around your words! ...It felt as another touch of a divine magic wand: All of this stuff got so much CLEARER to me, again. Thank you so very very much for your time and love!

[Paradise-on-Earth]

Parts of me are still stuck in Africa
As I said, I want to close up these "open projects", as rampaging on our awesome, wonderful, WONDERFUL trip in Namibia.
And if you like it, don't hold back to pay a compliment, yes? Even if you had never done that before!

We left the story on the day before the very last day, when we had driven 5 hrs south to Sossusvlei. It had already been a day full to the brim with impressions! And now we arrived at the ressort... and there was...




...RAIN!!
It cooled down in one or two minutes from over 40° C to below 30°C, it felt as if the sky would be teared open in a second. My wheelchair got stuck immediately in thick, wet, red dirt! And I felt like it was the brightest most awesome miracle that only could happen. I HAD HOPED for experiencing rain in the desert- and boy, was that given! We learn later, that- since 2021, this was the very first rain that fell in this place!

The personnel hurried to clean out the water from the beautiful "streets" of the lodge (no drain anywhere) but they looked so happy!! When they saw me beam in joy as well, they came over to my sides and shared: "It's good, it's so good, isn't it!" OF COURSE it was good!! But then I saw other tourists waddle through the water, grumbling and in deep misery... which made me laugh even more. Oh, they missed so much! How could they not see the beauty!! It had been 4 years without rain... what a miracle was alone this blessing to witness this happening!

I stood with bare feet in the wonderfully warm water, the warm wind played with my skin... and I was SO HAPPY!!



It rained even more after we arrive in our lodge...







but inside, it all was calm and strangely perfect...!
I admit, I so appreciated to find THIS luxury, in the middle of a desert!
I SO appreciated all the goodness of accomodation and food and WATER.
I admit, I blessed the time I am in... where I could shower, beautiful natural stone under my feet, shelter and roof around, soap handy, a soft bed with clean linens to rest for a few minutes... What a miracle, as well! I am so Rich. I am so BLESSED!!





After having taken a short break, we dared to look outside and were STUNNED. The environment looks so beautiful! And that there was rain just 30 minutes ago, was already- almost- not palpable, anymore. Wow!
We all had booked a "Sundowner Drive" for the evening, and I don't even wonder that the sun had come out so fully, again, and that this excursion was possible. We just were surrounded by magic!!





Speak about magic: the rainbow over the mountain stayed there, for all the next hour!
It stirred my heart. It felt so meaningful. It felt so big!!



We got to see suricates, desert-foxes and a jackal, digging for a mouse...
they seemed so very not bothered. They just went on with their life, while we parked besides. I felt such appreciation that these animals did not learn to fear humans or cars. It felt so peaceful! It was SO nice!



The sunlight turned almost as orange/red as the soil and the rocks.. I didn't expect it, but finally, the 2 cars surrounded a rocky hill and turned around- right into the full, dramatic evening light. Once more I realized how privileged we all are! We stopped here in the middle of this stunning nature... to have picnic! How playful. How awesome! How wonderful! How whimsical and luxurious and awesome!! How.... high on life!! I felt so, so so much appreciation to be me, and here and now!!





The both drivers surprised us with a wonderful, very tasty picnic-plate: A delicious unique arrangement of dried spicy game, nuts, spicy crackers and slices of cured sausage- complete with wonderful South African wines, or cold beer! WOW again. I am no fan of alcohol, but in this night, I picked a glass of sweet white wine as well. It was a time where you wish to live very very slowly, so that it all lasts longer... it felt surreal, and beautiful, and I was so thankful for all the joy and beauty around. I so appreciated that the drivers had carried the box there, so that I could sit down on it! I felt so thankful for the taste of wine... I felt so thankful for ALL that had went on, to make THIS happen.
Thank you, thank you, life!!!





We so enjoy the golden minutes of sunset. And then, we turned back home (to our luxury buffet- dinner, on the terrace of the lodge... even having had the delectable bites of the picnic, we were so hungry!! I will post about the second of this dinners, in another time.)

What a day it had been.
What a world this is!
What a life we lead. I am so THANKFUL!!!